What is the wankiest thing you’ve seen your ex do?

[Magpiesinthegarden]

That made you think - what a knob! And that you are well rid of them!

lighthearted thread -

I’ll go first -

Recently my ex changed his profile picture to this wanky AI generated image of him in the middle with a halo and two angels either side… he actually gave himself a halo 🤣 What a knobhead! Like he was Jesus 😳(He was a massive narcissist. My ex. Not Jesus)

What are the wankiest things your ex has ever done?

@Bloozie hahahha hyperthermic Queen Mother! Excellent 😂

A pervy hobbit omfg. That's classic.

Mine is so tame compared, but my second ever boyfriend, god he was weird. He told me he’d had As in his GCSEs and was doing maths and something else clever in college. Turned out he had Cs and Ds and absolutely no friends.

He would argue with me at my house, and one night he rang from a phone box (this was 27 years ago!) and he said “I’ve left a little surprise for you, under your pillow” in a really over the top sinister voice like he was doing a voice over for a horror film. He’d ripped up all my photos of us and left them under my pillow. I called my friend sobbing and she drove me to Tesco for a massive bar of dairy milk to cheer me up. It did take me another 2 months to dump him and after that he stalked me for months, even knocking on the door of the boy I started seeing, asking if he could let me go so he could ask me out again 😂 SW you are a fucking massive TOOL

All of them!!

Mine always parks in the visitor spaces next door to the head teacher at school events. I guess technically he is visiting but there are only 3 spaces and ALL the other parents park at the back car parks. He definitely sees himself as special and inside I cringe!

If I think about it, he actually looked more like Princess Margaret. Even down to the hair colour and facial features.

Anyway we broke up the day after and while it was nothing to do with him being insufferably pretentious and perfectly ridiculous - the image of him huddling himself together against the snow and wind with his silky headscarf on DID help soften the blow.

This is GOLD

I'd have asked if he forgot to pay the electricity bill!

He is very lucky to have you Helena. You're a great person.

Mine hadn't seen Ds since he was 5 month, Just stopped hearing from him, One day out of the blue, our mutual friend messaged me saying he'd reached out to her and wanted to see DS (now 2 yrs old).
I told her that was fine but I didn't want to be anywhere near him, so I arranged for my mom to pick DS up from the childminders and meet him at a soft play place so he could see him.
He messaged my friend back and told her that was gonna be too late and he had something to do so he'd have to see him another time.
Apparently he must have been very busy since then because DS is about to b 4 and still hasn't set eyes on him.

Shame we can't have a pervy hobbit emoji!

shagging his ex wife whilst I was minding their two kids

Had to check his postcode for a form. The listing for his house popped up so I had a snoop. Weight bench and stationery bike in the sitting room, anti-aging red light box in the bedroom, pop up sauna in the garden. He’s 57.

Has his Mum do ALL HIS WASHING!!!! Apparently its because his washing machine is broken..... get a new one! And also this has been going on for years.

This is not at all the wankiest thing he did, but sticks in my mind.

We were running for the bus back when you could just jump on the open back last minute. We made it on just in time, he rushed to the very last seat and took it. Left me standing up like a lemon. What a gentleman.

Knobhead

Another great term 'penismobile' :)

2 things spring to mind -

The 1st ,about 6 months after we split, the kids were with me as my weekend (they were about 13 and 15 at the time) I was taken to hospital as became quite unwell . NO family lived nearby . My brother was closest (30 miles away with toddler and young baby )
Ex was away with friends at the time and refused to come home to be with the kids overnight (I was kept in hospital) - a friend had them instead. He sent his parents to be with the kids the next evening, by which point I was out of hospital !

The second , I have seen him on dating apps and he claims to be physically active !!!!!!
This is the same guy who circles a car park for 15 minutes in search of a space close to the supermarket !

TBF, we barely have to contact each other now. I borrow the odd power tool (not a euphamism ) and we remain civil for the kids (both adults now)

Not mines but, I once overheard a man in whilst queuing in Poundland, telling his son remember that the ball he was holding was from Daddy and that his mommy hadn't paid him back the £5 he paid for the last ball he bought. The child looked about 3/4 years old. Turned my stomach, just hope she knows she's lucky to be rid of him.

744 replies! That is a lot of wanky exes!

My ex (while we were going out) used to read The Economist during sex. Described women as "receptacles". Mocked me endlessly for having gone to state school and for not doing PPE, like him.

Absolute, stone-cold wanker. Sad thing is that his type run our country.

That reminds me of 'Star Wars kid' 😂

Too many to mention, but a particularly standout one involved registering himself as a French national at the town hall of the Italian city we moved to. Despite having dual Italian/French citizenship (born and raised in France though).

Many years later, he realised, for some reason, it may be beneficial to him to actually admit to being Italian and, according to DD, stormed into the town hall all guns blazing and demanded that he be registered there as Italian and insisting they had made a mistake and it was all their fault etc - his usual aggressive testerical mantrumming and intimidation of those the inadequate prick believed to be ‘beneath’ him. Thankfully I’d already left him by this point.

After they eventually did as he’d demanded, the guardia di finanzia (finance police) became involved, and wanted to know ALL his financial records for all the years he’d been living in France, Switzerland, UK and Italy. He was absolutely tearing his hair out trying to comply with providing all this paperwork (presumably to prove he wasn’t some kind of dodgy cross-border mafioso) and stressing that he might have to pay additional taxes.😂

That poor little kid. Not that he'd remember it at 3/4 but he'll likely have that 'message' repeated verbatim all his young life by wanker dad. Sad.

One ex I had, we were both 20, he was incredibly vain, was very good looking but boy did he know it 😬 I was doing some volunteer work one evening and he phoned me just before I left, accusing me of seeing someone else and said 'if you're not two timing me, prove it by driving to me now so I can see you're in your volunteer kit'. So stupid me did what he asked. I pulled up outside his parents home, he came to the door all dressed up for a night out and promptly said 'yeah ok I believe you' and sped off on his motorbike to meet his 'mates'.

a week later again accused me of seeing another bloke but during the argument I noticed something wasn't right with all my motorbike gear I left at his parents, it was all messed up...checked it all over...really long blonde hair left in the helmet and a thong stuffed into the jacket pocket. Seems the previous time he'd accused me, when I drove to his to prove I was volunteering, he'd gone out with his ex gfriend on his motorbike and he'd taken all my motorbike gear with him so she could wear it. Fucker. That stuff cost me a fortune!! Dumped there and then.

I've no idea why i stayed with him for so long because he'd lost his temper whilst I was driving him in my car and he punched the windscreen from the inside of the car and it shattered everywhere. He was a grade A wanker.

I have to say I got a good laugh out of this one. Your dad is a legend 😆😆