AIBU to ask family to keep vegan takeaway dishes separate?

[TakeawayRow]

Last weekend we got an Indian takeaway with family who were visiting. Everyone chose their food and I ordered it.

Some people decided they wanted to try others food, everyone was ok with that but I asked that people didn’t use the same utensils for the vegan dishes and meat dishes because I’m vegan and didn’t want meat in my food.

I thought this was a normal, fair and easy request but a couple of my family members started saying I was being over the top and asking what I thought would happen if some meat got in my food. I said I didn’t want to eat meat or animal products, even tiny amount, not that I thought anything would happen. They accused me of ruining the evening. I didn’t. I asked them, they caused a fuss, I explained my reasons and then carried on with the night. Everyone else got on with the night but these 2 spent the evening making sarcastic comments towards me and ignoring me at times.

Would you have had an issue with using separate utensils to put some of the vegan food on your plate, would you have seen it as ‘over the top’ or just been courteous and used different utensils with no fuss?

We are seeing this family member again next month. Lucky us. We will likely get a takeaway again and I’m thinking of just saying hands off and no one can try mine. 😬

I have a veggie DIL and go out of my way to reassure her that I've not cross contaminated her food when we have a family meal. Surely that's what normal people do?

I think it’s generally the done thing to keep utensils separate and I would have done as you asked. I share your relatives feeling that it’s a pointless and picky thing to insist on unless there is medical risk involved, though.

I’m a meat eater and I’m on your side OP!

it’s actually crazy that they thought this was a problem.

@TakeawayRow some people posting on a Friday night clearly aren't very bright so you're going to get some comedy answers.

Of course YANBU and no idea how anyone can say otherwise. I'm a meat eater but wouldn't dream of putting a meat dish spoon into a vegan dish! That's just thoughtless.

I wouldn't put my own fork into a table dish either. That's unhygienic and minging.

Do you have an ethical objection to eating dill?

Regardless, if you didn’t want a fork with dill on it in your meal for any reason, I wouldn’t put my fork with dill on it it in your meal, because I am a respectful person.

I share your relatives feeling that it’s a pointless and picky thing to insist on unless there is medical risk involved, though.

I share your relatives thoughtless and inconsiderate feeling that it’s a pointless and picky thing to insist on unless there is medical risk involved, though because I am thick and lack social awareness and understanding

There, I have rephrased it for you @ClayPotaLot

Absolutely, it’s just basic respect for someone’s food choices.
I wouldn’t share my food with them again OP, crap behaviour from them.

I missed you saying that you paid for the food. The guests were incredibly rude. We are in the 21st century FFS, people have different tastes so live and let live.

At the next meal I would just serve from the container (s) you ordered for yourself. Pile enough on your plate and don’t go back for seconds. If anyone asks you say that you would rather not eat from containers that have been double dipped (ok not really true but that is how it feels - contaminated).

I had a barbecue the other week, for my two sons, my elder son's girlfriend, and me.

DS2 and I eat everything. DS1 doesn't eat any red meat. His girlfriend is technically pescatarian, but mostly vegetarian. Additionally she is allergic to shellfish.

So the grill is divided into 3- all meats for me and ds2 in one section. Chicken for ds1 in another. And on a griddle on the grill, veggie burgers etc for ds1's girlfriend, and all the vegetable sides (mushrooms/corn on the cob). Each section has its own tongs/fish slices etc. No shellfish anywhere!

Yes, it's marginally more hassle. But I love my son and his girlfriend and respect their choices, so I make sure I do the best I can to accommodate them.

yeah, they were weird. I'd have used different utensils in a vegan or vegetarian dish just out of courtesy. it's definitely not you that's the problem

Not unreasonable at all i would assume most people with manners would use different cutlery anyway!

I’m a meat eater after, yet somehow am capable of understanding why a vegan wouldn’t want me to use a spoon with meat juices on it to serve myself from a vegan dish. Probably because I’m not a massive twat.

I am a meat eater but wouldn't dream of using a fork/spoon I had used for my food in a vegetarian or vegan's food. Not sure why they thought it was a big deal, you shouldn't really even need to ask them to do this! You would have thought it was common sense

Your relatives are the idiots who put the spoon from the salsa in the sour cream at a buffet.
If You really have to host them again, and you order a takeaway, eliminate all risk by only ordering vegan dishes.

YANBU

I’m not veggie or vegan but have enough savvy to know a vegan wouldn’t want to risk contamination with even a small amount of animal products

@TakeawayRow Seems like you are only responding to the few people not agreeing. Please look at the vote. The majority is on your side. This is why I always take what I want from my vegetarian dish and then let everyone else fight for the rest with their meaty forks 😅

Why? I eat meat, as does my son-in-law. My daughter does not. She cooks it for others and simply asks that they keep the food and utensils separate. There’s nothing precious about that. She’s an adult who has made a choice; we respect that.

I wouldn't mix utensils because it would make the dishes taste weird anyway.

You are eating with meat eaters so meat is in the room. The animals have been born raised and died already. You aren’t actually allergic or intolerant.
I get why you find it unpalatable ( I have a thing about manky old pasteurised milk, as I only drink fresh raw) but essentially it’s in you head.
Be understanding that others don’t care.

I'm with OP here 👏
OP - just keep your food completely separate from theirs next time, don't let them get near it - that's what I have to do with some of my family members.....
I don't want other people's forks in my food when those forks have been in their food and/or mouths,,,,,

Well, i dont think it was unreasonable for you to ask. However. i wouldn't have laboured the point if they were all ordered from the same place. I doubt a take away place cares much about mixing spoons, unless they are dealing with allergies. Tbf, most of them dont care even if they were dealing with allergies!

OP should be understanding that her relatives don’t care about her?

To be fair that’s disgusting, without the vegan/ meat issue - putting their used forks into other people’s/ communal food.

Your request was perfectly reasonable! Obviously separate utensils should be used for veggie/ vegan food.

Some people just hate to be told anything, I think. Especially if you’re a younger relative - some people can’t cope with that, as though it puts them in a lower position in some kind of imaginary power play.

I did say thank you to everyone and acknowledge the vote being in my favour, which I expected it would be as I find most people at least decent enough to make a small change to be respectful of others choices, when it doesn’t really impact them.

My sisters family is muslim

Back in the day, when I hosted not just for them but wider family , I was very much aware that I couldn't cross contaminate

So if a BBQ - Id light two, one halal and non pork, one for everyone who wasnt worried . If it was just bog standard roast - I bought halal - didnt bother me , meat tasted the same

Our wedding, I catered vegan/vegetarian/pescatarian and kept meat products purely seperate

But then that is surely good manners? If you are hosting you host for everyone?

Dinner nights are now a thing of the past for us, we do drinks, and yet its the same thing, this one drinks Gordens, that one drinks Bombay - I always have both available , same as slimline or full sugar