AIBU to ask family to keep vegan takeaway dishes separate?

[TakeawayRow]

Last weekend we got an Indian takeaway with family who were visiting. Everyone chose their food and I ordered it.

Some people decided they wanted to try others food, everyone was ok with that but I asked that people didn’t use the same utensils for the vegan dishes and meat dishes because I’m vegan and didn’t want meat in my food.

I thought this was a normal, fair and easy request but a couple of my family members started saying I was being over the top and asking what I thought would happen if some meat got in my food. I said I didn’t want to eat meat or animal products, even tiny amount, not that I thought anything would happen. They accused me of ruining the evening. I didn’t. I asked them, they caused a fuss, I explained my reasons and then carried on with the night. Everyone else got on with the night but these 2 spent the evening making sarcastic comments towards me and ignoring me at times.

Would you have had an issue with using separate utensils to put some of the vegan food on your plate, would you have seen it as ‘over the top’ or just been courteous and used different utensils with no fuss?

We are seeing this family member again next month. Lucky us. We will likely get a takeaway again and I’m thinking of just saying hands off and no one can try mine. 😬

By that metric OP might as well shove chicken in her face. And Jews and Muslims may as well just have a bit of pork. And Hindus a smidgen of cow. Since it apparently makes no difference.

Don't be stupid.

OP: It's a shame you even had to ask. I wouldn't let them try any next time.

What is wrong with you? Someone who doesn’t eat meat didn’t want others putting meat in their food and that’s over the top? Are people actually this thick or just so incredibly selfish and inconsiderate?

YADNBU. I've had 30 years of this, there are some really pig-ignorant (pun intended) meat eaters out there that don't get it and never will.

I am absolutely not vegan but thnk your request is totally fine and they were rude to contaminate your food.

Yes of course it's reasonable, my husband hates fish, not allergic but can't stand the thought of it. Noone would bat an eye if he said please don't contaminate my food with the fish serving utensils.

I don't know why people treat vegans with such disdain, it's not as if you banned meat from the table, you just don't want any of it contaminating your food. If one person had a dish of dog or horse meat I expect those at the table would suddenly understand the concept of not wanting to accidentally get a scrap of cooked dog flesh or dog meat juice in their meal if they liked dogs.

As a meat eater i agree with you
Its really not a difficult concept to grasp why vegetarians and vegans dont want their utensils contaminated with animal products

It’s really not that bloody hard. Anyone making a big deal of using a separate spoon is being an arse. It would have not impacted them at all.

Also… I’ve been thinking about when we get a takeaway for a bigger group and we tend to always have individual serving spoons out for each dish so there wouldn’t be any double dipping of cutlery or mixing of dishes anyway. If someone had a dietary preference then they absolutely shouldn’t have their dish mixed with others.

I wouldn’t sit and lecture a vegan about my choice to eat meat. So why does a vegan get to lecture me?

Do you know what? In general, people who eat a vegan diet do NOT want to be singled out as different. They do NOT want to have to ask questions about what ingredient is in what. They don't want to have to scour the menu to find something they can eat, and they certainly don't want to make a fuss.
Some clear indications on menus would help.

I recently had a birthday celebration and chose a restaurant we wanted to try.
Two of my family are vegan. Perusing the online menu I saw that there was nothing vegan on there. I rang the (expensive) restaurant and asked if there was a suitable dish for them that I could arrange in advance.

No, they said, but when you arrive we can send the chef out to discuss with them what they would like to eat.

Fuck NO!! Thrice NO!! They'd be mortified! 12 people there and the chef has to pop out and leave his kitchen duties to negotiate with dd and son in law what this troublesome couple might be happy to eat?

Just have ONE vegan dish on there, anything, something that comes out of the freezer, they'd be happy with ANYTHING, even if it was the only choice, providing they didn't have to make any fuss about it.

Obviously didn't book that restaurant, had to just resort to our local pub who have 4 vegan choices of vegan fish (quorn) and chips bean chilli, and a moussaka made with plant based creamy stuff, plus a a Beyond Burger with Onion rings and chips and all the accoutrements.

I mean, the birthday bill was less than £300 (yes, I'm one of those folks who pay for my birthday guests) whereas the posh restaurant might have cost me double that. They did pay for their own drinks though.

They're actually contaminating everyone else's food in this case, putting the forks they've had in their mouths into other people's serving dishes. I'm not vegan and I'm judging that unhygienic disgusting behaviour.

It’s a bit previous for a non-medical diet, but it is a simple request so no reason not to just nod and move on. They were rude.

I have to ask for careful separation for allergies. No one but the people I actually live with take it seriously enough. They don’t understand the quick second or the tiny spill means the dish is now truly off limits, even in a survival situation. I don’t tend to get enough to eat at extended family meals.

You’re not being unreasonable AT ALL and I can’t believe anyone thinks you are.

I’m a vegetarian and would really dislike anyone putting their meat spoons in my veggie dishes. No one I know would do that or think I was being weird asking them not to.

Also, meat eaters who think the OP is being unreasonable, no one is judging you for your diet choices but they are for your hygiene ones. Meat / vegan / whatever - don’t put your used forks or spoons in shared food!!

Please don’t tell me they have been eating from the forks that they are then dipping into other peoples food? That’s really grim if so, I would be keeping my dish separate just for that reason 🤢

I think it’s a bit over the top. It’s not like you’re allergic to shellfish so please don’t mix the utensils as you’d have a reaction. It’s just that you don’t want to eat meat. Same as I don’t eat dill. But I wouldn’t seperate utensils for that.

Double dipping - sharing saliva with the wider extended family and their plus ones. If not loving that makes a person a "fun sponge" then I'm sure I'm the only one happy to accept that label in return for not having the forks from other people's mouths stuck into my dinner.

Given all the claims about the health benefits of meat and how pathetic and easily offended vegans are according to meat eaters, people who eat meat seem very fragile and unable to handle any social interaction that doesn’t revolve round their dietary habits without turning into sensitive, offended whinging babies. This thread has a few prime examples. I see a usual suspect contrarian who seems to spend a lot of time on vegan and vegetarian threads despite despising them. I suspect they might be the only attention they get.

Is it the constipation that has them out of sorts or the indigestion, I wonder.

Next time pick your nose with a fork and stick it in their food. If they are offended tell them it’s just a little bit of snot and roll your eyes indulgently at how precious and silly they are.

You're right. And it really isn't difficult to respect that and I say that as a meat eater. No meat forks in the vegan dishes. Use the vegan spoon.

Basically, if people don't do that then the vegan could be inclined to say 'i don't want to share' (especially as they have literally no benefit from sharing and if anything a danger of cross contamination) so really people should just be respectful for the vegan and their own benefit.

I'm vegetarian and in my experience it's the meat eaters that make a song and dance about. I've lost count of the number of times I've simply ordered food and other people pipe up about "oh is there something there for you? What are you going to eat?" "Alucard55 is a vegetarian".

I know there are some preachy vegan/vegetarian types but most of us are able to go through life without making an issue it.

Sigh.
Yet another thicko who doesn't get it.

Go away and educate yourself.

From a meat eater who does get it.

bore off with the "smugness"
OP had ordered her own food in her own home and made a perfectly reasonable request.

I am hugely petty so i would probably have just licked a (clean) spoon and put it in the meat dishes.

OP next time insist that only vegan food is ordered and enjoy your evening when they leave in a huff.

Listing things everyone can agree is a more stupid reason than being vegan doesn't seem like great examples.

Well not eating dill isnt a principle is it?
You dont eat it becsuse you dont like it i dont like liver and wouldnt eat it if you paid
But im assuming the Op is vegan for ethicle reasons and doesnt want her food contaminated by animal products its not hard to respect other peoples principles even if they dont align to your own

Completely agree. I don't get the 'vegans/veggies are always so vocal about it's thing at all as by and large they are the complete opposite. It's always meat eaters drawing attention to them. (I'm a meat eater).

YANBU and your family were rude and entirely in the wrong. I wouldn’t even buy meat for my family members to eat (I’m also vegan). If people eat at my home they eat the vegan food I provide. If they want to eat meat they can do that somewhere else and they can pay for it!

Having special fork status in a busy shared dishes environment doesn't sound very practical, so I'm not convinced that OP was being practical.

”Special fork status”? “A busy shared dishes environment”? OP put some serving spoons next to some dishes on a dining table. It hardly seems likely to have caused mass confusion.

Jesus, they can teach chimps to make a cup of PG Tips. Surely adult humans are capable of mastering “Spoon for serving, fork for eating”.

Oh, if that's the case, I can just use the same spoon I dished up the dog food from the tin with on your dinner. After all, such a small amount of the dog food wouldn't do you any harm so, we don't need separate utensils for serving each dish.... 🤷‍♀️