AIBU to feel angry about my husband's £1000 a month car?

[Tunaturner]

My husband has bought a car that costs £1000 a month. He does earn a lot more and drives a lot so I get he wants to be comfortable. But I think cars are a waste of money.
I don’t know why I feel so angry.

We have our own money and pay half the bills,
but to me the money would be better spent on other things.
if I just met him on a date and he said he has a car that was £1000 month I wouldn’t see him again as it’s distasteful.
am I being irrational? I feel controlling saying he shouldn’t be spending that much.

I see your point. Perhaps "expenditure that can't be objectively justified" would be a better term than "waste of money". But even then, there's almost always a cheaper option. I concede that I spend more than strictly necessary on practically everything and others might well make different choices.

I suppose the problem I have is with people arguing that watches (and similar discretionary luxury items) aren't "a waste of money" when this negative argument is just as subjective. Their position would seem more defensible if they said "Yes, they're arguably a waste of money, but so what? I can afford the expenditure and I enjoy it."

To apply this principle to the OP, her husband spending £1000 pcm on a luxury car lease is essentially equivalent to his spending a lesser amount, say, £500 pcm on a less premium but still reliable and practical vehicle and gambling the rest away. Whether this would be okay depends on your relationship and attitude to money.

I'm with you OP. At the risk of sounding sanctimonious, I couldn't be with anyone who worships status symbols to that extent. Like you, I find it really distasteful, even if someone can afford it.

If you extrapolate that, everyone should drive a Dacia, only buy Aldi own brand food and spend nothing on entertainment as the only justification for expense is survival. Sounds a little communist to me. If something brings joy, is it a justifiable expense?

It's only "communist" if you say that people shouldn't be allowed to spend money on frivolous things ("waste"). I think everyone spends money in ways that could be seen as wasteful, and in itself that's fine by me. As others have pointed out "waste" in this context is a subjective term with connotations of being judgmental. I acknowledged that I waste money myself. As I said, "I spend more than strictly necessary on practically everything and others might well make different choices."

Maybe my position isn't coming across clearly, and that's probably because it's evolving as I'm thinking about it, and because the word "waste" is usually used as a criticism.

I don't think the OP's DH shouldn't spend £1000 pcm on a car lease just because "it's a waste of money". If the OP and her DH are genuinely happy to have separate finances and this is "his money" then he's free to spend the money as he wants, and I suppose there are worse things than an expensive car. That's not how my relationship with my wife works though. If anything I personally think he shouldn't spend £1000 pcm on anything without some level of discussion and buy-in from his spouse and life partner (and possibly coparent?).

I just don't think you can objectively argue that spending this amount is objectively justifiable in a way that other choices generally seen as "wasteful" aren't. A big chunk of that £1000 every month is being spent because having a nice car feels good, and it's discretionary expenditure . In that sense it's a "waste of money" to the extent that this can ever be assessed objectively. I don't think this is a problem unless it causes problems - and in this case it does.

It would be far simpler in terms of getting parts, repairs etc if there were just a few models of cars. Small car, medium car, family car. Small van, big van etc, It would also prevent people feeling they needed to "keep up with the Joneses" spending money they don't have to buy an expensive and flashy car.

Does he do the trousers that are too small for him and the shoes without socks thing as well OP? That would be the final ick in the coffin for me.

(never been so glad for my totally unflash car, normal fitting trouser and sock wearing bearded farmer DH)

I'm also a dinosaur so I still think when you're married your finances are joint. But if you keep separate bank accounts then that's his choice what he spends the money on, isn't it? Is it affecting your finances ? Apologies if I've not read the whole thread thoroughly

Of he earns significantly more why are you paying half the bills?
Do you do the housework, house admin, cooking, kids related stuff?
Im annoyed with him before car gate

There’s always a chance he’s about to sneak a Lamborghini into the tractor shed though 🤔

If you're in a marriage and his spending affects your life together and he makes decisions without a discussion, it can't be his money/my money. Finances and lack of communication are the biggest reasons marriages fail. It's the principle that he does not want to spend the money bettering your life. He cannot afford that car if he's loaning or leasing and cannot pay it off in a relatively short time. I think you both set the wrong intentions for this union and now its showing.

YANBU we've spent £34k on two cars in 13 years which is just over £100 a month each. Our household income is £150k a year there's no chance we'd spend that on a car. There's nothing wrong with our cars either not exactly old bangers would much rather spend money on other things

1k a month for a car is not a lot. Neither is 34k for two cars. I’ve spent way more than that in the last couple of years. I’m not missing anything either to spend the money on🤷‍♂️

I know were coming.,but just talk to him.

A lease is worse!

@Tunaturner is it a ToTR range rover?? Or a Porche??

It flipping well is a lot!!! Give your head a wobble love!

You canna just hand it back!!! Its leased for a set number of months!!

I’ve just checked one of my cars cost and it would be 3k a month. I bought it outright though.

Who is he trying to impress?

Ten years ago I startted to sponsor / subsidise a 6-year-old girl in the slums of Bangalore, to continue her education after she had studied in a charity-sponsored preschool from the age of 3years.
Earlier this week she sent me photos of herself (now 16 years old, accepting a place at college on a 3-year pre-university course leading to a B.Sc honours degree course, at a local university where - if her studies go well - she would like to study medicine and become a doctor.
I am 82 years old, receive Housing Benefit and Pension Credit in addition to modest savings from my professional life. My contribution to her fees will be in the region of £800 per year - which I calculate as being £15 per week, half of which will be covered by my Pension Credit and the other half will mean one fewer Starbucks coffee and pastry.per week - neither of which would give me a fraction of the joy I get from being able to make a difference in the life of a girl who has worked her socks off to be successful and escape from poverty.
I remember when I thought my car was important, but I am glad my values changed. and am delighted in the spin-off results, like the fact that she has taught her parents to be literate in the local language, and to speak and read English.
At 16 years she is quadrilingual (4 languages with 4 different alphabets,)
I am very pleased. - and incredibly proud of her achievement.

Is that on finance?
Better to save up first.

Ten years ago I startted to sponsor / subsidise a 6-year-old girl in the slums of Bangalore, to continue her education after she had studied in a charity-sponsored preschool from the age of 3years.
Earlier this week she sent me photos of herself (now 16 years old, accepting a place at college on a 3-year pre-university course leading to a B.Sc honours degree course, at a local university where - if her studies go well - she would like to study medicine and become a doctor.
I am 82 years old, receive Housing Benefit and Pension Credit in addition to modest savings from my professional life. My contribution to her fees will be in the region of £800 per year - which I calculate as being £15 per week, half of which will be covered by my Pension Credit and the other half will mean one fewer Starbucks coffee and pastry.per week - neither of which would give me a fraction of the joy I get from being able to make a difference in the life of a girl who has worked her socks off to be successful and escape from poverty.
I remember when I thought my car was important, but I am glad my values changed. and am delighted in the spin-off results, like the fact that she has taught her parents to be literate in the local language, and to speak and read English.
At 16 years she is quadrilingual (4 languages with 4 different alphabets,)
I am very pleased. - and incredibly proud of her achievement.

This would annoy me! Absolutely fine to do what each of you want with your own money unless it affects the other negatively.

That said, I’m afraid the whole specific car badge, designer label, Insta everything culture drives me insane, we live in a world obsessed with money and appearance and seem to be losing everything of real value. So daft as it seems, if my partner felt the need to buy a £1000pcm car I’d be seriously questioning whether our values still aligned.

So you each have your own money after paying bills?

why can’t he spend his money how he wants? If you don’t want him to then pool your money and discuss everything

If @Tunaturner's DH spent half as much on the car lease & put it into the mortgage/savings account instead, n the end he'd have over £25k to buy a car outright for retirement. Rather than 3 years of fancy car, then nothing to show for it but a few photos.

Yes, obviously everyone has different priorities. But if a fancy car is a priority, save for it & buy one you can afford, rather than paying a grand a month to own a slice of nothing... might as well be taking taxis everywhere. Car leases are only for people desperate to have a reliable car but without enough capital behind them to buy one, surely?

He's beyond that stage in his career, if he can't buy a car outright now, it's just throwing money away keeping the finance houses in profit, surely?

You can do both. I enjoy my cars and I also give significant money to charity. All depends on income.