What is the wankiest thing you’ve seen your ex do?

[Magpiesinthegarden]

That made you think - what a knob! And that you are well rid of them!

lighthearted thread -

I’ll go first -

Recently my ex changed his profile picture to this wanky AI generated image of him in the middle with a halo and two angels either side… he actually gave himself a halo 🤣 What a knobhead! Like he was Jesus 😳(He was a massive narcissist. My ex. Not Jesus)

What are the wankiest things your ex has ever done?

😂 yep...for sure!

This has been my favourite thread in ages. I have treated myself to a few pages each day. My ex was so cross when I left him (toxic relationship in my opinion) that he said I'd struggle to find anyone who would stay with me as I would 'lose my looks in six years'. It's been seven years now and I think I still look pretty good (and I did find someone who liked me enough to stay!).

Friend 2: they’d been married for years with two kids under ten. He left her out of the blue, taking one small bag of clothes with him, and she was shell-shocked and very depressed.
Two weeks later, he called her and said he’d made a mistake and that he was coming home. She was thrilled and SO relieved.
The day after he came home, they sat down to sort out finances. She left him logged into all the bank accounts and went out with the kids for a couple of hours. When she came back, he’d emptied their accounts and the kids’ savings accounts, cleared out his wardrobe and taken all the cash and portable electronics.
He hid all his money during the divorce and she obviously couldn’t afford a good finance person to find it. Twenty years later she’s still dealing with the financial repercussions: she’s 63 and working two jobs, he’s living mortgage free in a five bed house.

This is awful.

I believe in hell. I sincerely hope he gets an extra hot seat for this.

The Monopoly one reminded me of my ex who was losing badly one Christmas and suddenly flipped the entire board in a rage. I should have left him then and there but he convinced me it was more aggressive than he had intended because he had had more drinks than usual (which very soon became the usual amount of drink...)

A bit similar to the Monopoly one.
An ex of mine was always giving reasons as to why his A level results did not show his true intellect and it meant he had to attend a sub-standard Uni and was constantly telling the lectures how to do their job.
His LinkedIn bio was mostly a work of fiction.
His sister worked in IT. Very competent and low-key.
He was obsessed that he should join MENSA.
In the end his sister set something up in his lounge - I can’t remember the details - where the pair of them would sit a MENSA type test so he could prove his point, that he was far more intelligent than her.
You can imagine the next bit.
They both did the test on their own laptops at the same time and the results came back at the same time. She would have been welcomed by MENSA. He would not have been.
He accused her of rigging the test, of fiddling with his laptop and then he actually says to his mum, she looked at mine she was cheating.
He then upended the table and stormed out. Of his own house.
I have never met anyone with delusions of grandeur like it.

Gives his jumpers to his mum to wash as apparently she washes them better 🙄

B@stard! I hope you told him he'd already lost his! (looks) .....and as if he thought it was all about that anyway 🙄
Yep - he sounds truly toxic!
I'm glad you're happy now :) :)

There are some harrowing recollections on this thread

But just for general surrealism I was torn between Shaman dad under tree his teenager has to walk past to go to school
And Narc emotional goldfish

But then gold car in Preston enters the fray!

The only way you can "own" having a gold car is the way Theo Thingy did on Top Gear, he was on with Peter Very Tall, both from Dragons Den. They got the same car (Maybachs if memory serves) and Theo said he didnt want boring black so he got his in (his words) "Jewish Racing Gold" which was absolutely hilarious, very self aware and self deprecating!

Just remembered another. Visiting my parents with my boyfriend at the time (parents lived around 250 miles away). He supported Man U who were on a winning streak at the time. They lost the Saturday afternoon match so he went to bed and refused to get up for dinner. I was absolutely mortified.

Hahaha! As it happens no, his name is Gareth. But they all come off the same production line - polished thugs, the lot of them. He went on to have a Very Top Job in politics.

Twenty years later, I happened to mention his habits to an editor of the Economist, who I met at a conference. My, that karma tasted delicious.

Out of interest, where did Charlie end up?

Knobhead

My ex (last man I ever dated, as previously mentioned) had a drink problem, which became the instigator in me leaving albeit I tried to help him with it for a LONG time before AND after we split up. I hadn't noticed it, I think because I was young and we would go out drinking a fair bit, or for dinner and drinks like was fairly normal back then. I didn't realise he was doing it all the time, when we didn't see one another, after we'd got in once I was asleep, and eventually all day and lost his job due to it. Aaaanyway........

One day I came home from work and he was as was fairly usual, asleep on the sofa in a stupour. He had undone his jeans and his manhood was sticking out. Again, unfortunately normal.

But I looked, because his (sizeable) knob looked like a tomato sausage. It was bright red like the colour of chilli sauce. I couldn't figure it out. Later on when I woke up he explained that his jeans had felt too tight and he'd undone them for that reason. Odd but fair.

A few days later he was doing the previously mentioned thing of 'bobbing along' naked apart from his dressing gown sans belt, and the contrast of his white beer belly/legs against his knob was stark. It was still bright red.

I had to ask him again.. 'Ex, why is your knob the colour of a ripe tomato?!' and he admitted that he'd ran out of lubricant so had decided to 'jerk off' with antibacterial soap as it was the nearest liquid to him at the time.

Would've been good if he'd have used it on the rest of him or in fact, ANY soap at all, more regularly.

It took a good few days for the redness to go.

Think this one is literally the “wankiest” 😂

I actually saw a god car on Monday - well, a gold-coloured car, but definitely gold. I thought it was pretty wanky, to be honest.

When ds3 was little, he once told me he intended to be rich enough to have house built of god bricks. I did point out that every ne-er do well in the county would be dropping by to chip bits off.

Sent me a 'happy anniversary to the 1st Mrs W' text 5 years after we were divorced even though he never remembered our anniversary when we were actually married!

Remembered another. Most recent ex and I had planned a holiday. About 2 weeks after we broke up he took the woman he "definitely wasn't cheating" on me with on that same holiday, took photos for all to see. Needless to say his friends realised I hadn't been "imagining things".

😂

The board flipping was a regular occurrence in our house when we were kids. My siblings and I would start a board game. It always started well, then someone accused someone else of cheating, it went downhill very rapidly and always ended up with the board and the pieces all over the floor and my mother ranting and raving at us 🤣🤣

It should be written into Monopoly rules that "The game ends when one player has bankrupted all other players, or one player forfeits the game by upending the board, thus declaring all other players joint winners."!

Ha ha ...yes this exact same thing happened at ours on a regular basis (4 kids)...my poor mum 🤦🏻‍♀️

I absolutely love this thread 🤣 definitely needs to go into Classics! The chewed table mats fully did me, it’s been days and I’m still laughing 😂
I’ve name changed for my contribution as it’s pretty outing. A few days after exh and I had the official ‘we’re definitely getting divorced’ conversation, our then-3yo was diagnosed with leukaemia. She (and therefore I) spent weeks in hospital, which was already very difficult compounded by much bad feeling between exh and I.
So fast forward, she’d been home for a couple of days, I was organising to move out with the kids, we were still living together in the meantime, she was very poorly, the other kids were pretty traumatised, it was all horrible. Youngest was on intensive chemo so had all kinds of weird food aversions & cravings and would only eat a few things. She’d asked for something specific one evening; exh and I lived v rurally at the time so the nearest shop was about a half hour drive away. He was going out to collect a takeaway for his dinner (no one else got one obviously). I asked him to pop in to the supermarket (next door to the takeaway) and collect this food that youngest had asked for - she wasn't up to being hauled out to shops at that point. He refused because “I don’t want my food to get cold”. So I waited with an extremely sick, hungry toddler for him to get back with his own dinner so that I could do the nearly hour long round trip to get hers.
There were so so many other instances of wankery, but that stands out as one of the top contenders! To be so petty that he’d throw his seriously ill 3yo under the bus for the sake of making my life a bit harder 🤦‍♀️ on the plus side it cemented for me that it was 100% the right decision to leave.

@WankiestExTales that is SHOCKING. Fucking hell he should be moving heaven and earth to make his babies life easier. What an absolute evil bastard

That's nothing. I knew a guy who referred to his as "Big Hoss".

(It wasn't)

What an absolute CUNT! I hope he lives the rest of of his life with an insanely itchy anus.