I broke DS tablet wwyd?

[Thenonstopcleaner]

Long story short DS got a tablet for Christmas. His behaviour changed over night he became nasty smashing things lashing out. Completely different child! Half term last week he covered the garden in fence paint and the kitchen and also himself whilst I went to the toilet. When I came back and seen what he had done I lost it with him I threw his tablet and it smashed. Since then it’s been peaceful and his behaviour is getting much better.

The only issue is DH parents got him the tablet for Christmas and DS went and told them. They said to ds I need to apologise and replace it but we won’t be doing that. Should I just give them the money? DH also thinks it’s disrespectful but also agrees we’re not replacing it.

wwyd?

@Thenonstopcleaner I once threw (and smashed) my OWN phone out of frustration because my young daughter had become obsessed with it - so I understand how you must have been feeling.
Did you tell your son you threw it? Or just that it broke?
My daughter was a thrower and we had several products get broken or damaged.
She never fully understood the consequences until I got so angry and broke my own phone. It was a turning point and we did get some help with behaviour and various other issues.
If you've never had the urge to throw something in this way before and you don't think you will ever again then draw a line under the experience.
But make sure you explain to the grandparents exactly why you don't want a replacement tablet (the
way it made your son behave).
💐

I would explain all of this and suggest either that you put the money into an account for him when he's older or else they can choose another gift.

What age is he OP?
I’d maybe buy him something else from Granny and Grandad as a replacement present?

Nice family 🫢

I can't get past you smashing an expensive tablet and then getting upset that your son is smashing things up.

I also don't believe there's no connection between this modern usage of screens and poor behavior in kids.

And to add my dad used to smash things sometimes. Including the tv in my brothers room when he also became too obsessed with that.

None of us grew up to be serial killers. Your son will be fine

Tell him it was the Grinch disguised as you.

If you didn’t smash it in front of him then you deliberately planned to do it. Thats worrying.

You could have sold it and put the money towards another present they'd like or in their savings. Nasty ungrateful behavior on display imo.

OP seems coy about giving her kids age. I guess he's young but what's with the paint being over the fence, garden and himself? What the heck was he watching on his tablet to get addicted and make him kick off when the tablet was removed?

Just tell them what happened. That his behaviour isn’t acceptable when he has the tablet.

Hang on. You recognise that screen time is clearly bad for (unknown age) child, you're not replacing the tablet, but you're letting watch things on your laptop?

Is this some new fangled laptop without a screen???

He’s 4 year old. This whole thread is turning toxic so I won’t respond again for the sake of my own mental health. But thanks to the people who gave good advice. I’m going to offer them the money back but I can’t imagine they will want it.

The thread is toxic? Says the person smashing a 4 year olds belongings... OK

How did he get unsupervised access to paint, for long enough that he was able to paint a fence without being seen?

It sounds like supervision is the key here.

YABVU for having smashed the iPad; if you really hated it, you had options. 1) handing back to the grandparents, 2) selling it on for cash to put towards a new toy, or 3) donating to a charity. Rather than wantonly destroying an expensive item like that.

I think lots of posters are being too hard on you, OP. Yes, smashing the tablet wasn't great, but you're human. You'd been getting increasingly frustrated by your DS's poor behaviour and this incident was just the last straw. I know a man in his 30s who has been known to throw his PlayStation controller when he loses at Call of Duty!

I actually think you've shown a good example to your DS in that you apologised to him when you did something wrong. Can you try to look at that as a positive example to him?

If the tablet was having such a negative effect on him then I don't think it should be replaced, but maybe instead get something of equal value that is more age appropriate.

And give yourself a break. Your son won't be mentally scarred from this, it sounds like it was a complete one off for you. I suspect that if there's been such an improvement in his behaviour, you'll be feeling less stressed.

Yes, smashing up your child's things is pretty outrageous. Even more so when you don't seem to see it as an issue.

@Thenonstopcleaner You don’t need to replace the tablet, but you did need to apologise for how it was broken, which I see you have done.

The bigger issue isn’t the device, it’s the behaviour on both sides. Your son’s extreme reactions and your own loss of control suggest there’s more going on than screen time. You say you are not well and this was unusual for you, maybe part of the issue was your son was feeling that in you?

Removing the tablet is fine, but it’s worth looking at emotional regulation, boundaries, and supervision rather than blaming the object alone. His change in personality seems extreme and you are right to address it and allowing him access to your laptop seems a fair compromise.

The grandparents, well just explain the situation, the change in his interactions and apologise for loosing it. They were young parents once too. Maybe suggest he gets his own laptop when he is a fair bit older and its needed for school.

Yes, smashing the tablet wasn't great, but you're human.
Most humans don't go around smahing things...

You'd been getting increasingly frustrated by your DS's poor behaviour and this incident was just the last straw
His poor behaviour was brought on by a lack of parenting

You were clearly at the end of your tether. It’s over and done with. Don’t replace it and live free of the tablet-related stress.

OP got it wrong but I bet there are plenty on here who have made mistakes with their kids. Maybe not as extreme as smashing an tablet but even so.
Young kids do not need access to phones or tablets.

Do not replace it, I would buy child something else instead non tech or offer a nice day out, no need for kids to have iPads it’s so depressing.
I hope those judging all have perfectly parented at all times.

If you're not going to replace the tablet, put the equivalent money in DS savings account.

Perhaps 4 yo is too young for your DS to have a tablet, you will know better than us OP, but at some point you will need to embrace technology and form ground rules with using it rather than outright banning it.

Risk aware as opposed to risk adverse.

OK 4 is too young. Much too young for unfettered access to a tablet. Agreed.

It's also much too young to leave paint lying around and him unsupervised!

And it's still young enough for good parenting. So get yourself some parenting books, get parenting classes, look at your own childhood, see this as a line in the sand for managing a growing child's behaviour. And your own.

He's four?! I expected you to say he was much older. You need to stop comparing him to your addict brother, for a start. That's utterly unfair to a small child and will affect how you treat him even if you never mention it.

You're right that he shouldn't have unlimited access to a tablet. He also shouldn't have adults leaving him unsupervised around open tins of paint, or demonstrating that smashing other people's belongings is an acceptable thing to do if you're angry.