AIBU to feel angry about my husband's £1000 a month car?

[Tunaturner]

My husband has bought a car that costs £1000 a month. He does earn a lot more and drives a lot so I get he wants to be comfortable. But I think cars are a waste of money.
I don’t know why I feel so angry.

We have our own money and pay half the bills,
but to me the money would be better spent on other things.
if I just met him on a date and he said he has a car that was £1000 month I wouldn’t see him again as it’s distasteful.
am I being irrational? I feel controlling saying he shouldn’t be spending that much.

Watches are pretty much obsolete now. Everyone has phones. So yes, watches are a waste of money.

Is it a Defender?

Our bathroom and kitchen both desperately need doing but I'm saving for a new dog 😆

“Perhaps I'm old fashioned, but if you're married or even living together in a long-term relationship, surely large purchases should be discussed???”

Why?

The whole point of retaining some “personal” money is so that you don’t need to discuss what you spend it on. It’s fine for a couple to pool some of their money but to keep some separate.

If your kids have everything they need then they don't need money thrown at them.

Parents are allowed to treat themselves with their own earnings.

As is perfume, makeup, nice bags, holidays abroad, good wine, music, a meal out with friends, a large television…

It'd annoy me too. Have earned similar amounts in the past, our lease used to be £250 a month. If I wanted to 'treat' myself i might have gone to £500 a month max. Anything higher seems hugely wasteful to me. And with job insecurity imagine if you were laid off and had a three year lock in to a £1000 a month lease!!!

You clearly have no clue about watches. There is a huge market for high end watches that can go for 7 figures.

I was thinking the same.

I don't think OP even likes her husband.

The car is just evidence of what she "despises" about him. And that's such an awful word.

They agreed separate finances, but she's now complaining that he might spend his pension, that he's saved (40% a month) on his hobbies, when she feels it should be shared. She's been clear she'll take the majority of the house if they divorce because she put the majority in (as she should) but that she'll also take a good chunk of his pension.

Seems to be very much a case of what's mine is mine, and so is some of yours.

IF they stay together then they'd be wise to revisit their finances.

It's a big IF though, once you're using the word "despise" about your spouse the rot has already set in.

Does he have a motorhome on his mama’s drive?

That would really depend on the bathroom though, wouldn’t it?

Also - all cars depreciate and writing cars off is what insurance is for. The OP’s husband bought a car that is within his price range, like most people do. Nothing out of the ordinary.

It's a lease car so it's not an asset, depreciating or otherwise. It's an expense, like a train fare.

This is in contrast to a new bathroom which is indeed a depreciating asset.

This may sound harsh but, if you wanted him to put more into the 'family' pot you should have negotiated that. Otherwise it's 'his' money to waste as he likes.

The majority of the house is ring fenced as OPs

So why would he pay for a bathroom in a house he has hardly any claim on

I’d argue that a bathroom is an appreciating asset given that the general trajectory of house prices is upwards.

This whole conversation never makes sense, mainly because we’re talking about individuals not corporations who can charge depreciation 😂

there can be no argument that a bathroom is an appreciating asset- it is getting older and closer to its replacement date, no matter how beautiful it is. Will it increase the value of your other asset, your house? Maybe. But the value of the bathroom asset will never appreciate.

a car is simply an expensive purchase. People aren’t talking about depreciation, they’re talking about not being about the resell it for the same or more.

if you bought a pair of shoes, and wore them, you wouldn’t be expecting to resell them at the price you paid. You’re using the car to drive around, that’s what it’s for.

@Tunaturner
This is not really about the car or the money.
You are angry because he has changed - he is not the same as when you married him.
He used to be generous to you, now he is selfish and critical. He also has different interests and values.

The thing is, in a long marriage people do change. No-one stays the same person decade after decade. So it is normal in a marriage to adapt, change with your partner, find new ways to re-connect and keep the flame alive despite the changes.
However, it sounds like you have lost respect for him and got the 'ick'. Once the respect has gone, the relationship is as good as dead.

You need marriage counselling urgently, or prepare for eventual divorce.

Just because people spend loads of money on watches doesn't mean they're not a waste of money. Yes, some people may see them as an investment, and a small fraction of those people may actually make money out of them, but more likely the fact that there's a huge market for spending £1,000,000+ on watches just mean they're a REALLY BIG waste of money! 🙂

Some people spend 7 figures gambling online. Similarly a small fraction of them come out on top in the long term. An acquaintance did well from sports betting. But similarly, for the vast majority of punters like the vast majority of £1m watch owners, gambling is also a massive waste of money.

It's irrelevant as apparently he is leasing the car, so that is £1000 a month he will never get back, asset or otherwise.

It's like someone renting a house, it doesn't matter what the house is worth, you'll never get the rent money back when you move out anyway.

A new bathroom might enhance the value of the overall property in the short term but over time that effect will diminish. Eventually an old, tired bathroom will reduce the price that someone would be willing to pay for the house because they know they'll have to replace it. That sounds like depreciation to me.

Plus the resale value of the actual fixtures and fittings in the bathroom is pretty much zero from the day they're installed.

Oh yeah, this is a criminal level of stupidity then. Cars lose 50% of their value once they get driven off the lot. If he bought new, he’s doubly an idiot. There is a big, BIG difference between a comfortable car and 1000/month. So he is:

• wasting money on a depreciable asset
• refusing to spend money that would help an asset appreciate (your house’s bathroom)

You’re mad because he’s acting like a complete fucking idiot. That’s worth being mad over.

Came on to say exactly the same. It's more like a flatmates situation with sex.

OP, so you have paid for the lovely house and he pays for him, his car and pension?

Why have you tied your finances to such a loser?

Huge mistake.
I think you need to rethink the relationship.

He's a single man using you.

He needs to be transferring money for the house every single month or you would be better off divorcing now.

Agree with all of that too.

What classes as a waste of money? It’s surely subjective. The type of people spending 1m on watches clearly have the disposable income to do so and will likely afford everything else they want so it’s not at the expense of something else 🤷‍♂️