AIBU to feel angry about my husband's £1000 a month car?

[Tunaturner]

My husband has bought a car that costs £1000 a month. He does earn a lot more and drives a lot so I get he wants to be comfortable. But I think cars are a waste of money.
I don’t know why I feel so angry.

We have our own money and pay half the bills,
but to me the money would be better spent on other things.
if I just met him on a date and he said he has a car that was £1000 month I wouldn’t see him again as it’s distasteful.
am I being irrational? I feel controlling saying he shouldn’t be spending that much.

Would piss me off too, but mainly because I think people who get contract hire cars are complete mugs. Just chucking money away with nothing to securitize. I bought our car as a 1year used car outright 8 years ago, and we'll drive it another 8 years. Why would I actively participate in crystallising depreciation? I don't really want people to know how much money we have.

That isn't always the case. We always used to buy our cars, but dh's is now a lease through work as it worked out a much better deal and means that money that would have been spent on tax just goes towards the car instead.

He’s putting £40k per year into his pension. Unless he’s only very recently started contributing, that means he’ll likely have a £2M+ pension pot at retirement, giving him at least £80-£100k per year in retirement.

I don’t think he’s going to be that fussed about £25k for a car at retirement.

Why can’t he enjoy the proceeds of his hard work now?

I think you're spending too much time and energy worrying about his car. He can afford it and it makes him happy. Move on!

I struggle with the concept of anyone jyst wanting to gift £25k to the banks & have nothing to show for it, when there's an entirely reasonable way to have a decent car AND 25 grand in your own pocket!

I mean, obviously there are plenty of people that prioritise having something for show for 3 years and empty pockets at the end of it. But if he could actually afford one, he'd buy one instead of leasing one. Leasing one is just throwing money away in my opinion.

But hey, that's why the banks do so well, right?

I disagree.

Some people spend money on holidays and “don’t have anything to show for it”, but they have the pleasure of the experience. It’s the same thing. Yes, alternatively they could save that money for several years and buy a teeny tiny flat by the seaside instead 😅

For many people a lease is worthwhile. I drive a £70k car because I like it and can afford it. But I don’t want to tie up £70k of capital if I don’t have to, so I lease it. That way I only pay for depreciation and interest. Furthermore, it’s tax effective because it is salary sacrifice, so as a 48% tax payer I am actually only paying for half of the depreciation and interest, so significantly cheaper overall that if I bought it outright and then sold it later.

And the icing on the cake (as I said upthread) the insurance for my two teens is included in the lease. If I had to pay that separately it would be nearly the same as the cost of the lease.

There are of course many other financially valid reasons for leasing. But I think some people just like to believe anyone with a lease car is a daft flashy git.

I’m totally confused. Who has given a bank £25k for nothing?

he pays a lease company £1k a month for a car. A car isn’t nothing.

also he wouldn’t have £25k because he would’ve been taxed on his car allowance. He’d only take home half of it.

You’ve no idea how leases work and the tax benefits. The depreciation on an expensive car over 3 years is likely to be in excess of 1k a month too. The sums really do work sometimes.

If the lease payments include maintenance and VAT and he does a fair mileage a year than its really not that much and its hardly a flashy status symbol .... its an estate car which is a sensible family choice - hardly a Bugatti Veyron.

I earn a million pounds a week and get around on a pogo stick I found in a skip thirty years ago. However I do have a solid gold toilet so my turds are positively regal. Do I win a prize?

You either agree to have separate finances or you don’t. We don’t our money is communal. Having separate finances then having a strop because you don’t like the other person’s choices is unreasonable

How do you know that he is sending £1000 a month on his car?

He could be spending all or some of that money on anything.

Find out.

😂

Well OP didn't say "he's joined a company salary sacrifice scheme to get a new car" she said "he's spending £1000 a month on a lease car.

Which sounds a lot more like it's coming out of after-tax earnings. But whatever.

She also says “He does have a large car allowance”. It would be quite unusual to have a car allowance without also having a salary sacrifice lease scheme.

This is a you problem. You don't like cars so you see it as a waste.

He has a high pressure job with a big car allowance he drives a lot and can afford it do what's the problem.

You're not a car person so you won't get it but it doesn't mean he's wasteful or wrong.

If he can afford it, and you and the children aren't affected, why does it bother you so much? So what he likes a bit of luxury, don't we all. Think your making something out of nothing. Why did you not speak to him about it, but post on this site? Very strange, you are supposedly a couple, so talk it out..

@Tunaturner

It’d be a massive turnoff for me too. Especially when he’ll moan about paying for strawberries! And that amount on a car is ridiculous. He’s compensating for something he feels he’s lacking internally.

I think a discussion and some readdressing the financial split and fairness may be helpful. You have separate finances, so this is always the risk, just make sure you’re not loosing out unfairly, or won’t later on.

How is your relationship generally? Do you both need to try to reconnect maybe? (You don’t have to answer, just good for thought). I’d be concerned if it felt like I was married to a bachelor. Who is the car and gym for? I mean good he’s staying fit, bit it sounds like it’s for external validation from social media - Ick!!

And there it is. Its not about the car but what the car signifies.
He has changed from someone that you can relate to.
You mentioned your parents are millionaires.
He obviously knows this?
How does this play out in your relationship?

Just like you’ll never get back the money you spend on a holiday, or an expensive meal out, or a bottle of champagne.

If you never spend money on nice things then what’s the point in earning it? Are high earners expected only to put it into a house or leave it to their children?

You suffer from the depreciation no matter how you lease or own the car. Pay upfront, hire purchase or lease and you are paying for the depreciation in each case.

My husband is like you, he buys lightly used and pays cash but the way you finance the car is not the determining factor in whether you are paying for the depreciation or not.

They are a use of money, not a waste of money.

That’s what money is for, buying things.

If £1000 per month is less than 5% of his monthly take home pay then fine, otherwise I would agree with you Op, poor decision.

I hate to do the whole what if genders were reversed but this thread is an example of it

How so?

If OP was spending 10% of her gross income (so vastly more of net income) on a car to make herself look good when her family need a new bathroom, I would think that she was a pathetic wanker too!