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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Aibu to think that clean eating isn’t that bad?

273 replies

arethereanyleftatall · 05/06/2026 09:36

DD, 17, only eats ‘clean’. She eats like this because she says she feels much better on it, and for her that’s a priority above all else. And, to be fair to her, she’s thriving. Doing well at alevels, volunteering, working, and generally a wonderfully bright and joyous person to be around. This is in stark contrast to the gcse years with school refusal, period pains, excessive sleeping, no homework completed ever.
if it’s relevant, and so as not to drip feed, she ticks every adhd box at the top, but not diagnosed although we’re 4 years in now on the nhs list, and she’s got through the first few stages, and probably autism, but is able to mask so much, that that isn’t noticeable to the outside world.
daily menu for her would be steak, eggs, salmon, about 4 different fruits/veg, honey, all organic, and meat/fish/eggs only cooked in a special non Teflon pan with tallow. Drinks are filtered water only, and a hot drink with ginger, lemon.
I didn’t think this was too bad, expensive yes but I can afford it, but many of her peers are eating junk on the daily, and drinking alcohol, so compared to that, I feel like she’s ok. Yes, I know there’s lots in between that and balance would be key but I can’t force any near adult to eat, and certainly not DD for whom telling her what to do has the exact opposite effect.
anyway. On here last night, i discovered there’s a diagnosis for this - orthorexia, and it scared me. Oh, one last thing, it doesn’t stop her eating out socially, she’ll order steak and chips and I’ll eat her chips.

OP posts:
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BreatheAndFocus · 06/06/2026 10:04

Dozer · 06/06/2026 09:02

Agree with much of your posts @BreatheAndFocus and am sorry your DD (and therefore you and your family) is experiencing. I don’t think ‘indulging’ is a good word in this context - more like it’s a problem being experienced, or behaviours that aren’t good, are risky.

I agree. There’s no doubt a better word than ‘indulging’ but I couldn’t think of one and didn’t want to lose my flow. I didn’t mean ‘indulging’ as in ‘indulging herself’, I meant it in a ‘taking part in’ way.

OP, I’m glad you’re going to seek advice. I hope your DD gets support and an understanding of what’s going on.

Undercookedby10 · 06/06/2026 10:09

Just a thought, sorry if covered but as someone with AuDHD the eg spag bol only for four months, resonated strongly with me. I only ate one food for dinner when living alone (do not let her do this at uni) as an example. I'd only wear one type of thing, listen to one song, read one author, watch one show, do one type of exercise etc etc for months at different stages, then move onto my next obsession, phase, fad, hyperfocus. I think this is a neuro diverse trait also, if she has shown other phases so to speak. Mine did end in an eating disorder, which is not uncommon as a pp mentioned for ND people, but things eventually improved. I'll still do these obsessive things but less extreme. Just something to consider.

arethereanyleftatall · 06/06/2026 10:24

Thank you @Dozer. This is a very valid point as whenever we debate anything, dd is a billion times more articulate and will have an answer for anything, or even just make something up quoting a reference on the spot, and I won’t be able to respond.

regarding social events. I think dd, and the rest of her generation, are much better at accepting how people are, accommodating their preferences far more than 30 years ago. And this is a good thing. I can absolutely imagine dd simply charming the pants off someone whilst saying ‘no thank you, I don’t eat lasagne.’

regarding autism. For anyone to spot dds autism, you would basically need to live with her. The doctor said she hasn’t got it, presumably as dd is very engaging, eye contact, charming etc out in society. When I went to the drs re autism and adhd she was dismissed at first stage for autism but we’re still on pathway for adhd.

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 06/06/2026 10:26

Undercookedby10 · 06/06/2026 10:09

Just a thought, sorry if covered but as someone with AuDHD the eg spag bol only for four months, resonated strongly with me. I only ate one food for dinner when living alone (do not let her do this at uni) as an example. I'd only wear one type of thing, listen to one song, read one author, watch one show, do one type of exercise etc etc for months at different stages, then move onto my next obsession, phase, fad, hyperfocus. I think this is a neuro diverse trait also, if she has shown other phases so to speak. Mine did end in an eating disorder, which is not uncommon as a pp mentioned for ND people, but things eventually improved. I'll still do these obsessive things but less extreme. Just something to consider.

Thank you. Yes, this is why I let it go for a few months, I thought she’d move on. I should just say in the spag Bol stage, it wasn’t just spag Bol, she was still eating well and a range, that would just be her request. Younger then.

OP posts:
Dozer · 06/06/2026 10:29

Often impossible to influence / persuade a teen of anything, let alone one not neurotypical and/or with an ED!

But we can continue to decide in our own minds what WE think. Whatever we decide to do / say (or not) next to seek to help our teens. They don’t need to agree with our thoughts.

arethereanyleftatall · 06/06/2026 10:30

BreatheAndFocus · 05/06/2026 21:18

Reading your posts made me uneasy, OP. I had an eating disorder in my late teens and a lot of what you’ve said sounded like me in the early stages. It was all about control - control over something (food) to distract from the fear of the unknown (growing up, life, uni, career, etc). Mine started similarly to your DD. I didn’t follow the same diet as hers but it did go quite quickly into carb restriction (although I never called it that and always talked about health) I was eating ok to Then it all went wrong…

My advice is to keep conversations very light and non-accusatory. Talk about things as though you’re interested in it too, eg you might mention an interesting article you’d read about the Mediterranean Diet and say how you realise you’re not eating enough wholegrains and pulses and how good they are for your heart and gut. Don’t labour the point. You have to sprinkle things in and allow her to take things on board and process them.

Her diet sounds very restrictive and very low in carbs, which isn’t good. She’s also over-eating protein and that’s not great either. Her comment about the porridge sounds exactly like a friend who has very disordered eating and says similar things. She follows a keto diet and is on a forum with people who say the stupidest things and who I swear have cognitive problems due to their diet. They’re completely entrenched in their lunacy. Please be very, very careful.

As an aside, cavemen ate mostly carbs, along with small amounts of meat. The image of a caveman gnawing on a bison leg for breakfast is very wrong.

Thank you @BreatheAndFocus, I will heed this advice. Dd doesn’t respond at all positively to being told what to do, so I will keep it light.

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 06/06/2026 10:36

Thank you @Frillysweetpea, calcium will be my next drip.

I had been focussing on fibre to now, but actually on looking it up, that doesn’t seem too bad, she eats lots of kiwis, raspberries, oranges etc which all seem to be quite high fibre.

OP posts:
RupertRipperGilesForever · 06/06/2026 10:54

arethereanyleftatall · 06/06/2026 10:36

Thank you @Frillysweetpea, calcium will be my next drip.

I had been focussing on fibre to now, but actually on looking it up, that doesn’t seem too bad, she eats lots of kiwis, raspberries, oranges etc which all seem to be quite high fibre.

Honestly they’re not that high. There were a couple of threads on here a while ago about fibre and to get the recommended amount is really tough
it’s like all bran with flaxseed and raspberries for breakfast, pulses for lunch and tea and whole grain everything. I can find the thread if it helps

arethereanyleftatall · 06/06/2026 11:06

Regarding whether dd is obsessive or boring about it - she doesn’t talk about it at all, she doesn’t want the judging. So it’s the opposite and like another poster nailed - she hides it. Which in a way must be a sign to herself that it’s not ok.
and regarding her body and looks - I genuinely believe this is not about looks. Dd has a beautiful very healthy looking figure, but hides it all under big baggy jumpers. She hates men ogling her so it is defo not to seek attention through her figure.

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 06/06/2026 11:08

RupertRipperGilesForever · 06/06/2026 10:54

Honestly they’re not that high. There were a couple of threads on here a while ago about fibre and to get the recommended amount is really tough
it’s like all bran with flaxseed and raspberries for breakfast, pulses for lunch and tea and whole grain everything. I can find the thread if it helps

Yes please x

OP posts:
OnlyHasEyesForLoki · 06/06/2026 12:03

I think her diet sounds great! Lots of protein, veg and fruit, and if she’ll eat chips out she’s eating carbs at home too I imagine? Her improvements in health and mood speak for themselves!

StuntNun · 06/06/2026 12:11

Well done for starting the conversation with your DD, OP, it sounds like she was receptive. The 80:20 rule referenced a couple of times upthread is a really good one for getting her to eat outside her normal diet. I would love it if my older children would eat more healthily than they do but I also wouldn’t want them to think they couldn’t have a takeaway pizza once in a while. I’m not sure fibre is as important as people on the thread are making it out to be. In the context of a carnivore or ketovore diet, fibre requirements aren’t as high so the fruit and vegetable she’s eating are probably providing enough fibre. It can be difficult to get calcium without dairy so that’s definitely something she should look at. You could always ask the GP for blood tests to see where her iron, vitamin D, calcium etc. levels are. It’s much better to get these things from food rather than supplements if possible. It could also be helpful to get a lipid profile done if you’re worried about a meat-heavy diet raising her cholesterol levels. At the very least, it would give you a baseline to compare against in the future.. If you’re interested about finding more about her diet then Dr Ken Berry on YouTube is a good place to start.

Frickles · 06/06/2026 12:12

Hiding your body under baggy clothes can also be a big red flag for ED as it’s a great way of hiding the changes from others. Again - not always, and I know a lot of teenagers do dress in huge hoodies Ted anyway but taken in context of everything else it’s something to consider.

TheWineoftheChicken · 06/06/2026 12:26

OnlyHasEyesForLoki · 06/06/2026 12:03

I think her diet sounds great! Lots of protein, veg and fruit, and if she’ll eat chips out she’s eating carbs at home too I imagine? Her improvements in health and mood speak for themselves!

She won’t eat chips out. The OP said she’d eat them for her if she was out with her daughter, otherwise she’d leave them on her plate.

MummyWillow1 · 06/06/2026 12:50

If she is healthy and thriving why interfere? It is only a problem if they are doing harm. Everyone needs to eat, she has chosen to eat healthy food - messing with that would likely do more harm than good.

Hellometime · 06/06/2026 13:21

I’d see not being able to eat lunch with friends at sixth form as a big red flag. School is social and academic. It’s pretty miserable eating alone hidden in a study room every day.
Also agree baggy clothes is classic ED territory.
Little fibre and calcium is potentially setting her up for longer term health issues.
I’d just keep speaking to her. I think the 3 weeks with bf will be a big challenge. Have you broached how she’s planning on coping?

OhThePotential · 06/06/2026 13:44

To paraphrase - “Just’ takes steak and eats it cold in a small room by herself instead of partaking of lunch and snacks with her friends”

This is not fine.

You’re minimising and normalising a lot of this because at least she’s eating, you think the food itself is ‘healthy’ food and you’re relieved that you can afford it.

I can completely understand this but I think you have to start questioning this more. Is she seeing this food on social media?, the oysters, blueberries, tallow etc seem like something maybe being pushed on tiktok or instagram?

It doesn’t matter whether you call it ‘clean eating’ (there’s no one definition of that), single ingredient eating, Paleo or whatever, any set of diet rules can turn into a disorder.

As others have said, at this point it’s not the food itself is not a problem its how the rules and restrictions will likely change going forward.

I’ve read the full thread - whatever is going on here there’s a very short book called ‘Orthorexia : When Healthy Eating Goes Bad’ by Renee McGregor and Bee Wilson that I found to just be a useful introduction to the current thinking on what it is.

Holidayz · 06/06/2026 13:47

arethereanyleftatall · 06/06/2026 11:06

Regarding whether dd is obsessive or boring about it - she doesn’t talk about it at all, she doesn’t want the judging. So it’s the opposite and like another poster nailed - she hides it. Which in a way must be a sign to herself that it’s not ok.
and regarding her body and looks - I genuinely believe this is not about looks. Dd has a beautiful very healthy looking figure, but hides it all under big baggy jumpers. She hates men ogling her so it is defo not to seek attention through her figure.

Your last paragraph has sent bells ringing for me. My daughter was on the brink of an eating disorder. She was heavily restrictive in her foods, counted calories (even chewing gum!) and started restricting calories to under 1000 a day.

She was never diagnosed as having an ED but she definitely had disordered eating. She lost weight but never dipped into the unhealthy range - mainly because we discovered her disordered eating and took steps. We went to GP who did a full work up, referred her and while we were waiting had regular appointments to check on her. In the end the ED team didn't deem her to have an ED as her weight was still in the healthy zone. They did however offer her talking therapy.

She had a nice figure, pretty standard at a size 10-12. She got thinner, went as low as a size 6 but draped herself in oversized clothes. She used it as a coping mechanism as she disliked how her body looked and thought she was fat so by covering up she didn't have to put her body out to the world for judgment, even though the only judge was herself.

We noticed that her body dysmorphia was more noticeable during the summer months as she had to wear clothes that she couldn't hide in when it was hot. These are the times she would struggle the most. It took talking therapy, honest conversations at home and strict monitoring for her to find a happy balance between the disordered eating she had been doing and something more normal. She turned vegetarian too and I was told this is also something to be wary of as it's another way to control what she put in her body. It's used as an acceptable excuse to decide what foods she can/can't eat.

I did watch carefully about this new development and raised my concerns about it being another way to control/restrict to her but with support she continued her veggie diet. She's still veggie now but who knows if we were right or wrong about that. I think possibly to begin with it was a control thing as it gave her an excuse to pick options that were lower in calories due to the nature of the choices on offer, but as time has gone on that's not relevant now.

I still worry 4 years on. She's at uni now and lost a big chunk of weight when she started and obviously my mind went back to that time and had she started restricting again but I think it was just a combination of walking absolutely everywhere and student living.

She still hides in baggy hoodies but hasn't so far had a meltdown this summer about wearing summer clothes. I don't think she'll ever view her body as others see her, but she has gained a more balanced mindset regarding food.

Deadleaves77 · 06/06/2026 15:23

FurierTransform · 05/06/2026 18:03

This is excellent. Eating clean is probably an idealised diet. And she's a teenager doing it herself.....
Dream scenario. Some ppl say this is part of some alt right pipeline or to be concerned about. It's all total bs, ignore it.

Your dream scenario is your teenage daughter eating only steak and eggs for a month?

arethereanyleftatall · 06/06/2026 15:25

@OhThePotentialthank you, I like the sound of that book. Because it’s title is exactly what’s happened.

@Holidayzthank you for sharing. As a result of this thread, I am glad I have opened the conversation doors with her. She is a clever girl and will hopefully go off and do some of her own research now. I’m not sure how I would get her to a doctors atm as she is adamant there is no disorder, but at least I have opened up the possibility.

the 3 weeks holiday without me might actually be a good thing. It will force her be more flexible.

I have spoken to her about hiding it at school, and she has informed me she does eat in front of others. Whether that’s true or not, I can’t know, but again, she can ponder on it.

OP posts:
potplant · 06/06/2026 16:11

MummyWillow1 · 06/06/2026 12:50

If she is healthy and thriving why interfere? It is only a problem if they are doing harm. Everyone needs to eat, she has chosen to eat healthy food - messing with that would likely do more harm than good.

Because it’s potentially the start of something a lot more serious. Many of us have shared experiences of loved ones who have EDs, which started exactly like this.

It is very sensible to be careful around young, impressionable teenage girls and food, especially with all the constant bullshit wellness advice all over social media.

OhThePotential · 06/06/2026 17:35

potplant · 06/06/2026 16:11

Because it’s potentially the start of something a lot more serious. Many of us have shared experiences of loved ones who have EDs, which started exactly like this.

It is very sensible to be careful around young, impressionable teenage girls and food, especially with all the constant bullshit wellness advice all over social media.

Exactly, Its so easy for very young women such as OP’s DD to get sucked into these extreme wellness diets when they feel so out of control of so many things and are under so much pressure academically, socially, romantically. Influencers make such a lot of money from social media pushing this stuff.

Without wishing to scare OP ‘Clean Eating’ is, in my opinion, the most insidiously dangerous of these wellness plans as it sounds so incredibly reasonable to begin with but its a rabbit hole that once started down can frighten young people into high anxiety, extreme food choices and severe restriction so, so quickly, while those around them either don’t notice what’s happening or facilitate it as they are reassured that their loved one is ‘just trying to be super healthy’.

On a slight side note, I’m sorry I have to ask, but why oysters? Is there an influencer somewhere that is touting this? I’ve heard of steak and salmon and blueberries as a diet but not oysters.

arethereanyleftatall · 06/06/2026 17:48

OhThePotential · 06/06/2026 17:35

Exactly, Its so easy for very young women such as OP’s DD to get sucked into these extreme wellness diets when they feel so out of control of so many things and are under so much pressure academically, socially, romantically. Influencers make such a lot of money from social media pushing this stuff.

Without wishing to scare OP ‘Clean Eating’ is, in my opinion, the most insidiously dangerous of these wellness plans as it sounds so incredibly reasonable to begin with but its a rabbit hole that once started down can frighten young people into high anxiety, extreme food choices and severe restriction so, so quickly, while those around them either don’t notice what’s happening or facilitate it as they are reassured that their loved one is ‘just trying to be super healthy’.

On a slight side note, I’m sorry I have to ask, but why oysters? Is there an influencer somewhere that is touting this? I’ve heard of steak and salmon and blueberries as a diet but not oysters.

Edited

This thread has opened my eyes to the possibility, so I’m glad I started it. The people who know best will be the people who’ve experienced it, and none of my real life friends have. I have just ordered that book you recommended, came with great reviews, so thank you.

ref oysters, she will eat any (organic) meat, fish, or fruit she likes. She likes oysters. Steak, salmon and blueberries are just some of her favourites and hence I detailed them as an example in the op. Oysters tend to be her go to when eating out as a starter, I guess cos they’re not messed with at all.

OP posts:
MummyWillow1 · 06/06/2026 18:18

potplant · 06/06/2026 16:11

Because it’s potentially the start of something a lot more serious. Many of us have shared experiences of loved ones who have EDs, which started exactly like this.

It is very sensible to be careful around young, impressionable teenage girls and food, especially with all the constant bullshit wellness advice all over social media.

It also might not be. I became vegetarian around her age. Still here. No ED.

Interfering in this now may well lead to an ED though.

If my parents had told me it was meat or nothing I would have chosen nothing. They didn’t do that though.