Sisters 21st or partners 40th?

[EzWin2]

so my sister and DP have birthdays two days apart and both their 21st and 40th birthdays fall on the same weekend. I have been with DP for 11 years and we have children together. He made it clear he doesn’t want a party so I have decided to take him away to Italy just the two of us.
My sister is 21 on the same weekend and has arranged a party. She’s now really upset that I won’t be there and is not talking to me. I understand she’s upset but I have always made an effort to celebrate her past birthdays and took her to London for her 18th and spoiled her. She’s making me feel guilty and now I don’t know if I should re arrange the trip to Italy for the week after (DP won’t mind) or just stick to my original plans and hope she comes round eventually? I can then arrange something separate for just me and my sister to celebrate but right now she’s not talking to me.

I think I would try and do both so your sisters 21st party and take your DP out on the other day of the weekend then do Italy on a different weekend. Only if your DP doesn’t mind though and if you are ok with your sisters somewhat brattish behaviour in not talking to you. I would prioritise your DP if you can only celebrate one of their birthdays.

Why on earth would she need to check that her own sister had remembered her 21st birthday??

I wouldn't book something on a family member's birthday at all, let alone over a milestone birthday. If anyone should have checked anything it should have been OP.

I would be so hurt if my sibling staffed to go away over my special birthday (and yes 21 has always been a big thing, for generations).

Have you missed that it’s also a big birthday for OP’s partner? 40 is just as much of a milestone as 21.

Her partner is closer family than her sibling.

The birthday trip for her partner's 40th was booked months ago.

The sister is trying to get OP to put her over her partner and using manipulation to get her way. Why should she be rewarded for that by OP giving up her partner's trip for her sister, who's trying to send her on a very nasty guilt trip of her own?

Time for sister to find out she can't always get her way, especially when she resorts to an abuse tactic like the silent treatment.

Sister is being a brat. 21 isn’t that big a deal. 18 and 40 are.

@AlcoholicAntibioticBut they didn’t have to go away! The birthdays are on different dates! The op could have accommodated both. 40 is the older adult here! Maybe the oP is a bit too
old for parties? 18 is also celebrated but more in a club.

The sister didn’t have to have a party either! Or could have her party another weekend as that was arranged after OP’s planned trip.

Either way, it’s completely immature behaviour for an adult woman to be giving her sister the silent treatment because she can’t attend a party.

I really don’t think that’s right. Traditionally it was the 21st in the UK because that used to be age of majority. If anything it’s old fashioned to make it the 21st a bigger deal.

Nothing to do with Americans.

Anyway, the OP is not being unreasonable.

Partner (esp with kids together) trumps sister.

I would have been happy to move the trip as you can and because partner doesn’t mind, if she’d asked in a normal way. Giving the silent treatment would put me off.

21yos are still pretty immature, I’m not surprised she’s pissed off at you. 21st are massive milestone birthday and it is widely accepted that the whole family and friends all celebrate together. (at least where I live anyway)
you’ve known what date her birthday was her whole life, you were a bit silly to book a weekend away on her 21st weekend. Change the trip.

No I didn't miss that, nor did I miss that her husband isn't bothered when he celebrates. I also think she should have checked in with her sister before booking to go away over her important birthday.

It’s beyond complicated. Plus the family lunch was a surprise so he didn’t know. So I was left to tell him and that I hadn’t been invited. I no longer speak to any of his family.

It was a bit silly of you to book the trip if you're the type of person who going to feel really guilty over it. Personally I don’t think it’s a big deal, nor do I think you should cancel or try to reschedule. It will cost a fortune. Your sisters acting like a toddler but you should just own your decision too.

21 was historically the coming of age in UK!

As it is booked, I wouldn’t change it. I’d have checked with her before booking and made sure events didn’t clash but it’s done now. 21st birthdays were traditionally a huge celebration in the UK. I’m late 40’s and most of my friends had big parties for their 21st, as did I.

This

So your sister either doesn't take enough interest in you/your partner to realise they also had a big birthday around the same time, or she knows and just assumes she's more important.
If it was so important you were there she could have checked first, or let you know more in advance.
She sounds like an entitled child, go on holiday and don't buy her a gift.

Why didn't you send a quick message first OP to see what she was doing on her 21st birthday? I think 99% of people that had any sort of relationship with their sister would do this. The fact you didn't, and then booked your trip on that very day, makes me think you did it on purpose as some sort of big fuck you to your sister, or maybe you just like causing drama. All of this could have been so easily avoided.