To be annoyed that he didn’t respond or contact me after my message?

[theecvitent]

My new bf who is 50 , went away yesterday to a friend with other friends. We text a bit through the day and he did something really kind for me.
I am sick at the moment, a chest infection and ear infection. I’m quite poorly .
Im at home in bed since yesterday afternoon and despite me tell ing him this Ona voice note , he hasn’t bothered to contact me once since or acknowledge the voice note.
I suggested we have a call before I remembered he was going to be away with his buddies doing an activity . He said probably not which is fair enough .
im a bit disappointed here.
AIBU?

But she says they were texting through the day, and that he had a planned activity so will be tied up!

I'm sorry, OP, but I'm 52 and in your position, I'd be looking after myself in bed, saying nothing about being ill and leaving him to his weekend away.

If I were with friends and someone I was dating started sending me voice notes when they had a chest infection, I'd see that as being quite manipulative and wonder what they expected le to do/say; if they'd done it so that I'd could hear how ill they were; and whether I was supposed to feel guilty. It would feel like a test tbh. And, given your response to it was to start this thread, it was a test.

Communication should be limited to wishing him a lovely time and saying mothing about being in bed with a chest infection. Not telling him how much you're suffering at home!

Yes. You seem more wrapped up that he did not acknowledge your illness than anything else.
Were you hoping he would cancel and come to see you and look after you?
If he gets a whiff that you are possessive and dislike him seeing friends and expect every living moment for him to be thinking about you; you won’t see him for dust.

I’m the same age there is nothing old fashioned about what you are asking. There were no text message expectations at all until we were well into our 20s.

DH went off travelling after we were together for a few months many years ago we heard from each other intermittently and got on with life in between.

This is being overly needy and over neediness kills relationships.

maybe his mates are looking out for him and asking him why you are suffocating him with constant neediness for contact .

you sound controlling and I wouldn’t be surprised if he ended it after this tbh .

Honestly, I think that in his shoes I’d be worried that you had literally no one else in the world but me as an emotional outlet, and I would find that worrying. It’s too much pressure for a relationship that’s still quite new.

If you’re sick in bed, surely this is a time to lean on friends and/or family?

Im
not in any way needy! Our efforts are wqial
and mutual but it’s only been a few months and we are apart so im
just a bit thrown about it . I haven’t ‘pestered’ him.. I haven’t contacted him at all since yesterday afternoon . I’m asking if you think I’m being unreasonable to be annoyed and clearly I am so I’ll take that with thanks.

That’s fair enough then - I retract my previous comment about you being needy. You’ve thought on it, asked for an opinion, maybe feeling a little more vulnerable as you’re unwell and come to the conclusion it’s nothing to worry about. We all have wobbles sometimes x

But your messages are not equal and mutual as he hasn’t relied !!

maybe in your head they are equal but not in his reality. If they were - you would still be receiving.messages from him ?

I think he could have sent a little get well text. Doesn't take a lot of effort does it? Even if you'd just stubbed your toe that's worthy of an 'ah shame, kiss it better'. It's just sending a thought of love and healing. Some people don't react well to sickness in others.

Statistically marriages are 7 times more likely to end when the wife is ill than when the husband is ill. Take that with a pinch of salt - statistics can be munged any way you like, however that is rather a large gap which indicates some truth imo

Maybe I just need to match his energy

All of this dramatic nonsense would send most people running for the hills. He’s busy, and hasn’t responded to ONE message.

You’re 50 years old - you need to grow up.

Why on earth do you want to chat on the phone with a chest and ear infection? That would be agony!

It seems to me you're just trying to prove a point.

I think he could have sent a little get well text. Doesn't take a lot of effort does it? Even if you'd just stubbed your toe that's worthy of an 'ah shame, kiss it better'. It's just sending a thought of love and healing. Some people don't react well to sickness in others.

FFS. She's an adult not a small child!

But what exactly are you ‘thrown’ by? You seem hyper-focused on him. Don’t you have other people in your life?

Why the voicenote? So he could hear how (not very) ill you are? He went away YESTERDAY. Let him enjoy his break, and you maybe have a Lempsip?

You sound very needy. An off putting characteristic, skiff you want a relationship with this man I suggest that you rein your neediness in

I would be annoyed and disappointed and to be honest this shows a mismatch in the relationship. You like to be considered and thought about and he is able to compartmentalise. This points to him being less part of a team mentality. If it’s only 6 months in, yju might want to reconsider the future before you are too invested. I will be flamed but it’s true. I think you are mismatched

Has he messaged yet op. It’s not nice when you’re unwell and feeling low. Update us when you have any further updates x

50? You sound more like a teenager.

My husband is away at the moment with friends, a long weekend from Thurs - Sun.

He text me when he got there and sent me a picture of a mug asking if I would like it. That's it.
I'm also unwell, but I won't spoil his weekend by telling him as he would worry. I'm going to leave him to it and let him enjoy his time away.
We've been married for 25 years and that's because we trust each other, and respect each others personal time.

No he hasn’t text. He has always text first thing but not today.

I think he’s probably just busy doing the manual labour and spending time with his friend, and you’re feeling a bit miserable because you’re sick. I’d try and get some rest.

if you have very specific needs/expectations about communication then talk to him about this when you’re next together, and see if it’s something you can reach a landing on.

I think you’re being needy op sorry. It’s rough when you’re home alone and bored but you he’s done nothing wrong and if you get shitty with him over this you’re going to make yourself look quite unreasonable I think.

I wouldn’t be fussing over someone who said they had a bit of a cold. So I think his reaction is reasonable- it’s just one of those things.

I’d not read anything into this. He is busy doing manual work with friends. He’s just busy.

If he's your boyfriend he should call you whenever you want, within reason. Voice notes are just as time-consuming as a quick call surely.