To have expected him to have said something?

[poorlytoe]

We had a date night planned as we both thought we needed to spend some quality time together so we bought some wine, agreed on a nice meal to have just us once the little ones had gone to bed which is 7:00.

Anyway about 6:50 just as I was upstairs getting the children ready for bed and looking forward to the evening we had planned, step son turned up baring in mind he is in his 20s and lives a 10 minute walk away, I assumed he wouldn’t stay long as Dh would probably say we had already made plans this evening but Dh said nothing while our plans went down the pan and stepson sat there until 10:15 before going home and all Dh could say was it wasn’t his fault as he didn’t know he was going to turn up.
AIBU to have thought he would have said something as we had plans?
I hadn’t bought enough ingredients for a date night for 3 so I didn’t end up cooking the salmon but Dh did open the wine and pour it 3 ways.

But if their kids go to bed generally at 7.00 are they really not spending time together? Do they work different shifts or something? Because surely the best part of the evening and all night is plenty of time!

You still had your wine, instead I’d a half a bottle you had a third. The difference is 17 percent, less than a glass from your share.

can’t you buy another one? How you be so upset in giving him a small glass.

edit to add I really hope your partner wasn’t as disappointed as you. Because you won’t feel like this when it’s your own. Dad of the year right there if he was

I used to pray for my parents to get divorced because they argued so much

I assume you're someone who can drop up to £100+ on babysitters and eating out. Not everyone can.

Do you often like to minimise how people afford to spend their quality time together?

My dad always says he wished his mum could have left his dad, but it wasn't the done thing in those days. He only has good memories from his childhood of him and his mum, and he remembers her being sad and overshadowed when his dad was around.

No one should have to feel like that.

I have friends who spend all evening doing housework, because they work full time, or a second job because they can't afford not to. And friends who work shifts. DH used to when we were first married. We now have to get up really early, because of our work schedules, so we've often not got very much of an evening.

So if there's an evening set aside to spend quality time together, whatever the plans, it's disappointing if it doesn't pan out. Because it's taken effort to make sure that time is there.

It’s because she’s a Step mum. Always the villain

I think if neither of you said anything, it tends to indicate that neither of you were that bothered tbh.

Couldnt agree more! They NEVER work.

It's tricky. I can see why you were disappointed but i don't think your DH could have done much. I really would not ask an adult child to leave in those circumstances.

That poster did a thread about popping to London and paying £19 for one slice of cheesecake. I imagine they are not short of a bob or two.

I have no personal experience. But I have seen some families where it does really seem to work. How can you say ‘NEVER’? Seriously.

Wow...🤣

Talk about out of touch.

I can imagine there is something special about saying,’ tonight we are not going to do admin, talk about jobs or do chores. Let’s just relax, have some nice non-kid-friendly food, and watch some crap TV together’. Yes it’s not glam or flashy, but it’s about dedicating some time to relaxing as a couple. I don’t see why people here are diminishing it.

There is something quite tacky and embarrassing about people thinking it doesn’t count as a date night because it’s ‘just’ salmon at home.

How come you couldn’t just do the date night the next again night OP?

Have you met all of the blended families in the world? That must have been an effort.

My children were made up when we divorced. We were awful together and they hated it. I wish my parents had divorced, living with constant fear of arguments and simmering discontent, witnessing 2 people who have no love for each other

That’s sad. My parents’ home is my home too.

Me too
i used to blame myself and do all sorts of anxiety rituals in the hope they would be happy
it caused me all sorts of issues in adulthood, including staying with my husband far too long.
my children used to beg me to leave, and now I have taught them to have healthy relationships, to have self worth and boundaries, that love matters

people have no idea with their patronising ‘trauma of divorce’ judgement

Buy another bottle of wine and do it tonight?

Unless it’s a special date then presumably it can be rescheduled?

Since you are choosing to accuse people of being tacky, can you explain why you would use that word? Because some people would think date nights to be tacky and embarrassing. Not me - I don’t care

My parents home is my childhood home. And I know I'm welcome there and could live there if I needed to. But it not my home anymore. I've built my own.

I really disagree with this - I have my own dc (young) as well as dsc’s in their late 20’s. This kind of thing happens to us all the time and I am really happy they want to spend time with us

Oh and in terms of ‘asking kids’ both sets of dc’s ar extremely happy with their set up and believe me they would all say otherwise if they wanted to