AIBU to feel angry about my husband's £1000 a month car?

[Tunaturner]

My husband has bought a car that costs £1000 a month. He does earn a lot more and drives a lot so I get he wants to be comfortable. But I think cars are a waste of money.
I don’t know why I feel so angry.

We have our own money and pay half the bills,
but to me the money would be better spent on other things.
if I just met him on a date and he said he has a car that was £1000 month I wouldn’t see him again as it’s distasteful.
am I being irrational? I feel controlling saying he shouldn’t be spending that much.

We have two cars each £1k pm. We both like nice cars.

I agree with this as well. We keep separate money with joint for household and we always discuss big purchases.

It sounds like you have some resentment over paying for a larger portion of the house deposit and also still contributing towards the mortgage. Which on the face of it he is unfairly benefiting from.

But what is your pension like in comparison to his? Especially if you’re saying you’ll get a share of it if you divorce but your contribution to the house deposit is protected.

It was me that said that, and OP has made it very clear that they have seperate finances so has no say over his spare money, so it is not that she sees it as "ours" because it isnt. I was referring to the fact that the house is majority paid for by her which she said is legally protected, and suggested that she should double check that.

I dont know why are so determined to paint @Tunaturner as some money crazed gold digger when its clear that he wouldnt have this money to spaff on a car if they were paying a full mortgage on their house!

ETA at no point has she said that he cant do it, but she does have the right to feel that it is a total waste of money that could be used for better things to benefit everyone, as she does with her money.

Warhamner player who drives a flash car. Your DH must be Henry Cavill!

Or my sons best friend! Is it a Porsche?! haha

He earn mega mega mega bucks as an IT ...... something, he told me once but I didnt understand it tbh, and the only thing he spends his money on is Warhammer and nice cars. I have been to his house and its like a very computer literate monks cell!

I’m 39 and don’t understand couples that are financially incompatible either. Our money goes into one pot and is family money.

Yes this exactly. My finances are on the family
and house. His are on himself.
even if he can afford it, Why would anyone want to put themselves first?

My pension is far less. His is significantly more.
but with how he is at flashy things now, I’m worried his pension will go on him and him alone. So his pension amount means nothing to me, I’m sure he’ll blow it on whatever hobby he has then.

This is what happens when you have separate finances.

Haaaaa I wish….may have to check out Henry isn’t into flash cars first then sign me up!

You describe my husband 🫣🫣🫣

Oh yikes. It would make me wary he’s poor with money and a rubbish decision maker. He needs to watch the first episode of the Rebel Finance School to see exactly how much money he’s burning…

£980 a Month M5 Touring 8000 miles a year with Lease Loco looks Ace !

Look if he can afford it and that's what he wants to do than why not ?

Personally I grew up with a father who was 'wealthy' and car daft and would at a whim swap a Mercedes for a Bentley a Porsche for a BMW and went through over 50 luxury cars from when I was 7 to when I was 22. Today my DH is also a bit car daft and has three 'Luxury' cars for himself A 'Pool' Mercedes A Class he drives to work because he does not want his staff to see him in his Mercedes SL Range Rover or Porsche 911 Turbo while he is laying off staff due to this Government.

The bottom line though if you breathe cars and can afford them why not indulge yourself. Other People I know will become the 'wealthiest' people in the Cemetery, driving round in bangers with millions in the bank !

I do and I dont. When my first husband and I were together, every penny went into the joint account and nothing was spent above bills food etc without a check in or discussion. With second husband everything was separate because I was protecting my childrens future. I didnt want to lose half of my house to somone who had never paid a penny towards it.

With so much more focus on women being utterly screwed over in divorce, I think far more women, especially high earners/breadwinners, are keen on protecting themselves and for good reason. The myth that men get "cleaned out" in a divorce is just that, a myth. It is promoted by bitter men who hate that they are not allowed to simply keep the ex wife poor and themselves rich.

I thought you said his hobby was painting plastic models?

Although tbf I have no idea if that’s an expensive hobby

Dont panic, its not him! He isnt married and his salary makes your husbands look like pocket change....he told me once (I hadnt asked) and he could buy my house outright in about 3 months!

It is expensive (kind of.....think of having a specialist lego habit, its about the same level) but she also said that he wasnt like this when they got together. So the fancy car, the gym and the insta habit led many of us to think MLC.

I'm completely with you OP, I think money spent on cars is just money thrown in the bin and would be disgusted in my DH if he did this, I would not tolerate a single whinge about ANYTHING 'costing too much money' if he was pissing £1000 a month up the wall.

But I recognise it's just how I feel personally, IMO a car just gets you from A to B, my DH almost did something similar, when his car needed replacing he was talking about finance etc, spending 4-5 more than I ever would on a car, and I told him I thought it would be a waste of money, but said he was free to decide himself and I backed off completely as I realised it was my personal feelings and mine don't override his, especially as we also have separate money.

I breathed a sigh of relief when he bought a very nice used car outright though.

Sounds like you just value different things - you like hot tubs (which maybe he thinks are a waste of money?) and he likes cars, which you think are a waste of money. If your agreement is that its separate money, it shouldn't be an issue.

I love a nice car. It’s an absolute pleasure to have if you can afford it.
Just because you have different tastes / priorities for spending doesn’t make your choices better than his. You have a hot tub!!! You complain your husband has a insta driven naff priorities but you have a bloody hot tub 🤮

Ha ha came to say the same! £1000 car darling! Zip it!

Can't agree with you OP . I drive a lot and like a nice comfortable car to do it in . If I could afford it I would spend it . And if I didn't care about house furnishings I wouldn't. I also like good quality clothes and shoes but my DH couldn't care less . Why do I have to think his way . If you asked about new bathroom or family holiday do you think he wouldn't want to contribute or is he just not interested ?
Don't be mad just because you think his car is too fancy .

£12,000 per year is not getting him a top of the range Mercedes.

That’d be more like £30,000 down plus £3,000 per month.