I broke DS tablet wwyd?

[Thenonstopcleaner]

Long story short DS got a tablet for Christmas. His behaviour changed over night he became nasty smashing things lashing out. Completely different child! Half term last week he covered the garden in fence paint and the kitchen and also himself whilst I went to the toilet. When I came back and seen what he had done I lost it with him I threw his tablet and it smashed. Since then it’s been peaceful and his behaviour is getting much better.

The only issue is DH parents got him the tablet for Christmas and DS went and told them. They said to ds I need to apologise and replace it but we won’t be doing that. Should I just give them the money? DH also thinks it’s disrespectful but also agrees we’re not replacing it.

wwyd?

Give the grandparents money for a new one and say the rules are he can only play with it at their house.

I can really believe that bad behaviour was caused by a tablet. My grandchildren are changed children since their tablets were removed from them.
OP, I think the GPs should have asked of it was OK to buy them tablets before they bought them.

Do nothing. Tablet is gone. GP don’t need an apology for a toy that caused so much trouble. Just keep actively parenting your kid and keep him away from screens as much as possible

I think you should explain the impact of the tablet on your family. Admit that you were wrong to have smashed rather than returning it to them. Make it clear to them that he is not to be given any technology related gifts in the future nor is he to have access to them in their house.

There is a huge line between acting as a parent by responsibly monitoring your son’s use of his iPad -
to smashing it up so that he can’t use it at all.
You might think your son isn’t aware of your family/emotional issues but he will absolutely be aware of your behaviour and perhaps copy what he sees.
You need to reassess your parenting style and stop blaming your poor choices on your son acting out.
Yes it is hard work monitoring iPad time but that’s your job - it’s called parenting.
Kids don’t magically learn how to regulate themselves without guidance.

I think you need to put the money into his account at the very least. Amd you need to get your dh to tell husband parents that electronic devices like that need to be discussed with you both beforehand.

No, don't replace it. I missed how old the child is but he sounds too young and immature for a tablet.
You also need to make it clear to the GP that they cannot ruby him another one and that he will be screen free for the foreseeable future.
You do need to work on your anger management though. Smashing things up is not right and sets him a poor example that this is what we do when we get angry.

ok you should have smashed it, but I understand the frustration they can cause

I would tell your inlaws the issues he has been having using the tablet, it’s now no longer around and won’t be replaced but you will put the cost of it into his bank account

i would also advise them they are not to get another one, or indeed any electronics devices without running it past you first

So why didn't you just tell him that it had been put away?

Pretty poor parenting OP.

👆This
All you have done is shown him you are the households 'smasher in residence'. You need to address this.

Long story short, you didn't parent him effectively and so you're justifying flying off the handle.

You do know that abusive people can always justify it? They were always "pushed to it".

Do not replace it, you have seen with your eyes how much his behaviour deteriorates when he uses the tablet. Let him choose a toy or something for a hobby and pay for it. Explain to him that he is not mature enough to have a tablet. Tell your in laws what the replacement is and make sure they know they have not to buy him any tech without your say so.
Yes you need to apologise for throwing it and you need to explain why your behaviour was wrong. For all those who are outraged by your behaviour, just know if their child had painted himself, the kitchen and the fence they would not be saying "oh dear Johnny, what a silly billy you have been" They would be having a hissy fit too.

So you purposely threw and broke his tablet out of anger...Great parenting there 🤔 you should replace it, if not directly then at least give the value of the tablet in cash to the GPs.
Stop deflecting/blaming others, this is all on you.

You need to be able to control your own anger as your child doesn’t stand a chance. You can’t just throw and smash things.

Did they ask permission before buying it?

Remove the tablet - yes, but to smash it? That’s insane and you need to get a handle on your behaviour because when he is a teen, you’re going to have some bad moments and you cannot react by smashing and hitting things.

Here's the thing, what you should have done is confiscated the tablet, not smash it, and let him know that if he behaves well you will consider letting him have it back for limited use when he's a bit older.
I think what you can do now is do apologise for breaking it, let him know you have put away money for a new one which he will get when he's a bit older for limited use IF he can show good behaviour.
The in-laws need telling by DH its not up to them, and if they buy him new before you think he's ready, it will be put away for later. You and DH are the parents. It's not a kindness to let little children have things that aren't good for them.

Give them the money to buy him something else. Send them links to show how being on screens affects the brain, and behaviour. For children and adults.

@Thenonstopcleaner I think you should replace it- throwing something of someone elses and breaking it is awful behaviour on your part. Are you sure some of the aggression you see in your son hasn't come from what you are giving out?

I also think that you have likely failed your DS in how you have handled the tablet so far. I am not judging too hard as I think the first month or two my son had one we did also- youtube kids was not the protected interface I thought it was.

I think tablets can definitely be ok for kids but you need to control and care about it's use. We have an hour screen time restriction on our sons. It doesn't unlock unless I grant access in the parent account. If he has been badly behaved either while on it or before I don't unlock it for him. I can remotely lock it if he is rude for instance.

Youtube we pay for a program ( Safe Vision) where we control all the channels he can watch. We include science channels, engineering channels, some fun ones, minecraft etc. I screen them all before I add them. He has no access to shorts and reels- these short form content videos are known to be the most damaging.

I agree the download of apps and pre screen them for suitability. And we have child settings on it so he gets some screening from unsuitable results on the web. Lots of apps are beneficial and even good for kids. He loves duolingo and the one you can point at the sky to identify what star or planet you are seeing. And this puzzle one with a crocodile and some bathwater.

In our house our son couldn't have not had a tablet this year, every week they have Times Tables Rockstar homework set.

Still not saying how old he is…

This 100%

I can't imagine that the kid hasn't seen anger issues before if the go-to response by his mother is to smash the tablet 🙄 All kids get stupidly addicted to screens if they are allowed to. Smashing things instead of parenting isn't the answer.

When my ds was 2 the in laws brought him an iPad.
Me being staunchly against kids wasting their childhoods rotting in front one of those it went straight in the bin. I didn’t tell them and they have no idea.
I never quite got why anyone would buy such a young kid an iPad anyway when there are so many toys you could have got?

Honestly never felt bad about wasting their money. Buy a better present next time.

Yes I’m aware I could have let him play it a little and had rules around it or whatever but who wants to hear a kid begging to have that all day instead of enjoying their childhood? that’s what I used to watch my little brother do to my mum he could never just enjoy the day it all revolved around “when I get home can I play on the iPad”.

Depressing.

I'd buy your son a good book.

She should not replace it. The tablet has damaged his behaviour. Correct response would have been to confiscate the thing rather than smash it. How do you react when you DC covers the fence, the kitchen and himself with paint btw? And grandparents should consult before buying digital items for GC.