Having dead parents is not a personality trait….

[aperolspritzbasicbitch]

So why do reality tv producers seem to think it is?

this is nothing new, the likes of X Factor were using it as a good old sob story years ago, but I’m currently trying to watch Below Deck Australia, and every second staff member has shared their story of loss at least once an episode.

Married at first sight is just as bad.

it’s bloody boring, and literally nothing to do with the ‘storyline’

AIBU, or has anyone else noticed a real influx in the constant mentions of loss for entertainment purposes?

Edit to add - Both my parents had died by the time I turned 32.

And I'm not talking about the genuinely impactful dances, like Rose Ayling Ellis's dance where the music goes silent partway through.

We always used to discuss what elaborate story we'd make up to get something repaired on the repair shop. It didn't seem like "it's spent 50 years in the loft and we have no idea where it originally came from" would cut it

Whenever I watch any reality show, DH and I always place bets about how long it will take someone to play the dead nan card 😂

I always tell my kids they are screwed if they go on any of these shows.

Like what is your sob story? A healthy, happy home. Two parents who adore you, your brother, and each other. Warm house, good food in your tummy, quality shoes on feet, good schooling and support, nice leafy neighbourhood, and lots of fun times?

I mean we did once run out of persian feta for avocado toast, so they could lead with that I guess.

But otherwise they got nuffin...

Of course I can understand why it’s awful to lose your mum at 2. But being in absolute bits 40 years later when asked about it during filming for a show you’ve chosen to go on, nah. It’s because the producers want a story, performative

When I was at uni I made friends with 3 other girls and we had all lost a parent. We wittily called ourselves the dead parents society and are still good mates 25 years later. Not connected to your thread sorry but it just reminded me.

You never know why he's feeling more fragile at that moment. I think that just because some people are uncomfortable with emotions and grief, especially from men unfortunately, doesn't mean everyone else has to hide it.

Yes, you’re right. I imagine the production team poking and prodding the issue will have made that happen.

It isn’t the contestants in these shows performing most of the time, they’re told to do it.

My mum died when I was very small, it massively impacted my life but it’s not something I would use as a TV show sob story. Also - I don’t remember her, I can’t claim she gave me a love of cooking or whatever. It’s ghoulish using people like this imo.

I've just binge watched Race Across the World and I skip through all of the backstory and navel gazing bits.

I'm sure there is a market for a streaming service that edits all of that out of TV programmes.

At best, it's a lazy way of bulking out shows. At worst, it's exploitative.

I am of course sympathetic to the trauma of others, but these are strangers who don't actually need my sympathy and would never know they've got it. They just need to get on and do whatever the core of the programme is.

I really dislike it as well. Im not diminishing the awful trauma that some people have been through, (as foster carers we see this side of life) and yes ofcourse it does affect your life BUT I watch and just thinking its not needed and the cynic in me thinks 'getting the votes'.
Personally the only 'reality show i now watch is strictly because I find the others so scripted and fake. And as a pp said I know of someone who tried for BGT and they wanted to 'know their story' before they'd performed.

I had similar. Not from one of the "queue up outside a warehouse" shows but one that bills itself as more classy. It is not. I dropped out in the end. I do have a "story" - I mean, I know we all do, but I had one they obviously wanted to use when in fact I would rather they didn't. I would have been happy for them to focus on what I could actually do, which I was proud of, but they were less interested in that. It was pretty bruising all round and I ended up doubting my abilities, questioning if people in everyday life also saw me as a victim etc.

No one wins when TV is like this. But it seems to be a formula that works in terms of viewing figures.

Yes agree. I know some people who applied for Masterchef Sri Lanka and the producers kept going round auditionees in circles for days on end before picking their final 20.

Oh a dead nan was always a winner on X Factor wasn’t it? The most famous dead Nan of all being the one belonging to the scouse fella… Chris someone…

I think you're mixing two issues. Using a story on a talent show to deliberately manipulate an audience - this is bad and yanbu.

But in general life, wanting to talk about loss, when that is the event that has most shaped and affected your life, however old you are, and however long ago it was - I think it's really callous to say that it's unnecessary or somehow performative.

I speak as someone whose child's father died when she was a toddler. It has entirely shaped her childhood and will no doubt affect her for the whole of her life. I hope she finds kinder friends than some on here.

i assume ops point isn't that it isn't a huge part of ones life, but that reality TV seems to screen for this type of trauma. you can't go on anything unless you've got a tragic tale to tell. yes it might be relevant to parts of the journey but it's like it's eeked out bot at a time like that is what the show is about. not people cooking on a boat who happen to have had trauma, but someone who's had trauma who happens to be cooking on a boat.

It does seem to be a "thing" that everyone needs to have a tragic backstory.

Why?

My back story has more than a few "tragic" moments in it but I would feel no need to share them. Its misery memoirs being televised.

Prince Harry. I don't for one minute doubt that looking a parent so publicly at such a young age has a profound effect but he is 42 this year with a family of his own yet every speech.........

I think it's nice when people talk about loss when they are comfortable doing so. Everyone has had some type of trauma normally by the time they are about 30 whether that is relational, family death, illness etc. I lost both my parents to cancer within 18 months and watching my mother die like that was horrific. It had a big effect on me and I don't see it as a personality trait but it certainly shaped me. If you are so uncomfortable with it maybe that says more about your own unresolved trauma and your inability to be vulnerable around that.

This is what irritates me about Britain's Got Talent. They do a public vote, and often the winner wins via a sympathy vote as opposed to whose act is best. I think it should be judged by the judges - but of course, they want engagement and ratings.

And the texts cost a fortune. Who on earth bothers??

That’s why I can’t stand the repost shop. I want to see the restoration, not the sob story behind it.

She has. Says in her first post.

yoi should patent this idea. I would pay for that.

I expect the sob stories but the worst ever was Lauren singing “never enough” and “finally coming out from the shadows” of being hidden away in the greatest Shownan movie. You know, the one that will have paid her and the role she chose to audition for knowing it was a singing part.

naiseating tv. I was so glad she got knocked round after her golden buzzer.

hats of so Simon Cowell for this acting skills pretending he never had a clue who she was. Could win in Oscar that dude

The TV producers really need to stop this now. On Race across the world it was SO tedious to keep having to sit through those straight to camera pieces where they were being prompted to go over and over their emotional journey. Tell me more about your dead relative. Again. And again. With long pauses until they managed to get a wobbly voice or some tears then CUT.
My children joke about this. ‘What’s your victim story then?’

Used to be a point of pride to be resilient. Now it’s a problem? It’s a real phenomenon amongst the young that victim status and trauma farming and identity angst is coveted and celebrated.
I think of myself as resilient. I don’t HAVE to have unresolved trauma. It’s not a helpful message.