First meal out with son’s wife’s parents and they let us pick up the whole bill.

[50sandFabulous]

What would you make of this? Son got married recently. Obviously, we have met his parents. However, we have never been out with them before.

The other day we met for lunch, there were six of us there in total. I had said to my husband that we should pay for the whole thing just as a nice gesture.

We went up to the bar at some point and paid for the whole tab. No one knew that we had done this.

When it was time to leave, everybody just left the restaurant and absolutely nobody queried about the bill. Is this not a bit mad?

So basically, we have paid for everybody (which we were always going to do), but there has been no acknowledgement from anybody about the fact that the bill has been paid and absolutely no thank you. I just find this really really weird!

I was expecting somebody to say, oh we need to get the bill, and then I would have said don’t worry it’s covered, but that did not happen!

Not really coordinating. If I can't get staff attention I go to the bar to pay my own bill, just quicker. It's not a pre-planned mission.

The weird thing is that no one else, including the son and his wife, attempted to pay for their own meals. Didn't even ask who paid, just left.

Some people would would be happy to see it as a cost saving to them. Maybe the in laws do see it that way. There are other possibilities too. Someone who has never been hard up, will never see it from the veiw of proud but skint people.

Maybe after the grand gestures OP made towards paying for half the wedding, while they couldn't afford to, they had had their fill of generosity and feeling lesser.

Maybe after the wedding splurge, they themselves wanted the chance to say they will pay when the bill come. But by the time OP DH come back and everyone got up to leave they saw it was too late for that.

They may have only budgeted to pay their own meals on credit card and chose their food & drinks accordingly, so when OP paid, they couldn't then do the dance of what do I owe as no cash to pay or transfer.

They may not too skint to say we will pay next time, as they can't afford to keep up with OP and pay for 6 meals and drinks, that they can't control how high the bill ends up.

All this may have put them in a spin where they didn't know what to say, so avoided the subject to avoid the awkwardness.

Yes they should have said thanks. This may be down to them being grabby or ungrateful. Or they may have just got in a panic from the above.

Another possibility is that the newly wed couple invited them to the meal and they had said it would be their treat before hand, to thank both sets of parents for any help in the wedding, and so the in laws thanked them before hand, and possibility thanked again for the lovely day.

Wow this is insane!! Did you all sit there in awkward silence for that hour? Are you hugely more wealthy than them?

That does seem a bit odd. I'd normally expect at least a conversation about the bill before everyone leaves! Maybe they assumed it had been arranged in advance, but I'd still have expected a thank you.

I think OP lives in a fantasy world. She's been asked about her son's part in it but doesn't answer. We're all trying to understand what's what & all she does is talk about what she's paid for. It sounds like none of them talk to each other & OP & DH go riund paying fir stuff.

No comments about DIL or her parents except they sat & ate food that OP paid for then they all went home.

Bonkers

@50sandFabulous I've had this. More acquaintances than friends (I had written more but it's too outing).

DH paid whenever we went out. You'd have to ask him why. The day I decided I had absolutely had enough we'd been to the local gastropub. Four adults and four kids. Lots of drink (walking distance). DH paid. They got up from the table and did not even mention the fact that the food and alcohol for the four of them was not free. Not even a whisper of "cheers mate". Nothing. It was the umpteenth time they'd done it.

They continued to take the piss for the rest of the day (over staying their leave at our place and so on but that is another story).

From then on I just thought "I cannot do this anymore".

This is just to let you know that there are people out there like that and you might find that your daughter in law's parents are prepared to take anything you are prepared to give. God knows what people like that tell themselves. I wouldn't know because I couldn't do it. Even at my most skint my pride would not let me.

@50sandFabulous I'd keep socialising with them to a minimum. If you do see them again, at the end of the meal next time I'd sit it out and see whether they make any kind of move to ask for the bill or pay. It might be excruciating, but it will be the only way you will find out for sure whether or not they are as mercenary as we suspect.

Seems obvious one of them saw you. I know from what you’ve said all four of them were facing you and your DH and therefore facing away from the bar, but have you ever seen anyone turn around? It was probably like that.

It is a bit weird none of them said thank you, but (and I know you think people are as unlikely to want to pay for their own food as they are to turn in their chairs) maybe they would rather you hadn’t paid without discussing it and didn’t want to thank you.

I couldn’t find the quote telling you that you aren’t coming across as very nice, blah blah blah…

And you you answer them by saying, *Oh fuck off…”

*I LOVE that @50sandFabulous
I’m still laughing my asa off.
Well done!

These people are either extremely weird, have never been out for a meal even once or live in a henhouse.

ANY NORMAL, REGULAR PERSON would #1 at least ASK about a bill, and #2 would have the basic common decency* to THANK THEIR HOSTS!!!
Weirdos. That’s all there is to it.

The next time you see them and they - out of politeness - say “we’ll have to go out one of these days,” - jump on that and say “Great! Seeya Friday at 6 - can’t wait!!”
*Then drop the check into their lap.

I think it's your son and Dil should have paid.
It's because of them you were all out together

Don't pay for something then be pissed off just because no one mentioned it. Shows the only reason you paid was because you were fishing for praise and attention, rather than actually wanting to be kind

I agree

Its not fishing for praise to expect to be thanked surely?! Its common courtesy! To simply stand up and leave, not even giving the bill a thought is so rude is jaw dropping.

@50sandFabulous
When I first read your OP I thought how rude not to say thank you. And I still think that.

But I also wondered how the other parent's felt about your secret millionaire style generosity/stunt; embarrassed, offended, belittled, grateful?

I think it was a nice gesture to treat everyone and you should have been thanked by both of the other couples. But if it had been me I would have made it plain at the start we were going to pay, or waited for the bill and insisted on paying that way there is a clear point when people can say thank you. The way you did it there may have been no window of opportunity to say the words. (of course a window can be made by any one)

Maybe they also secretly paid? The restaurant pocketed the bill twice.

They are currently stewing about how rude OP was not to thank them, and may even start a thread on Mumsnet.

They could still have said thanks.

Learn from the experience.

It was rude of them to not thank you.

Always just pay for yourselves from now on.

Are they mega rich? Or mega poor? And mega rude..

We all know this is completely unacceptable

Of course they should offer to pay, or at least say bloody thank you.

Ffs