Having dead parents is not a personality trait….

[aperolspritzbasicbitch]

So why do reality tv producers seem to think it is?

this is nothing new, the likes of X Factor were using it as a good old sob story years ago, but I’m currently trying to watch Below Deck Australia, and every second staff member has shared their story of loss at least once an episode.

Married at first sight is just as bad.

it’s bloody boring, and literally nothing to do with the ‘storyline’

AIBU, or has anyone else noticed a real influx in the constant mentions of loss for entertainment purposes?

Edit to add - Both my parents had died by the time I turned 32.

You miss them at any age.

My parents never became grandparents in their lifetime. They would have had three grandchildren.

I have been an "orphan" for 36 years now and am so used to the idea that I don't dwell on it.

The current MasterChef has barely any sob stories - yet! Still Friday's final to go.
One of them mentioned his mum and her good cooking. "She died several years ago." Water under the bridge, clearly. Not so much as a quiver of the lip 😂
Last year it was as though they'd picked contestants from a therapist's patient list.

We call it "wheeling out the dead nonna", when it's a programme like Masterchef. Of course, it was a real experience for the contestant but having a dead parent or grandparent doesn't make you a better cook/singer/ whatever. It's lazy production to try to wring crocodile tears from the audience, and it amazes me that so many contestants agree to it.

😂😂

I've come to realise that pretty much everyone has had something tragic happen to them

Strongly agree, and the older you get the more this is true.

However, you aren't getting on Race Across The World if you aren't prepared to talk about it! It's just the nature of this kind of programme.

At this point, I think we have to assume that it increases ratings.

You can't understand why anyone who didn't have a mother has lifelong trauma?

But I thought that having a mum around was the most important thing for a child to grow up into a healthy rounded adult.

It can be very OTT, but I certainly like to hear about people overcoming adversity and presumably others do too.

My dad losing his mum at 16 affected the trajectory of his whole life.

Nope, but watching turgid reality TV is definitely a personality type. What it indicates is the people featured on these shows aren’t very interesting, so the production team are mining (a basically empty cave) for some texture or detail in otherwise entirely dull people.

This isn't new. Peter Kay satirised it in 2008 on Britain's Got the Pop Factor... and Possibly a New Celebrity Jesus Christ Soapstar Superstar Strictly on Ice. One of the contestants is R Wayne, who doesn't get through boot camp because his back story isn't sad enough. Then his Nan suddenly dies when she hears that he has been eliminated, and Pete Waterman interrupts her funeral to tell Wayne that he's back on the show because he's now got a sob story.

It’s well known that reality tv shows look for these kind of people because they’re more likely to get the sympathy vote from the viewers. That’s why we eventually stopped watching X factor type crap - just another I’m doing this for my dead mum/dad/granny/dog story. Nothing original.

Agree with this.

The people on these reality shows are being prompted to talk about tragic things in their life. The production team will be encouraging and pushing it. The participant will know that it is expected to tell their story.

They have to be open about their lives because it makes more interesting TV.

I know what you mean. Im gutted that my mum never got to meet my children ( or they her), but I’ve had 30 years to get used to missing her. How much worse would it have been if we’d had those 30 extra years together.

I think if someone’s parents died when they were very young then it does, in fact, shape their personality as they’re growing up. The man who wrote Charlie Brown lost his mother at 10 years old. When describing his life, he always started “When my mum died”. He never said anything about what his life was like before that. The older you are, the more formed you already are when it happens.

But what you’re talking about is more “let’s share this specific type of pain because we’re too lazy to try and get the viewers to sympathise or connect with these people for any other reason” - straight for the jugular so to speak. It’s tacky and offensive to people’s real pain imo.

I don't. People's sob stories don't interest me.
I think it's great that people can overcome adversity, but I am not interested in hearing about it.

I am not hard hearted. DH overcame a bad start in life to do well, although it has made him obsessed with money, but I would rather watch a chef cook an amazing meal than hear about his dead grandmother.

Speaking from experience, it is possible for a parent to die and for it not to be traumatic if they lived a long, happy and complete life.

However, if you lose a parent in childhood, even just the impact of their loss on everyone around you and the practical consequences of their absence will change your life profoundly.

The death of your mother is never going to be 'water under the bridge' even if you are able to speak about it matter of factly.

The producers of these shows just want a sob story. They don’t actually care about the loss or the illness or whatever the traumatic experience is. They just want ‘good telly’ and an emotive sound track in the background. It’s horrible and I stopped watching any show that cynically used them.

Why do you assume that they talk about it all the time? You don’t know these people or how often they share personal information.

I was going to mention Race Across The World. It would be so much better without hearing about the tragic backstories. Having the people perform grief for the camera is often quite uncomfortable.

The kind of reality tv I like is something like Alone US/Canadian version. Their 'sob stories' (doesn't feel right calling them that as it sounds belittling) can be very relevant to how they developed their skills and ended up there, so it's interesting to hear about from that point of view. It doesn't feel so gratuitous for that context.

George Clarke always seems to find a bit of tragedy in the lives of the houseowners, and is forever prompting them to talk about it. As if nobody could renovate their house without "honouring" a dead relative. "Yes you've demolished the house your grandma lived in 30 years ago and completely changed it into something new, but you are keeping this one light switch to remind you of your Nan" He's quite a pro, and can well up at the drop of a hat. We call him Crying George in our house.

A friend's daughter and SIL were on The Repair Shop. Their 'sob story' (I hate to call it that) about losing a baby and the significance of the painting they brought for restoration was completely unknown to the close family. After the programme aired the picture was rehung in its normal place and never referred to again. Yes, they lost a baby but the story told on the programme was fiction.

This is it.

Producers select people with ‘a story’. The bit where the music turns sad and we root for the underdog. I’ve not doubt many of the contestants cringe while watching it, too!

Also it a literary trope, killing of the protagonist’s parents so the little orphan can go off on great adventures without mum and dad getting in the way, which would be very boring.

I don’t get the chance to talk about my mum, dead for more tha 30 years, very often so I suppose if I was on tv and someone gave me that chance I would take it.