AIBU to ask family to keep vegan takeaway dishes separate?

[TakeawayRow]

Last weekend we got an Indian takeaway with family who were visiting. Everyone chose their food and I ordered it.

Some people decided they wanted to try others food, everyone was ok with that but I asked that people didn’t use the same utensils for the vegan dishes and meat dishes because I’m vegan and didn’t want meat in my food.

I thought this was a normal, fair and easy request but a couple of my family members started saying I was being over the top and asking what I thought would happen if some meat got in my food. I said I didn’t want to eat meat or animal products, even tiny amount, not that I thought anything would happen. They accused me of ruining the evening. I didn’t. I asked them, they caused a fuss, I explained my reasons and then carried on with the night. Everyone else got on with the night but these 2 spent the evening making sarcastic comments towards me and ignoring me at times.

Would you have had an issue with using separate utensils to put some of the vegan food on your plate, would you have seen it as ‘over the top’ or just been courteous and used different utensils with no fuss?

We are seeing this family member again next month. Lucky us. We will likely get a takeaway again and I’m thinking of just saying hands off and no one can try mine. 😬

I agree with this. People seem to think if you’re veggie or vegan you think you’re superior.

So they attack you to make themselves feel better.

You are not even being a teeny bit unreasonable OP. Also, don’t pay for their food ever again. Twunts

Saying that someone else’s food choice might ‘contaminate’ yours is inherently judgy. I can see how it wouldn’t have gone down particularly well. Even if you got the tiniest lick of animal protein it would have made zero difference to you or the animal so it’s performative.

Ugh. I’m not vegan but if someone starts mixing the balti spoon in the tikka masala I’d feel sick. Who does that? One spoon for each dish obviously

That is gross.

We serve up DS’s GF’s veggie food first, always. We don’t put her veggie main in the same oven with the turkey and we separate her BBQ stuff as well.

I am really surprised at some of the comments here. The OP was not smug, did not say “look at me, I’m vegan” she simply asked (quite reasonably!) for separate spoons/forks.

I am in my 50s and have never eaten meat. We often have parties where we cook for a large number of people and leave all the food for everyone to help themselves. I always remind our guests that I would like them to use separate utensils and nobody bats an eyelid.

Or maybe some of my friends are like the few posters who internally eye roll, but I don’t think it’s an unreasonable request.

I hate this stereotype that vegetarians / vegans are smug and lecture others. I have never done this, my food choices are MY food choices. I don’t really care what others eat (unless they put a meat spoon in my food …)

This.

Not only do you not put the chicken spoon in the vegan lentil dish, you don't put the prawn spoon in the chicken, or the extra hot chilli sauce spoon in the butter chicken.

Surely this is common sense - most people want to choose what they eat, not have other people smear bits of other dishes into communal or someone else's food.

If each person has chosen a dish, sharing usually results in a polite person who waits out the initial scramble to serve themselves getting very little of the thing they actually want, and being left with the bean sprouts someone else ordered and didn't fancy after they saw other, better, orders. So I'd say everyone eats what they ordered for themselves!

It's that level of disrespect to me and what I want of my diet which make me say no thank I dont share my food.

It is normal to use separate utensils for vegan and vegetarian food. Anyone with half a brain cell understands the issues associated with cross contamination.

People who don’t eat meat, do not want their meal to be cross contaminated with any meat products.

It’s common sense - not a big deal and anyone who thinks it is a big deal is only being difficult and ignorant. Lacking the ability to empathise and see situations from anyone else’s point of view.

I say this as someone who eats anything.

Your relatives sound mad OP. If using a clean spoon ruins their night they must lead very sheltered lives. Order only vegan next time. Fuck em.

Saying that someone else’s food choice might ‘contaminate’ yours is inherently judgy.

No it isn't. If you don't eat meat or animal products then it isn't judgy, it is a fact. and saying that it is judgy just says more about you and your disrespect of other people with different dietary choices than the vegan.

Utter nonsense.

It's very possible to accommodate people's choices and point out that they have nothing to do with a medical condition.

Yes, it's precious and frankly disrespectful to make a comparison with someone who has a medical allergy.

People wouldn't roll their eyes so much if you didn't make such a fuss. Most people don't want to mix serving spoons anyway.

Bollocks. “Cross-contamination” is simply a technical term.

Granted, it probably has a few too many syllables for the kind of people OP is dealing with. Maybe “Don’t get no meat n shit in my food, yeah bruv?” would be more digestible?

But they did mix their serving spoons. So what’s your point?

How is it performative?
The Op is a vegan and therefor doesnt want to eat animsl products at all
I dont know why this is such a difficult concept for people to grasp

I actually went to look up a definition of veganism to decide what I thought about OP's situation. Because OP started by saying she's vegan, so I presumed she follows the statements of the (British)(*) vegan society, who say

"Veganism is a philosophy and way of living which seeks to exclude – as far as is possible and practicable – all forms of exploitation of, and cruelty to, animals for food, ... In dietary terms it denotes the practice of dispensing with all products derived wholly or partly from animals."

(*)I do know some people who call themselves vegan who don't subscribe to the V.Society beliefs, but I started by supposing OP did agree with all that.

Having special fork status in a busy shared dishes environment doesn't sound very practical, so I'm not convinced that OP was being practical. OP also said that it makes her feel sick to think of eating meat products... not being able to enjoy her food is more relatable than declaring if it's practical to decontaminate forks. I think OP should have gone more with that line about "I just can't stand idea of eating it".

If a fussy eater person paid for my meal & asked me to do what OP asked, I'd go along with it for sure, btw. Sounds like OP has resolved her future strategy which is good.

You’re spectacularly missing the point 😳

Because they are thick and socially unaware.

I'm not vegan, or vegetarian but I'd have thought it was common courtesy not to use the same utensils.

They sound like they just wanted to pick an argument around you not being a meat eater.

You need a special fork OP so that you can stab them in the back of their nasty, grabby, meaty little hands whenever they come near your food.

This, the only way this situation YAU would be if you meant NO MEAT IN THE SAME ROOM AS ME!! you’re asking for basic hygiene from them, they are total grim arseholes!

No you are not being unreasonable I work as a promoter for a lot of food brands. I’ve had to do all my food certification etc and when I an doing a vegan alternative for people to try as well as something with meat in I have to be really careful none of the utensils , chopping boards and saucepans are used for both, also not allowed on the same plate . The food industry takes it seriously why shouldn’t everyone and I’m not vegan

Also non of seems fair on the Op
She has one dish to eat and everbody wants a taste of it
She cant try other peoples dishes here due to being a vegan this seems very unfair

It’s really not difficult to use a separate fork when asked. 9 other people managed to do it without an issue, including a 9 year old child, so to say it wasn’t practical doesn’t make sense. If they really couldn’t manage it, then they just don’t get to eat my food, which I’d have been fine with.

If I’d have said to them that I can’t stand the thought of eating meat, no doubt I’d have been accused of being judgmental.

Totally normal thing to ask, I’ve seen and done this plenty of times with veggie / vegan friends and family.

I also know people who wouldn’t like the idea of someone else’s fork in the shared food vegan or not - it’s the whole point of serving spoons.

No need for them to make a fuss over this!