To have expected him to have said something?

[poorlytoe]

We had a date night planned as we both thought we needed to spend some quality time together so we bought some wine, agreed on a nice meal to have just us once the little ones had gone to bed which is 7:00.

Anyway about 6:50 just as I was upstairs getting the children ready for bed and looking forward to the evening we had planned, step son turned up baring in mind he is in his 20s and lives a 10 minute walk away, I assumed he wouldn’t stay long as Dh would probably say we had already made plans this evening but Dh said nothing while our plans went down the pan and stepson sat there until 10:15 before going home and all Dh could say was it wasn’t his fault as he didn’t know he was going to turn up.
AIBU to have thought he would have said something as we had plans?
I hadn’t bought enough ingredients for a date night for 3 so I didn’t end up cooking the salmon but Dh did open the wine and pour it 3 ways.

So you're telling me that in all of your years in the family courts, not ONCE have the courts ever decided that what is best for the child is different to what YOU say is best? Or they've never considered what's best for the child based on the individual circumstances? Only the prior studies?

Of course they decide on individual circumstances, but you seem to want to argue with years of data and research from experts in their field.

Yes!! And I’m sorry that this is derailing the thread a bit, but if someone made me salmon for date night, I’d be gutted 😂 Salmon is a healthy weeknight dinner - with salad or veg and rice. Date night is steak, or takeaway, or maybe a delicious pasta dish or a cheeseboard!!

Back on topic, if this happened to me, I would just cook the bloody salmon and give smaller portions, serve it with bread etc. If my own child turned up, I’d be happy to share, and I guess a step child should be treated the same!

I'm beginning to doubt your ability to read.

I have always said that SOMETIMES what the studies say isn't right for someone. And that NOT ALL blended families are bad.

You just keep telling me that the studies say I'm wrong. And that you dislike blended families.

I am not here to convince you.

If you want to ignore the data and research or suggest it doesn't matter, that is your right.

I don’t like salmon. I like my son.

And yet again, you can't admit that SOMETIMES a blended family isn't bad.

SOMETIMES.

Every study will be based on majorities or averages from a certain cross section of the population. And those studies will acknowledge that not 100% of cases will match it. Because that, my friend, is how data and statistics work.

SO SOMETIMES BLENDED FAMILIES AREN'T BAD.

You won't burst into flames for acknowledging that.

But to some people, salmon is exactly what they'd want for a special meal. Some people would hate the idea of steak 🤷

You dont get to dictate what constitute a date night for somebody else. Op has already said they dont have people to babysit so for them a nice/special meal and drink IS a date night. Or would have been if her husband had spoken up

Is money tight, are you not home every night, can’t you buy another bottle of wine and do it tonight or tomorrow?

id also not chuck my kid out as I wanted to drink wine and have sex and I’m sure when yours are that age you will feel the same.

I literally said a few posts up there will be anomalies.

Firstly I am glad you agree, no but I hope it might make people think twice.

I think this depends on how their relationship has been and what side of 25 he is. Next time preempt that he might turn up and get your DH to pre warn him that you have plans.

I give up.

All the experience you claim to have and you're incredibly intolerant of people giving their own lives experience to you.

OBVIOUSLY I’m being droll. You wouldn’t be invited to my date night though

Why, cos it's be steak? I love steak. There's just a LOT of people on here saying it wasn't a date night because it was just salmon.

So you can see why you saying the same thing wouldn't seem "droll" in the context of this thread.

It not about being ignorant it's about speaking in facts.

If I said children from private school on the whole get better exam results and earn more money as adults - I would be speaking in undisputed facts.

You could come along and tell me about a private school id you know who grew up to be a heroin addict and never worked a day in his life.

That might very well be true - but it would be an anomaly and wouldn't change the fact that my statement was factual.

I said intolerant not ignorant.

Again, I'm questioning your ability to read.

To be honest I am questioning yours now.

We appear to be going around in circles.

So to be clear you are not arguing with the data you are just calling me intolerant

And closed minded

I am very firm in my beliefs, and if that means close minded to some then so be it.

I see that.

Wouldn't hurt you to consider occasionally whether you might SOMETIMES (just in case you struggle to see that) be wrong about SOME things.

Broaden your horizons and all that.

But it’s just eating salmon and talking, not a date night..!? What do you usually do?

It's not about being right or wrong, this isn't opinion we are talking about.

I am not saying Paris is the best city in the world and I wont hear any different.

I read, I study, and I look at clinical studies on the family over the last 50 years.

Not a big deal have your meal another night, why did you open the wine?