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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Aibu to think that clean eating isn’t that bad?

196 replies

arethereanyleftatall · Today 09:36

DD, 17, only eats ‘clean’. She eats like this because she says she feels much better on it, and for her that’s a priority above all else. And, to be fair to her, she’s thriving. Doing well at alevels, volunteering, working, and generally a wonderfully bright and joyous person to be around. This is in stark contrast to the gcse years with school refusal, period pains, excessive sleeping, no homework completed ever.
if it’s relevant, and so as not to drip feed, she ticks every adhd box at the top, but not diagnosed although we’re 4 years in now on the nhs list, and she’s got through the first few stages, and probably autism, but is able to mask so much, that that isn’t noticeable to the outside world.
daily menu for her would be steak, eggs, salmon, about 4 different fruits/veg, honey, all organic, and meat/fish/eggs only cooked in a special non Teflon pan with tallow. Drinks are filtered water only, and a hot drink with ginger, lemon.
I didn’t think this was too bad, expensive yes but I can afford it, but many of her peers are eating junk on the daily, and drinking alcohol, so compared to that, I feel like she’s ok. Yes, I know there’s lots in between that and balance would be key but I can’t force any near adult to eat, and certainly not DD for whom telling her what to do has the exact opposite effect.
anyway. On here last night, i discovered there’s a diagnosis for this - orthorexia, and it scared me. Oh, one last thing, it doesn’t stop her eating out socially, she’ll order steak and chips and I’ll eat her chips.

OP posts:
Lastqueenofscotland2 · Today 10:30

Not eating for a day because your preferred diet isn’t available is a massive red flag for an eating disorder I’m afraid OP, and eating lots the day before or after doesn’t change that. It screams of having “safe foods”

arethereanyleftatall · Today 10:31

Thank you @Bjorkdidit, I will keep pointing out the importance of balance.

she is actually ‘better’ now than she was 5 months ago, in winter we had about a month of only meat and eggs as the fruit wasn’t in season, and she also wouldn’t touch stuff if plastic had touched it, but she’s better now, so I’m hoping we’re on the way back up. Maybe that’s naive.

OP posts:
changenameagain555 · Today 10:31

In your OP you state that if it is relevant she likely has ADHD and autism. I think this is probably relevant as 1) people with ASD often have a restricted diet and 2) around 35% of adults with anorexia meet the diagnostic criteria for ASD. So I would be concerned that there is a strong chance that this could spiral into an eating disorder. It is probably worth investigating some therapy before that happens.

MayaLui · Today 10:32

It's okay in the sense that of course she could live a long life on that diet as it is now. The problem is this type of attitude to food is very predictive of future eating disorders. It sounds like she's doing well in general at the moment but life inevitably has its tough times and it is when a bump in the road comes along that it could tip into anorexia. There are lots of red flags - autism itself is associated with eating disorders, and the extreme rigidity is a concern too. It's usually linked to wanting to feel in control and when things go wrong and she starts to feel out of control is when you might see an escalation (fewer foods tolerated, upping the exercise and so on).

There probably isn't much you can do at the moment as services usually only get involved once things are worse, but keep a close eye on her and maybe speak to Beat.

arethereanyleftatall · Today 10:32

I’m hoping that’s spot on @Goodmorningeveryone26, thank you for that perspective

OP posts:
JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff · Today 10:33

Hi OP, I also eat "clean" and my mum does too.

Here are some things which may help, and which you could given her age, explore WITH her rather than manage FOR her:

If she is genuinely dedicated to health, then her approach should be evidence-based not emotional. Does she agree?

If yes, how is she keeping up with the evidence? Science changes. For example, is she listening to credible scientifically informed podcasts like Tim Spector's?

It is important to get variety in diet as part of microbiome health. Particularly, eating different plants (including nuts, herbs). If you get into a rut of only eating certain "safe" foods, this is in fact sub optimal for gut health. Does she recognise this is a risk? How can she mitigate against it?

Is she willing to explore different foods? Useful tools might include cookbooks and I would recommend Rupy Aujla's The Doctor's Kitchen Cookbook and Hugh Fearnley Whittingstall's How To Eat 30 Plants A Week.

It is also highly detrimental to health to skip nutrients or starve yourself beyond planned time-limited fasting. She will find herself in situations where there is no food available except UPFs. For example, my mum was admitted to hospital 2y ago after she was knocked over and hurt her knee, not something she could plan for. The only food they had was a cheap white bread cheese sandwich. How would she cope in this scenario?

Behaviours around food can hurt people, and people matter. I usually bring my own food to work events, but you can't always take this approach. What would she do if invited to attend a job interview that included a buffet lunch with non-acceptable foods? What if she were invited to a family wedding or celebration such as a 90th birthday party? Would she refuse to eat even a token amount of cake and does she understand the social effects of this behaviour?

ConstanzeMozart · Today 10:33

For starters, I think the phrase clean eating is problematic. Certain kinds of food aren't dirty.

Eggs, salmon, fruit/veg and honey, filtered water and ginger and lemon drinks are all good as far as they go. Red meat, well, there's more and more evidence for it being carcinogenic, and bad for you in other ways too. Plus the environmental inefficiency and cost, of course.

She could eat more variety of fruit and/or veg.

The lack of carbs is a problem. The brain needs carbs. They're still considered a major and vital food group.

I'd be worried about fibre intake too.

There is a happy medium between this and eating junk food all day.

BillieWiper · Today 10:33

I'd not be happy having to buy endless quantities of expensive meat and tallow(?).

I hope she pays for at least some of her own fancy food?

Idk if it's orthorexia. I mean loads of people only eat a few really plain unhealthy things but I guess that's more arfid. As long as she's not desperately skinny or unwell I'm sure it's fine. But it might be annoying if she goes places and refuses to eat anything.

arethereanyleftatall · Today 10:34

Thank you @Getmeacoffeenow, your post is really comforting to me.

it’s so difficult- my dilemma is is this the start of a slippery slope or a normal teenage thing they grow out of.

OP posts:
Bjorkdidit · Today 10:36

BillieWiper · Today 10:33

I'd not be happy having to buy endless quantities of expensive meat and tallow(?).

I hope she pays for at least some of her own fancy food?

Idk if it's orthorexia. I mean loads of people only eat a few really plain unhealthy things but I guess that's more arfid. As long as she's not desperately skinny or unwell I'm sure it's fine. But it might be annoying if she goes places and refuses to eat anything.

Tallow is the social media generation rebranding of beef dripping or perhaps suet.

You know, like 'bone broth' aka stock?

Next they'll be acting like they're the first people to ever eat cottage cheese. Oh, wait......

Easttoday · Today 10:37

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MajorSamanthaCarter · Today 10:37

An excess of red meat cooked in animal fat doesn't sound very clean or healthy to me!

JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff · Today 10:38

Also agree with @changenameagain555 and speaking from experience, transition to university is a big risk factor as she would have to manage on her own and on a budget, likely
If she is bright is university in her future? Will she live at home? Will she manage with housemates who don't follow her rules or contaminate her pan or nick her safe foods?

Ethelspagetti · Today 10:39

It sounds good and healthy but my friend’s daughter went through the same phase too. My friend couldn’t afford the salmon and steak so she was eating eggs and salad. After 2 years of restrictive eating and refusing to eat dinner that wasn’t clean, they realised it was an eating disorder. If they were staying with family or travelling, she would just starve. They sent her to America to a special program. She’s now eating anything without issues. My friend is pleased now. This restrictive diet would only be okay if she would occasionally eat anything e.g birthday/travelling/staying with family etc. The fact that she won’t eat is very telling.

Easttoday · Today 10:39

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Ethelspagetti · Today 10:40

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Agreed.

narcASD · Today 10:41

Firstly thanks for sharing as my daughter who's 13 is going through the same as your daughter did regarding school etc so I'm glad there's light at the end of the tunnel.

my daughter is vegetarian (ASD) also, I'd be very happy if my daughter ate like yours, it sounds very healthy and balanced. I think the key is to stay off google and not try and diagnose an eating problem unless your daughter is becoming unwell or underweight. Her diet sounds like it is helping with her moods and she's getting protein vitamins etc so I'd not be worried at all.

The fact she'll eat out and enjoy her food is even more reassuring that she's in control.

csg376 · Today 10:43

I’d be concerned I’m afraid. I had an eating disorder as a teenager and this rings alarm bells. All the rules and refusing to deviate.

Keroppi · Today 10:44

Wow worry hut that's eating disorder territory. No one with a normal approach to food would rather starve than eat some chips or airplane snacks.

Autism has huge comorbidities with EDs
I would really suggest therapy. And making her realise her rigidity is a problem and stemming from presumably control
It's total black and white thinking 🤔
She should be able to be flexible. No-one is saying eat UPFs or she'll be shot but she's being too rigid.

Avoiding plastics and upfs and using a cast iron, fine. Not eating whole food groups or worrying about a miniscule chance of plastic packaging not fine. It's the heating of plastic containers leeching into food or beverages that's the worst anyway.

arethereanyleftatall · Today 10:44

Thank you so much everyone for your input, there’s a huge mixture of responses and I’m flipping between panicking and then the next post thinking it’s ok again. I’m nlt sure I can respond individually any more as working, but thank you all, it’s so appreciated x

OP posts:
SwatTheTwit · Today 10:45

I would only be concerned if this becomes obsessive, but the menu you’ve described seems pretty normal?

arethereanyleftatall · Today 10:46

Do people think I should introduce to her that it might be a disorder/show her this thread, or not but keep talking about balance?

OP posts:
Bjorkdidit · Today 10:48

arethereanyleftatall · Today 10:44

Thank you so much everyone for your input, there’s a huge mixture of responses and I’m flipping between panicking and then the next post thinking it’s ok again. I’m nlt sure I can respond individually any more as working, but thank you all, it’s so appreciated x

Be mindful there's a lot of orthorexia on here too.

People can talk about perfectly normal balanced healthy meals and someone will chip in about protein deficiencies and certain vegetables being 'too carby'.

Squirrelchops1 · Today 10:49

Clean eating is fine, basically a diet without UPF but it appears she's very restricted within this.
Would she expand protein sources, more fruit and veg, nuts, pulses etc?