Are parents too involved in teenagers' A levels and independence compared to how they used to be?

[Theboredpanda]

…and is this helpful or detrimental to young people? I just saw a thread on here about parents talking about how “they’re” getting through A Levels at the moment. The “they’re” meaning them and their kids. I’d say I had good, supportive parents, but by A Levels and college they had no idea what I was doing day-to-day. They couldn’t tell you what exams I was sitting on what days unless I told them. Although I was still living at home, I was expected to be independent by that age and be doing my own thing with minimal support from my parents. This was in the early 2000s, was this other people’s experience of back then and do you think parents are too involved in their teenagers lives these days and is this stopping them from becoming independent?

You do sound quite angry. Of course your point of view is valid, and other people are allowed to share other views.

Sure not all parents drive though. Especially in cities

My stepdaughter's now 30, but she was nearly 12 when I came into her mum's and her life. She was in danger of sliding into this socially isolated and inept lifestyle, but I like to think we guided her properly. She was going into Glasgow city centre at 13 with her pals on a Saturday, and doing loads of activities at night and weekends.

Edited for punctuation.

I ask how they're getting on, buy any resources they ask for to help and found a tutor when they asked for one, all led by them.

I've not forced uni or completing a UCAS form and left them to hunt for an apprebtiship on the basis they wanted to be treated like an adult. I do wonder of that was a mistake as they have nothing sorted now A Levels are finished, but I'm trying to be supportive rather than pushy which I find a difficult balance tbh.

I grew up with a single parent with mental health issues and she knew when my A Levels were and that I had applied to Uni and that was it!

Both DH and I have STEM and science degrees by training. We've been teaching them and helping them with maths since primary. My DS could easily do GCSE level maths in primary, I even taught him a few a level concepts which he could do. We could readily help with mathematics education.

@Thechaseison71 It depends where you live? We don’t have a bus within 2 miles and few a day in the nearest village. Cycling down narrow lanes didn’t appeal either as it’s very dangerous around the bends! So yes, we chose to take them to see friends. However my DDs both did a school exchange to South Africa at age 13 for a term and we just took them to Heathrow. They changed planes in Joburg. So not cycling or getting a bus didn’t infantalise them and they could also navigate London safely too despite is being country bumpkins.

Not much choice for many - my children went to a 6th form that was 18min travel by car - but only one council bus at each end of the day (too late for their first lesson and at 4pm in the evening when they didn’t/don’t finish until 5pm)… by train it was 1hr 40mins each way.

So many schools and 6th form colleges have merged into super sites and are not local any more. The public transport offerings are woeful and subject to cancellations/delays. There is no choice but to ferry them around - and I don’t even live anywhere remote as I am in prime commuter belt for London.

I must admit that I get extremely irritated by the "just use a bus/tram/train/get an Uber" posts because they are inevitably posted by people who live where they are plentiful and who can't envisage what it is like to live in rural areas or towns where public transport is not every few minutes.

@RampantIvy I do think people in cities or large towns just don’t get it. There simply aren’t transport links available morning noon and night!

Thank you @MeetMeOnTheCorner
We only have hourly trains and hourly buses, but the buses only go between our village and the towns either side of us and run at the same time as the trains.

Our MP is trying to get the bus company to amend their timetable so that they run halfway between train times so that we can have half hourly public transport out of the village.

Uber have started to venture out our way, but it is hit and miss.

As many have noted, I don't think it's just about A levels or exams in general. Some of it is worry, especially as technology allows you to know more about what your children are doing.

There is a choice about what car you have. Almost no-one needs an SUV that most of those who have one cannot drive adequately.

You can help your children with studies and support them with their education and teach them to deal with things and life independently.

Me helping DC with maths and uni applications and giving life advice doesn't negate them from being independent adults. Support and knowing what your kids are doing isn't all that bad. We helped our children through school and will always support them.

Personally, I acknowledge it's different for rural, village folk. It's teens and 20 somethings who live in towns and cities won't get up off their arses and their parents lift and lay them here, there, and everywhere.

@LlynTegidI will drive what car I want thanks. And who says I cannot drive? Most of us with family cars can drive perfectly well! I’ve loved my 4x4s and they are invaluable in poor weather. No salt spreading here!

I do wonder what people on MN class as the dreaded SUVs, most cars are SUV style these days. Peak MN ranting about teens not being independent, but threads with women not able to manage anything bigger than a Micra.

You are right @Miffyontour
Estate cars are as rare as hen's teeth these days and a lot of the smaller hatchbacks are no longer made.

My car is classed as a small SUV. I parked next to a Range Rover the other day and it completely dwarfed my car

No idea whatsoever what the type of car I have has to do with this thread or the point that many parents have no choice but to be involved in ferrying their children to school/6th form?

Indeed - and one of our SUVs is electric anyway, so surely that is acceptable? Also, my DS is 6ft 4. Anything smaller than the medium sized SUV doesn’t have enough space for him. Nor the dogs we also need to carry.

We have 2 estates, but you are right, estates are becoming a rarity. It's a shame Volvo decided to ditch their loyal customer base.

And what happens if the parents don't have cars?

If you don't drive or don't have a car, most people would live somewhere that accommodates that. During our brief spell in London, neither of us had a car. Or you would choose your sixth form accordingly, that's just life surely.8

In my area? No idea. The kids arrive late, leave early, if using the LA bus, get marked absent and get warnings from admin I guess… or they do the 1hr 40 min public transport/train route leaving at 7am and getting home at 7pm. Many where I live have no choice. Obviously not every child attending the same college comes from our area, so others are on better [and worse] bus routes. The LA/Stagecoach have done nothing to address it, despite contact from our local MP.

ETA - obviously this means some children are actively disadvantaged as a result and, I assume, will have exam results that are negatively impacted as a result.

But even the teens that do live in places with transport seem to be carted around lots by parents. I live near a secondary school and the school buses bring kids in from surrounding villages. Many of the kids driven there live in the town within half hours walk

Even if there is a car aren't the parents using them for work though?