My (same sex) friend and I kissed

[shallowheart10]

Posting in this forum for traffic.

Feeling a bit confused on what to do next. Both me and my friend are married with kids of the same age. We met at work around 2 years ago but we no longer work together.

I went to her house at the weekend for a drink and takeaway. We ended up kissing. I enjoyed it. I’m married and I do truly love my husband so it’s not like I would leave him or my family. I know I can’t really explore this for all of those reasons.

I feel confused because I am in a happy marriage but feel like I probably do have some sort
of feelings alongside. Never been with a woman before.

needed to vent as I only have chat gpt, can’t say it to anyone else

This all sounds like a 12 year old boy's fantasy!

I’m jealous because I fancy my friend (not helpful)

Assuming you're not going to run off with this woman and ruin your family life, he probably thinks it's hot! It's not in any way the same threat that another man would be, it doesn't inspire the same jealous feelings. It'll probably spice things up in the bedroom, he'll be planning threesome's as we speak, or at worst will find it exciting that his missis has a new sexy side to her.

Lots of men like the thought of their partner kissing another woman, I bet it is “literally it” and that he isn’t threatened because it’s a woman. If this were a man, the reaction would no doubt have been wildly different.

I wouldn’t overthink it OP. You’ve been honest with your DP, he doesn’t really seem to care, as long as you don’t turn it into a full blown affair whatever. It was just a drunken kiss with a friend, let it go.

It’s a bit strange to find yourself kissing your same sex straight friend, put it behind you and let the friendship go.

That might be the end of it then and what happened won’t bother him. Or as it was bedtime he might have been too tired to wonder why you joined in with the kissing when you don’t fancy her.

I can’t see how you can remain friends now that line has been crossed. It puts unnecessary strain on the trust of the person who was cheated on if you continue a relationship with the person you snogged. Also ending the friendship is kinder to her if she has feelings for you that won’t be going anywhere.

I think your plan to discuss it with her is at best not well thought out. In this situation, airing your thoughts will just be giving oxygen to something that is best left. It doesn’t need a debriefing. She knows you are married so doesn’t need to be told that

Many wrong behaviours would actually feel great if you tried them.

Be disciplined and civilised enough to stay faithful to your marriage if you love your family.

Call it a mistake and resolve to never be in that position again. Don't even think you are missing anything of value. It is not a sacrifice to honour your own words.

Your husband never needs the worry of your fleeting experiment to tarnish his trust in your family stability.

@shallowheart10 A one-off session of kissing is not a big deal. It would only become so if it was repeated and led to more sex and or a deeper relationship.
It is interesting that DH said that he had noticed that she fancied you. Not surprised that you didn't notice her intention. I suppose it was a surprise with little prior discussion.
Don't let it worry you OP, it isn't that bad at all.
I am at a similar stage with a friend, kissing and touching but no more. I want to keep her friendship so I am not pushing the relationship.

Thanks for all replies. It’s good to see a balance. I do feel guilty but less now I have told him. I think I am putting it down to a drunken mistake.

@ThatsNicerhow did the relationship with your friend start? Are you both in relationships? Trying to think whether that’s what she is trying to get out of this

@00Kyou fancy your friend - would you think about acting on it? It’s good to have a perspective from this side.

Perhaps worth remembering that half-term falls at different times in different parts of the country.

True; The PM count will give it away.

@shallowheart10 We have been friends for a while, watching movie at my house, sitting close, it seemed a natural move.
We both want to keep the friendship. Would it add stress to get closer?
Probably! 🤔

I think about it, but I never would. Mainly because I don’t think she feels the same way.

Personally, I find this harsh. For me, the fact that it was a female friend makes a difference. She likely wasn’t prepared for it to happen and is/was confused by the situation.

I would put it down to drunken mistake and move on. Your hubby sounds like a cool dude being understanding - I would stick with him - he's a keeper.

It's irrelevant that your friend is a woman. The point is that you snogged someone who wasn't your partner. It would be exactly the same problem if you'd kissed another man.

Essentially, you need to decide whether you a) leave your husband in the hope of a relationship with someone else, b) continue to cheat, c) never cheat again but maintain a platonic friendship with the person you cheated with or d) tell your friend you can't see her any more. Option B would, obviously, be shitty behaviour. Personally, if you love your husband and don't want to hurt him, I'd opt for D.

Surely after telling your fella he was rite revved up and you had an excellent shag? Wasted oppo if not.

Why does it make a difference? Kissing anyone who isn't your partner when you're in a committed relationship is cheating.

Would you be rite (sic) revved up if your fella told you he'd kissed a same sex friend?

I think I’m justified by the response of OP’s DH , which I hadn’t read when I wrote my post.
He wasn’t bothered by the situation , so it looks like my take was the correct reading of the situation,