I broke DS tablet wwyd?

[Thenonstopcleaner]

Long story short DS got a tablet for Christmas. His behaviour changed over night he became nasty smashing things lashing out. Completely different child! Half term last week he covered the garden in fence paint and the kitchen and also himself whilst I went to the toilet. When I came back and seen what he had done I lost it with him I threw his tablet and it smashed. Since then it’s been peaceful and his behaviour is getting much better.

The only issue is DH parents got him the tablet for Christmas and DS went and told them. They said to ds I need to apologise and replace it but we won’t be doing that. Should I just give them the money? DH also thinks it’s disrespectful but also agrees we’re not replacing it.

wwyd?

Most humans are also kind and understanding to those who are having a tough time, which causes them to act out of character.

What's his age?

Multi-truths here: you were wrong to smash it and you do owe him an apology, but if the dopamine rushes have been changing his behaviour then there's a good case for not replacing it.

Perhaps a compromise is you forking out the equivalent money for another activity he enjoys that won't change his behaviour. You should also explain to him why you aren't replacing it, which will help him to understand why these choices are being made.

Give them the money if they have an issue but no way would I be replacing it

If it was out of character... which personally I don't believe it was. The child is only 4 and hasn't been parented around tablet use, apparently has had lots of outbursts recently (which are often linked to what kids see or feel in their homelife, as well as overuse of screens, the very young child was left unattended long enough to mess with paint outside and the only reason the OP is asking this question online is because the grandparents are involved. It begs the question what goes on behind closed doors.

So i would have removed the tablet for bad behaviour

BUT I think throwing and smashing it is completely unreasonable. You shouldnt be behaving like that, your kids shouldnt see that kinda aggression

So I wouldnt necessarily replace it but I do think DS deserves an apology

I can't understand way a anyone would buy someone else's 4 year old a mobile device without asking their parents.
If you can afford to yes offer them what it costs and put an end to it. I'd also make it clear they're not to buy him another one.

Good on you and your DH for realising it wasn't doing your DC any favours and not wanting it replaced.

Why should she give the grandparents the money for the tablet? It belonged to @Thenonstopcleaner‘s DS, I would offer him a replacement present (not a device), maybe let him pick something out at the toy shop. You’re right, 4 does feel too young for a tablet, maybe explain that it caused a deterioration in behaviour and you’d like to wait until he’s older for him to have one and make it clear you will decide when that’ll be.

It’s not difficult to see where your son is learning his behaviour from.
You’ve behaved dreadfully. Instead of dealing with your son’s behaviour in a calm, logical and parenting manner, you lost your temper and smashed up an item that belonged to him to punish him.
You need to apologise to him and replace it whilst addressing his behaviour.

Don't let him watch shit on YouTube, he's obviously watching pranks or similar slop and acting it out
Tv only
Laptop for bbc bitesize games, he's a good age for them

Certainly wouldn't give them the money. Just say it broke and you're glad as it was affecting his behaviour but thank them for the present anyway

Don't replace it and don't give them the money.
If the tablet was lost or accidentally damaged you wouldn't give them the money back so why would you now.

No four year old should have a tablet. The grandparents are at fault for buying it. OP shouldn't have smashed it but she's totally right for no longer giving her small child an addictive device.

So his behaviour changed overnight when he got the tablet and once you had broken it there was a similar dramatic reversion to good behaviour and now when he uses your laptop to watch videos he is able to accept time limitations with no issues?

You should ignore the posts calling you a poor parent. Rubbish! A poor parent would not be reflecting on the situation or worried about the effect of tech on their kid. Or posting on here worried about it.
Sounds like he pushed way further than anyone could stand if he bedaubed your home with paint. If it comes down to damage that's going to be more costly to rectify than an ipad.
You smashed it because you needed it out of your life and his. You'd give him ample advice and requests to limit using it. And the anger from him when removing it was a clear message something was going badly wrong. You just wanted it to stop.
The bigger long term solution of not letting him have one is fine for his age. It would clearly help all of you!
It'll be harder when he's older though.

Why don't you pay fir a new ipad and say its to be kept at grandparents' house for w hen he visits. They'll feel special for being able to spoil him with it, but even better they might get a glimpse of the struggles you've had trying to tell him eg stop now for dinner. Let them work it out for themselves.
You broke his, but so what. You are reflective of why, it is replaceable, it's just stuff that can be bought. More damaging would be to let him continue using it as described.

How you make good his painting incident is another story... 🤔

Call me old fashioned but no 4 year old needs a tablet

that level of extreme behaviour from a 4 year old isn't typical op, especially as it came on so quickly and stopped so quickly. I'd be worried what he was accessing and speaking to school about how he manages screen time there

You are modelling the behaviour of lashing out and damaging things when you are angry.........
Your son lashed out damaging things when angry and you did the same.
Apologise to your son and tell him what you did was wrong and unacceptable .
My guess that will do more to help him understand his behaviour was wrong and unacceptable.
You could have told your son his behaviour was wrong and that there would be consequences (eg: confiscating the tablet for a period of time) Then returning it with a request he behaves well (specifics of whats acceptable behaviour would help here.
No the tablet has been damaged by you, i would apologise to your son for your behaviour.
If you dont want your son to have a tablet i would not replace it but put the cost towards something else rather than the tablet.
Bottom line is you are the parent and you decide what happens now.

You need to apologise , kids can see us lose it within reason but they have to see us make amends too.
in this situation you need to pay someone back, either him or the people who paid for it

You've answered your own question! Don't let him have it back. If feel really bad, buy a different toy?

Yeesh, I thought he was going to be older!

At 4 I wouldn't be letting anyone buy him a tablet anyway, it is 100% up to the parents if they allow that sort of thing or not (we don't and any suggestion by family has been swiftly shut down). Give them the money back for it.

I something let my 5 year old watch videos on my phone and she started turning into a demon when trying to end a 'session', like a complete change of character.. I don't let her anymore, she doesn't seem to have missed it in any way.

You sound unhinged.

Throwing and smashing your son’s tablet is abusive, no matter how naughty he was. You should be fucking ashamed of yourself.

I would replace it when something else

of a similar value or a similar value to him at least

This.

Some of the posts on here point toward why some children are loosing it these days.

Why was a 4 yr old left along in a garden to spread paint around?

I strongly suspect he's not closely enough supervised and wants your attention hence the behavior. Imagine breaking a 4 yr olds belongings and losing your mind at them because you didn't supervise them around paint.

Exactly., if a 4 year old can behave perfectly watching videos on a laptop then with proper supervision he should be able to on a tablet. I wouldn't necessarily buy one, they don't need one at that age but I suspect there is far more going on than just straightforward to much tablet screen time.
A 4 year old should most definitely not be left long enough around paint to cover the garden, the kitchen and himself, but most PP seem to have glossed over that ( pun not intended)