What is the wankiest thing you’ve seen your ex do?

[Magpiesinthegarden]

That made you think - what a knob! And that you are well rid of them!

lighthearted thread -

I’ll go first -

Recently my ex changed his profile picture to this wanky AI generated image of him in the middle with a halo and two angels either side… he actually gave himself a halo 🤣 What a knobhead! Like he was Jesus 😳(He was a massive narcissist. My ex. Not Jesus)

What are the wankiest things your ex has ever done?

My exdp demanded our younger 2 dc have DNA tests to avoid paying £7 a week maintenance...

Hes not worked in 7 years to avoid payment and not contributed 1p to our 4 dc.

'ckin' 'ell...

Knowing I was desperate for a second baby paid privately to have a vasectomy so he wouldn't get the woman he was shagging pregnant.

Wow. What an absolute tosser! 🤣

This is the precursor of modern men who carry feminist literature around on show to try and get laid

the misunderstood sensitive types

ExH has a highly inflated opinion of himself and believes he is some sort of intellectual. He is also intensely competitive.

We were watching a story on the news about the middle east. They mentioned a town and I said “oh that’s where Rameses II defeated the Hittites”. Not wanting to sound like a wanker myself I immediately qualified this with “I only know that as I was watching a program about it yesterday”.

I thought no more of it until several days later when he triumphantly announced to me that he had been researching the aforementioned battle for the previous few days and that it was not certain at all that Rameses II had been victorious and therefore I was wrong!

yeah, no one cares mate 🙄

I’ve just thought up a new definition for these ex’s………Wankspanners!

I have a fb one

We where at home one day and a small cat wandered into our kitchen

Kids where over the moon and wanted to keep it (i said no as kitty must have as good home already)

It finally wandered off and I put up a jokey comment on fb calling it 'cooking fat' (an old joke my father likes to tell-cooking fat/fucking cat)

Anyway,ex saw this status and hit the roof-he started to row with himself in the comments as myself and my friends where watching him slug it out in real time

It was bloody amusing watching him having this row with himself and my messenger was going mental with my mates laughing at him

Finally some poor soul who i went to school with,asked what he thought he was doing?

He sprang into the insults against this person (who must have been confused) and ended it by saying 'my mum will have you and she'll have della too!' before unfriending himself (ex is 8 stone wet through and school friend is a body builder)

About 6 weeks later,wed gone to his hometown a few miles away from where we live to see the local fair that happens every year

We turned a corner and there he was,walking towards us with his sister

He immediately started with the 'my mum is going to batter you!' before running away,leaving his sister standing there,looking even more confused

This was 15 years ago-im still waiting

He was in his 4 months from turning 40 at the time

An ex got into a rage in the Co-op at having to queue to pay for longer than he was happy with- as a result he threw his shopping on the floor at the checkout and stropped out huffing. A manager saw what he'd done and took him to task, telling him to pick the stuff up but he refused, like a spoilt brat. I wasn't with him thank God.

Not wanky in the sense of trying to show off, but wanky nonetheless.

I hosted a celebration for our child's First Communion, which was postponed due to covid. Restrictions in place in church, very limited guests. So my family, who live 200+ miles away, didn't come.

I spent around £150 on food and catered for all XH's family (they live locally, so could easily just meet us at mine for a meal afterwards). About 15 of us in total. XH said he'd bring drinks. I only had one glass of wine as I didn't trust myself to be polite to him if I had more. He'd brought 6 bottles. A few people were driving, so not much was drunk and there were some left. I thought I'd have a glass after they all left.

XH took the spare bottles outside and hid them in a bush in my front garden. DC told me later that ex-FIL had paid for the wine, so it was even really XH's.

I happened to see him hide it when I went to the front room for something, and then I also saw him pick it out of the bush as he left, because I was in the doorway waving goodbye to everyone. He waited for all his family to go ahead of him, so none of them saw. So he knew it was a petty thing to do!

He also assisted his sister in packing up more than half the leftover desserts to take home when I asked if anyone wanted a slice of anything. So he was happy to take from me!

He was actually quite nice to me that day, and I thought perhaps he did appreciate the huge effort I'd gone to to cater for 15 people. He made a bit of a show of saying goodbye and even hugged me and thanked me for putting on a nice meal. As it was not 10 minutes since I'd seen him stash the wine in the bush, I said through gritted teeth "you could have left me a bottle of wine then".

Kind of hope the scenario rings a bell with ex-SIL (ex-BIL's wife) and she recognises this as XH. Pretty sure she's a Mumsnetter.

Also my ex! Now busks in Australia with dreads (he's white) as if that's his job. Plays the bongos and closes his eyes to sing. So cringe. How do I know? Mutual friends and YouTube.

Actually saw him at a mutual friend's wedding when I was with DH. DH was like 'HIM????!!!!" He had been worried about attending a wedding and meeting my ex. Once he did he had zero worries 😂 He was wearing hippie woven gear (to a wedding!) and sandals (I promise I'm not making this up). His new girlfriend was pretty but had zero sense of humour and that had been one of his most attractive features. Wankers take themselves FAR too seriously!!

This is amazing.

😂😂😂

Left me for a teenage girl then bragged about it.
She cheated on him with his cousin 🤣

I joined Twitter/X and somehow got banned without even making a post...

Mine broke in and stole the kids bed/cot

He hadn't paid a penny for them but they where 'his' according to him

He also stole my bedding so we couldnt co-sleep until I got another bed/cot

I'd love to have seen his face when the police went round and made him give them back-he tried to give me his manky and filthy,nicotine stained double bed instead of the clean single one id bought 3 weeks earlier

He's still squawking about how unreasonable i was for ringing the police and his mum backed him up!

Saying that,the dirty bastard wanked over dds new jeans and tried to tell me id done it to 'get me into trouble'

God these men are awful. Mine tried to take the TV as our toddler was watching it, because his mum gave it us 🤦‍♀️ Not my finest moment but I wrestled it off him on the drive 😅 He came back for the washer his mum had handed down to us, despite him moving in with his mum!

Mine lost his parental rights too, he hasn’t seen DD in 18 years now and still bangs on about how he was hard done by. It still makes me laugh to think of him in that suit though 🤣

Moan at me the electric bill was an extra tenner because I had been using a plug in radiator in the room his daughter slept in. House had no central heating and was freezing over winter. Of course it was my fault. He went to watch our local football team play an away game and blew over £100. But that was okay because he earned it. 🙄🤔This was later 90’s so money went a lot further then.

You'd think so, but I have no "proof" (I'm 100% sure it has happened going by SM). It's not a crime unless he marries here, tries to register it here etc. I don't know his current location. And something that never fails to amaze me is that authorities don't seem all that much bothered - also by the fact that he's evading maintenance!

You win. Speechless.

I dated a bloke around the time my lovely dad was losing his battle. Said bloke had also lost his dad. I promise this gets better!

He started to be very annoying (and struggled in the bedroom department) so I requested space. This prince of men sent me a ‘sorry to do this over text’ message two days before my father’s funeral. When I didn’t response he went on a very heavy self promotional tour to mutual friends to advertise his upcoming marathon - in memory of his own father! Ye gods.

the silver lining is that my mum took one look at his fundraising page, complete with photo, and sniped ‘I hope he gets a fucking blister. And his dad had far more hair!’

mr marathon impregnated his ‘friend’ from our joint athletics club 6 months later. They had twins and he’s now… very bald.

Whereas, wherever you happen to be in the country, everybody will laugh when you tell them this story!

Well mine called me to say he'd decided to drop out of uni (with 2 terms to go before completion) in order to start a Romanian restaurant (with no experience at all in catering or hospitality) with his friend who he'd recently been arrested with for coke possession. I think his sister shook some sense into him in the end and he did complete his degree and hasn't started a restaurant.

Honestly, he's not a terrible person, just an idiot and every time I hear from him I think "thank fuck he's not my problem anymore." Although, the thing I loved about him is he's so full of optimism at all times that he comes up with these dreams in his head and is so wholeheartedly enthusiastic about them, regardless of the implausibility!