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What is the wankiest thing you’ve seen your ex do?

257 replies

Magpiesinthegarden · Today 13:51

That made you think - what a knob! And that you are well rid of them!

lighthearted thread -

I’ll go first -

Recently my ex changed his profile picture to this wanky AI generated image of him in the middle with a halo and two angels either side… he actually gave himself a halo 🤣 What a knobhead! Like he was Jesus 😳(He was a massive narcissist. My ex. Not Jesus)

What are the wankiest things your ex has ever done?

OP posts:
Twinklewonderkins · Today 17:58

My twins dad sent one of them a birthday card when they were about 12 and got her name wrong on it. (Not this name but think Susan/Suzanne).
when she pointed it out he said it was because he had a broken arm at the time…

CryptoFascist · Today 18:03

Delladuck · Today 17:45

Mine broke in and stole the kids bed/cot

He hadn't paid a penny for them but they where 'his' according to him

He also stole my bedding so we couldnt co-sleep until I got another bed/cot

I'd love to have seen his face when the police went round and made him give them back-he tried to give me his manky and filthy,nicotine stained double bed instead of the clean single one id bought 3 weeks earlier

He's still squawking about how unreasonable i was for ringing the police and his mum backed him up!

Saying that,the dirty bastard wanked over dds new jeans and tried to tell me id done it to 'get me into trouble'

WHAT. THE. FUCK.

Did you report him for the last part? That is sexual abuse.

liamharha · Today 18:03

Told me he couldnt make the midwife appointment for our child cos he was shopping with his girlfriend /mistress 😭.
Drove past me in his second hand sports car with said girlfriend whilst I was in labour and on route to the maternity hospital 😭😭

Talith · Today 18:10

Not sure it counts and not me but a friend's ex was seen frantically decorating the house when he thought he would get it in the divorce... in the end he didn't (by agreement as it happened) but the irony was he hadn't lifted a finger to decorate or fix anything in the previous 25+ years. On the plus side my friend ended up with a freshly decorated house to start again in.

DancingAtLunacy · Today 18:11

worklifenpromotion · Today 16:03

I agreed to swing by my new boyfriend's (of a few weeks) house to make sure someone was home for his daughter's drop off. The usual timings had changed as his ex-wife had a flight to catch, and while I didn't know his daughter well, I was happy to help. I was only expected to be there half an hour or so, and the ex-wife was clear she was only happy with the situation because it was a quick stopgap until he arrived from his work, and then I would be leaving for my evening shift anyway.

What I didn't know is that at short notice, he got invited to an overnight thing that was a bit of a once-in-a-lifetime type of event, so he decided to operate on the principle of don't ask permission, ask forgiveness - and without saying a word, he left for the event straight from work.

He knew I would be trapped for the weekend, looking after some random child who was way too young to be left on her own & and I would likely lose my job - but he did it anyway.

I still get the absolute rage thinking about that man.

Edited

This is SO shocking, that poor kid

SunshineOnIslington · Today 18:12

@Sesame2011 I think my ex was completely responsible for the spread of Covid around my town the way he was putting it about behind my back...

Not that I can forgot him because he comes into the pub I work in every Saturday without fail, orders a pint from me, and pretends that he has no idea who I am and that he's never seen me in his life before. I can't react the way I want to as I don't fancy getting sacked but if I ever decide to leave...

Youdontseehow · Today 18:14

Have a wank. Sorry - just my sense of humour.

Take a horrible woven fruit bowl thing that he bought when we were on holiday abroad as it was “his”. Cost maybe 2 euro.

I only noticed cos there was fruit on the kitchen floor when I got home lol. He literally flipped the fruit out and took the bowl.

MarjorieWestriding · Today 18:14

This is a long ago ex, over 40 years ago. After I finished with him he started seeing a friend of mine, though I didn't know this because I'd moved to another area. When she finished with him, he started stalking her, hanging around outside her flat late and night and sending her disturbing letters. We happened to meet up one day when I was visiting the area and went to her flat where she showed me the letters and they were chilling. In the end she had to get the police onto him. That's the last I heard of the man, that he had to be warned by police to stop harassing a woman.

NiftyGreenBiscuit · Today 18:18

ChasingRainbow5 · Today 14:27

I made chilli for dinner. I gave him a bit more rice than I gave myself, as I’d always give him more carbs. He felt I’d short changed him on the chilli, despite there being loads more in the pot which he was welcome to have.

After a ridiculous argument in which I calmly pointed this out, he went over to the kitchen counter to - I thought - top up his portion.

No.

No no.

He got the scales out of a drawer and, in the most pointless act of passive aggression I’ve ever seen, silently WEIGHED HIS DINNER.

As the whole stupid farcical argument was about the chilli to rice ratio and not the overall amount in the bowl, I completely ignored him.

Years later one of my friends will occasionally sigh and say “he weighed his dinner” with a wry little smile.

🤣🤣🤣

liamharha · Today 18:18

Told our 14 year old daughter he had a new daughter now so didn't need to see her

DierdreDaphne · Today 18:19

SpidersAreShitheads · Today 14:40

I was on relatively friendly terms with my ex, so when his DM got diagnosed with cancer I was happy to provide support over messages. (We’d been on-off for several years but I’d never met her).

One day he said he was taking his DM to the hospital for cancer treatment and would be there a while. He asked if I’d come and meet him there and give him a blow job to “cheer him up” while he was waiting.

Strangely, I refused. He thought I was most unreasonable. I also severed contact with him. Fucking ick, ick, ick.

Oh my GOD 😭😭🤢

AInightingale · Today 18:19

Was too busy spending time with his new girlfriend to see the kids. After a six- week silence he finally got in touch to tell me his father had bowel cancer and was on his deathbed.
A week later a bus stopped beside me and the father and mother jumped off it. He never had cancer of any description and is still alive four years later.

Noidea2026 · Today 18:25

Magpiesinthegarden · Today 13:51

That made you think - what a knob! And that you are well rid of them!

lighthearted thread -

I’ll go first -

Recently my ex changed his profile picture to this wanky AI generated image of him in the middle with a halo and two angels either side… he actually gave himself a halo 🤣 What a knobhead! Like he was Jesus 😳(He was a massive narcissist. My ex. Not Jesus)

What are the wankiest things your ex has ever done?

I love this 🤣

got a hair transplant when our daughter was a newborn, because his friend joked he was losing his hair (he wasn’t) we didn’t have a pot to piss in but ok. Then wore a hat !!! After spending all that money on the procedure and the hormone treatment after. I’d realised before that point I was done

if that’s not bad enough he had another one , about 6 months ago , still wears a hat 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Delladuck · Today 18:26

CryptoFascist · Today 18:03

WHAT. THE. FUCK.

Did you report him for the last part? That is sexual abuse.

Yes but the police didnt want to know

Dd was two years old and the courts ordered me to allow contact for 3 hours every other Saturday

I'd saved and saved (as i was a skint single parent but fell in love with them) to buy her the most adorable bootcut jeans that had the sweetest embroidery along the bottom (I think I bought them in woolworths,the ladybird range)

She wanted to wear them with her lion king jumper and he changed her into a shabby,dirty and torn pair so his niece could have them

When I hit the roof and insisted on having them back,he went home,came back within 20 minutes and handed them over all screwed up

I unscrewed them to find his 'juice' all over them

The police and courts told me there was nothing they could do as I couldn't prove it was his (photos and his smirking ugly face meant nothing)

He went to prison a few months later for drug dealing

His mother stuck up for the dirty bastard and claims I put it there to 'frame him'

pinkyredrose · Today 18:28

Delladuck · Today 16:13

My ex left me with two small kids and refused to pay anything for them 'as you'll only spend it on yourself'

The csa where worse than useless

Not long after,he fell into the world of drugs and became a dealer

It was cringy to watch him flash £10k in cash while I was scraping loose change to buy nappies

Silly prat changed his pin number to the kids birthdays (so let's say their birthdays where 10/1/1998 and 20/2/2000,his pin was 1020)

Silly prat had their names and dates of birth tattooed on his arm and mentioned to his friends that his kids birthdays where his pin numbers

'Unfortunately' (for him) these people saw him for the pillock he is,stole his card and used his pin to spend all his ill gotten gains

Bank refused to refund him as his pin was literally tattooed on his arm (which he proudly pointed out) and the dealers where not best happy with him (hes not the brightest,he would take cheques from people for the drugs)

Around this time,flatscreen tvs where becoming a thing,along with dvd players

I couldn't afford a loaf of bread,which he knew but my father played a blinder

He knew ex couldn't bear to not have the latest 'thing' if someone else had something,he wouldn't rest until he had it too (ex also knows my father is genuinely loaded)

My father happened to bump into him in the street and mentioned that not only had he bought 'one of those new tv's and dvd players,ive bought one for every room in the house' (Utter bollocks,my father doesn't spend money)

Ex saw red and rushed out to buy himself 3/4 tvs and dvd players (at this point the players where about £400/500 each and the tvs about a grand

A few weeks later,my father let slip to a friend of ex that he was upgrading my mothers car to one that cost 100,000k and a posh motorbike for himself and that they where going away on a 5* holiday,knowing it would get back to ex but ex was too thick and greedy to actually check-he just heard of someone having something he didnt and would rush to buy it

It worked,ex upgraded-this went on for months-my father claiming he'd bought something for cash and ex running out to buy it for real on credit

Everything from underpants to doing up a house he rented,you name it,my father claimed he'd bought it and ex fell over himself to do the same

Was a good day when he went bankrupt about a year later and within a few months after that,he went to prison for the drug dealing

He still blames my father for him going bankrupt and its nothing to do with his own greed

Your father is minted but you couldn't afford bread? Did he not help you out?

Glad the plan worked though.

auserna · Today 18:28

QuietlyWonderful · Today 17:57

Whereas, wherever you happen to be in the country, everybody will laugh when you tell them this story!

Haha - yes, very true! And, as you can probably tell, I have retold it many times. Tosser.

LadyWhistledownsSocietyPapers · Today 18:28

ThePlantPotter · Today 14:21

When I broke up with him he tried to make me jealous by showing me a photo of his new girlfriend. It was a photo of Jennifer Lopez 😂.

This is hilarious!

Neveragainplease · Today 18:30

Roomonthe3rdfloor · Today 14:00

Exist

Mine persists in this behaviour

CharlottePotatoes · Today 18:33

Asked him to bring something to cut the cake at our child’s birthday party. Like a normal human he brought an entire wrap of brand new chef’s knives and spread them all out in front of everyone 🙄 he’s not a chef.

Dawnintheageofaquariams · Today 18:34

He was 31 when we split up.
Within weeks dating a 19yr old student hairdresser.
Got a massive arm tattoo, and eyebrow piercing.
Walked into a bar with the poor girl whilst I was with a friend.
Friend fell off chair laughing, actually, not metaphorically, as he looked like that Friends episode where Joey tries to play a teenager.
That was the moment I knew I was alright.
His new relationship didn't last.

Notthisagainyouidiot · Today 18:37

My ex described things as his, never ours. I knew he did it a bit but not to the extent he was doing it.
So his business, his vehicle, his property.
All mine and we weren't married.

Arlanymor · Today 18:38

AInightingale · Today 18:19

Was too busy spending time with his new girlfriend to see the kids. After a six- week silence he finally got in touch to tell me his father had bowel cancer and was on his deathbed.
A week later a bus stopped beside me and the father and mother jumped off it. He never had cancer of any description and is still alive four years later.

Oh you've reminded me. When I was married I had a wreath delivered to my home. My BIL had told his work that his brother (my H) had died because he had used up all of his holiday and he wanted to go away with his new squeeze...

And that was just my BIL, my ex himself was also a stunning piece of work!

WotsitsMadeIn1927 · Today 18:39

ChasingRainbow5 · Today 14:27

I made chilli for dinner. I gave him a bit more rice than I gave myself, as I’d always give him more carbs. He felt I’d short changed him on the chilli, despite there being loads more in the pot which he was welcome to have.

After a ridiculous argument in which I calmly pointed this out, he went over to the kitchen counter to - I thought - top up his portion.

No.

No no.

He got the scales out of a drawer and, in the most pointless act of passive aggression I’ve ever seen, silently WEIGHED HIS DINNER.

As the whole stupid farcical argument was about the chilli to rice ratio and not the overall amount in the bowl, I completely ignored him.

Years later one of my friends will occasionally sigh and say “he weighed his dinner” with a wry little smile.

The last paragraph of your comment….. had me LOL 😂

Kevinbaconsrealwife · Today 18:43

vanessashanessa99 · Today 17:07

This was years ago but he learned pretty quickly I don't stand for that behaviour (we was both 19 at the time)
A little old lady who lived three doors away from us stood at bus stop in town in the pouring rain with 4 shopping bags. I said "aww let me stop and pick Beryl (not her name) up" and he said "bus will be here soon fk her". I said a few choice words & made him get out and get the bus home. Dropped her home. Unpacked her shopping made her a cup of tea.
He appeared about 40mins later piss wet through.

Massive respect to you for that x

Yorkshirelass04 · Today 18:46

Showed up on my doorstep with a new haircut and designer cardigan to see if I wanted to talk about getting back together. When I wasn't interested, he took the opportunity to point out the designer brand of the cardigan. Yes very nice dear.

Same person borrowed money from me to pay rent (£600). Said that as we weren't going out anymore he wasn't giving any of it back. 6 months later he thought it was funny to start to send me £0.01p each month. Still no thank you.