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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Aibu to think that clean eating isn’t that bad?

273 replies

arethereanyleftatall · 05/06/2026 09:36

DD, 17, only eats ‘clean’. She eats like this because she says she feels much better on it, and for her that’s a priority above all else. And, to be fair to her, she’s thriving. Doing well at alevels, volunteering, working, and generally a wonderfully bright and joyous person to be around. This is in stark contrast to the gcse years with school refusal, period pains, excessive sleeping, no homework completed ever.
if it’s relevant, and so as not to drip feed, she ticks every adhd box at the top, but not diagnosed although we’re 4 years in now on the nhs list, and she’s got through the first few stages, and probably autism, but is able to mask so much, that that isn’t noticeable to the outside world.
daily menu for her would be steak, eggs, salmon, about 4 different fruits/veg, honey, all organic, and meat/fish/eggs only cooked in a special non Teflon pan with tallow. Drinks are filtered water only, and a hot drink with ginger, lemon.
I didn’t think this was too bad, expensive yes but I can afford it, but many of her peers are eating junk on the daily, and drinking alcohol, so compared to that, I feel like she’s ok. Yes, I know there’s lots in between that and balance would be key but I can’t force any near adult to eat, and certainly not DD for whom telling her what to do has the exact opposite effect.
anyway. On here last night, i discovered there’s a diagnosis for this - orthorexia, and it scared me. Oh, one last thing, it doesn’t stop her eating out socially, she’ll order steak and chips and I’ll eat her chips.

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ChristmasRager · 05/06/2026 21:53

I don’t think it sounds bad - you feel great for clean eating and ultimately, that’s the very best way to fell so why would she want to throw that away now she’s in this great habit? Others might find it annoying - some out of insecurity for their own habits I would say - but ultimately, each to their own.

TheWineoftheChicken · 05/06/2026 21:57

ChristmasRager · 05/06/2026 21:53

I don’t think it sounds bad - you feel great for clean eating and ultimately, that’s the very best way to fell so why would she want to throw that away now she’s in this great habit? Others might find it annoying - some out of insecurity for their own habits I would say - but ultimately, each to their own.

What’s ‘dirty eating’, just out of interest?

NiftyGreenBiscuit · 05/06/2026 22:20

You must be absolutely loaded to fund this diet of hers.

TransportNerd · 05/06/2026 22:34

TheWineoftheChicken · 05/06/2026 21:57

What’s ‘dirty eating’, just out of interest?

The concept of any foods having a "moral" value as such gets extremely dodgy. We all have different tastes and preferences, and that's fine, but convincing yourself that there's a moral superiority to your diet is an obnoxious and potentially quite dangerous road to go down.

arethereanyleftatall · 05/06/2026 22:41

NiftyGreenBiscuit · 05/06/2026 22:20

You must be absolutely loaded to fund this diet of hers.

I can’t decide if it’s better that I can or if I couldn’t. If I couldn’t fund steak and raspberries, would she just have chosen a different cheaper few items.

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arethereanyleftatall · 05/06/2026 22:43

I’m sorry to have used the word clean. I should probably have gone with ‘single ingredient foods’. Clean isn’t the word DD uses generally, although I did think it was the standard word for single ingredient food.

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Gwenhwyfar · 05/06/2026 22:57

TransportNerd · 05/06/2026 21:38

Exactly, if your diet is generally good, then the odd KFC, Maccy D's or microwave meal is going to be completely harmless. Skipping meals because nothing "good" enough is available is a very, very bad sign.

I think not being able to eat socially is a bigger problem.

TransportNerd · 05/06/2026 23:01

Gwenhwyfar · 05/06/2026 22:57

I think not being able to eat socially is a bigger problem.

Yeah, I'd consider that an enormous problem. I'll quite happily eat food I otherwise wouldn't in order to socialise.

arethereanyleftatall · 05/06/2026 23:07

She can (currently and hopefully to continue) eat socially. In fact her way of eating is probably easier to manage than many others, eg veganism/coeliacs as most restaurants will have steak or fish. We don’t have mcds or kfc or any fast food outlet in our town.

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Gwenhwyfar · 05/06/2026 23:12

arethereanyleftatall · 05/06/2026 23:07

She can (currently and hopefully to continue) eat socially. In fact her way of eating is probably easier to manage than many others, eg veganism/coeliacs as most restaurants will have steak or fish. We don’t have mcds or kfc or any fast food outlet in our town.

But you said that you eat her chips. She should be able to eat out without you being there.

arethereanyleftatall · 05/06/2026 23:16

Gwenhwyfar · 05/06/2026 23:12

But you said that you eat her chips. She should be able to eat out without you being there.

She’d have no problem leaving them on the plate if someone else didn’t want them. This isn’t currently stopping her eating in restaurants.

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Hellometime · 05/06/2026 23:16

What does she do for School/college lunch Op?
What does she make if she’s got a friend over or at their house in holidays.

arethereanyleftatall · 05/06/2026 23:34

Hellometime · 05/06/2026 23:16

What does she do for School/college lunch Op?
What does she make if she’s got a friend over or at their house in holidays.

She just takes steak with her, eats it cold. She had access to a small room to work in, so she eats it in there I imagine during free period when no one else is there. Fruit too which is more normal so she’d just eat that wherever. So I think from her doing that she would acknowledge that it’s not socially acceptable to eat just a cold steak for lunch, but she would not acknowledge that it’s not healthy to do so. Her argument becomes much easier for her to explain health wise when her cohort are eating pizza and bacon sandwiches from the canteen. So whilst an optimum meal might be meat/veg/carb - that isn’t what her age group are eating at school.

her friends don’t really do meals at others houses atm so it doesn’t come up.

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Mummyoflittledragon · 05/06/2026 23:37

arethereanyleftatall · 05/06/2026 20:03

Thank you so much all. I’ve just come back to this thread after work, I’m going to read it very thoroughly this weekend. Truly appreciated.

there are very mixed opinions, often complete opposites with some saying it’s very bad and some saying it’s not at all bad. This is comforting that it is not completely unanimous.

I meant to read this properly, and process it all, before speaking to her, but as she wanted to go to the shops just now I took my chance. Kept it lighthearted ish, but spoke of that I worry about where this would go in the future. And that I wish she’d eat a bigger range. Spoke of control. I have left it at quite a short conversation as this works best for her, just drip something in then let her process and research.

I asked the would she drink tap water if dehydrated question and she said yes, and in fact she had done at a friends house a few weeks ago.

i love the idea of getting her to speak to a nutritionist, I’ll research that, thank you. She does have a counsellor at school anyway, an hour a week, so I suggested she tell her and see what she says.

My main point was, it isn’t the food, it’s the lack of flexibility. And that if she isn’t flexible, that’s essentially what an eating disorder is, and that’s what we/she needs to make sure doesn’t happen.

so, I’ve opened the conversation, that will do for now. And in good news, when we went shopping, she added a different fruit to the basket she hasn’t had for ages in response to our chat.

Thank you so much x

It’s not unanimous because:
a) the general public don’t understand eating disorders. Why would they unless they’ve been through it and truly recovered or have a loved one with ED?
b) there’s plenty of people in complete denial that they have an ED. Your dd is a case in point.
Anyone, who says what your dd is doing is completely ok either doesn’t get it. Or has an ED / disordered eating themselves.

The reason as to why your dd feels ok is because people, who restrict their intake feel euphoric. It is one of the symptoms.

Your dd potentially has AuDHD. I get that the potential ADHD can be totally masking the autism. One of the characteristics of AuDHD is often the need for control. Your dd has latched onto a way to control her environment.

My dd is 17. I get it’s hard at this age but you absolutely should do something about this before she restricts further.

clickyteeclick · 06/06/2026 06:19

arethereanyleftatall · 05/06/2026 23:34

She just takes steak with her, eats it cold. She had access to a small room to work in, so she eats it in there I imagine during free period when no one else is there. Fruit too which is more normal so she’d just eat that wherever. So I think from her doing that she would acknowledge that it’s not socially acceptable to eat just a cold steak for lunch, but she would not acknowledge that it’s not healthy to do so. Her argument becomes much easier for her to explain health wise when her cohort are eating pizza and bacon sandwiches from the canteen. So whilst an optimum meal might be meat/veg/carb - that isn’t what her age group are eating at school.

her friends don’t really do meals at others houses atm so it doesn’t come up.

She’s hiding away eating her lunch. This is worrying. Please don’t normalise that for her.

Dozer · 06/06/2026 06:30

Agree with @Mummyoflittledragon

disordered eating or already much worse. Seems a new(ish) facet of the problems she’s experiencing.

Don’t ignore your alarm bells or minimise.

Dozer · 06/06/2026 07:04
  • Neurodivergence (risk factor for ED)
  • History of problems such as school refusal, not doing studies, not getting up, conflict with and problem behaviour with others at home etc. (risk for MH issues such as ED).
  • Saying only a small number of foods and bottled water are ‘good’.
  • Insisting on those foods.
  • Saying it is ‘healthy’.
  • Not eating / drinking other things.
  • Having one ‘safe’ pan.
  • For a time, wouldn’t touch stuff if plastic had touched it.
  • Not eating for a day when didn’t have access to ‘safe’ foods.
  • A month of only eating ‘safe’ meats and eggs, as the ‘safe’ fruit wasn’t in season, and she wouldn’t touch stuff if plastic had touched it.
  • Avoiding eating with others at school.
  • You think it is to do with control and regulation.
  • Seemingly now achieving ‘thriving’.
  • Has lot of arguments to justify actions.
  • ’Asks for absolutely nothing else’.
  • On being challenged about eating added one additional ‘safe’ food (a fruit).
  • Seems to be drawing you into the ‘this is OK’ arguments so that you don’t question and continue to fund and enable it (control of you).

Disagree with your suggestions that

  • ‘controlling your food intake to just meat, fish, eggs and fruit, is about as good as you can get if you have an internal ‘need’ to control something’.
TheThirteenthFairy · 06/06/2026 07:52

I wish it was wasn't called 'clean' eating - denoting something pure, fresh, uncontaminated, free from stains. It sounds very appealing, doesn't it? Quite seductive. Who'd want to go back to dirty eating?

Undercookedby10 · 06/06/2026 08:19

arethereanyleftatall · 05/06/2026 10:26

So, there has been full days where her diet hasn’t been available to her, such as long flights etc and she just hasn’t eaten anything that day but she would argue that the wonderful thing about this diet is that she never gets hungry. She will just eat loads the next day or plan in advance and eat loads the day before.

Sorry OP but this tipped my opinion. It's controlling and rigid with diet and a great justification to boot. This needs care before it goes too far. You need a gentle approach because if you one day notice it's a problem it's going to be much worse than you realise and far too late for persuasion.

I do hope this is a phase.

Wideeyed66 · 06/06/2026 08:27

Getmeacoffeenow · 05/06/2026 10:11

This is like comparing someone restricting calories to lose weight to extreme calorie restriction like anorexia.

Please educate yourself on what Orthorexia actually it, this is an insensitive thread. Google is free.

She’s asking for advice and that’s what the forums are for, no need to be rude and project your own issues on it, just scroll and move on.

BreatheAndFocus · 06/06/2026 08:27

OP, you asked a question in a way that suggested your thoughts (it’s not that bad) and phrased your OP to support that (my DD is great, lovely, thriving) and you seem to be minimising this. I’m not sure if this is because you had concerns about your DD before and now this ‘isn’t too bad’ in comparison or if you’re being motivated by some disordered outlook on eating yourself (mild disorder isn’t uncommon, just look at MN).

But whichever it is, your DD has an ED or is very close to developing one. I wrote about mine a page or so before. I don’t think you understand how they start, how innocuous and ‘not too bad’ things seem at the start. Your DD is indulging in disordered eating and, unless, you/she get a grip on it, she’s at risk of being very ill and fucking up her life for years.

It’s not ‘not too bad’. It’s very bad. It has alarm bells ringing all over it.

Dozer · 06/06/2026 09:02

Agree with much of your posts @BreatheAndFocus and am sorry your DD (and therefore you and your family) is experiencing. I don’t think ‘indulging’ is a good word in this context - more like it’s a problem being experienced, or behaviours that aren’t good, are risky.

arethereanyleftatall · 06/06/2026 09:32

Thank you for all the advice. I have a friend who is a clinical psychologist specialising in food disorders so I will seek her advice too.

just to answer a few things…

the reason I spoke about her currently thriving is because it’s such a contrast to how she was at 14/15 and the only thing she has changed is her diet. It is very difficult to get her to understand it’s a negative when what she is seeing and feeling is period pains gone, excessive sleeping gone, focus at school much better, bouncing and full of energy. It isn’t that I want to minimise this, just that this is what I’ve seen from her.

When I had spoken to real life friends about this (not too many as some think you sound like a twat if you say ‘my dd will only eat steak’ even though it’s actually a real problem, it’s a non-starter) their reaction was fairly unanimous that there are far worse foods 17 yr olds are eating and drinking. But I absolutely accept I think it was @Mummyoflittledragons point that that is because they don’t understand eating disorders.

I had hoped it was a phase at first, she’s had these her whole life, eg only spag bol for about 4 months, then we were on to Yorkshire puds etc; but it’s going on too long now. So my strategy had been to keep quiet ish, point out I didn’t agree with it, but accommodate it as a phase. Now I have opened the convo more seriously and will keep it open. Today I plan to talk about calcium, thank you to the poster below who detailed all the groups. I’m reading all the comments and processing, even if not individually replying. Thank you.

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Dozer · 06/06/2026 09:36

Probably best not to engage further with DD on it until you’ve had professional advice and read up on information from sources such as ED and autism charities.

arethereanyleftatall · 06/06/2026 10:04

Thank you @JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff

very informative post and I will look up Tim Spector. I might have the pod cast on when dd is in the vicinity

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