Best Amazon Prime Day deals: Mumsnet favourites

Best Amazon Prime Day deals:
Mumsnet favourites

Shop now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be honest in my reference letter?

248 replies

IamAporcupine · 02/06/2026 18:41

I have been asked to provide a reference letter for an employee who recently left my team. She has already been offered a new job in a completely different field. This is fortunate as her performance in her previous role was very poor; we lost time and money thanks to her lack of skills.

The form has a "would you re-employ this person?" I want to be honest and just say "No". I can explain that I believe this field of work was not for her, and that she will very likely perform well in her new job.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Jc2001 · 03/06/2026 09:11

IamAporcupine · 02/06/2026 21:52

But that's exactly what I said I wanted to say! "no, I would not employ her again, but I do believe her new role is perfect for her.

By the way, I did tell her something along those lines in our final meeting. I suggested this was probably not not a field for her. She fully agreed and said, yes I just wanted to have a final shot before changing career.

So if you think the new role is perfect for her, why fuck up her chances of getting the job (which you will). It doesn't make any sense. It makes you sound very vindictive and bitter.

Let her get on with her life and you get on with yours.

SparklyHam · 03/06/2026 09:12

Leave it blank or be honest.

Far too many organisations are so relieved to be rid of a shit employee they happily pass the problem on to someone else.

Which doesn't help the employers or the employee.

badfinger · 03/06/2026 09:38

SparklyHam · 03/06/2026 09:12

Leave it blank or be honest.

Far too many organisations are so relieved to be rid of a shit employee they happily pass the problem on to someone else.

Which doesn't help the employers or the employee.

Academia is not the same as some government organisation or private company, an office, or a shop.

Imagine if the woman is also astonishingly poor in her new role. That reflects poorly on the OP who has been shamed and pressured by this thread to tick "yes", when her honest assessment is "no, however..."

Megifer · 03/06/2026 09:41

SparklyHam · 03/06/2026 09:12

Leave it blank or be honest.

Far too many organisations are so relieved to be rid of a shit employee they happily pass the problem on to someone else.

Which doesn't help the employers or the employee.

Youre assuming employers are always correct in their assessment that someone is a poor performer when often its down to bad management and communication.

WhoDidWhatNow · 03/06/2026 09:43

badfinger · 03/06/2026 09:38

Academia is not the same as some government organisation or private company, an office, or a shop.

Imagine if the woman is also astonishingly poor in her new role. That reflects poorly on the OP who has been shamed and pressured by this thread to tick "yes", when her honest assessment is "no, however..."

We're actually trying to educate the OP so that they don't get sued for their "honest" opinion. Wanting to have the final word doesn't always equate to the win people think it is when, ultimately, it may be the courts who decide and the OP loses their job for doing something they didn't need to do.

badfinger · 03/06/2026 09:45

WhoDidWhatNow · 03/06/2026 09:43

We're actually trying to educate the OP so that they don't get sued for their "honest" opinion. Wanting to have the final word doesn't always equate to the win people think it is when, ultimately, it may be the courts who decide and the OP loses their job for doing something they didn't need to do.

Edited

What a bizarre fantasy.

WhoDidWhatNow · 03/06/2026 09:49

badfinger · 03/06/2026 09:45

What a bizarre fantasy.

You're not in management are you. We get training via HR and advised of our potential liabilities via our D&O policies. Being snarky doesn't mark you as an intellect. Try adult discourse instead of insults.

IamAporcupine · 03/06/2026 09:50

EmeraldShamrock000 · 03/06/2026 09:08

Agreed. You get the micromanaging tone from the OP.

Can I genuinely ask you where you get the micromanaging tone from?

OP posts:
badfinger · 03/06/2026 09:50

WhoDidWhatNow · 03/06/2026 09:49

You're not in management are you. We get training via HR and advised of our potential liabilities via our D&O policies. Being snarky doesn't mark you as an intellect. Try adult discourse instead of insults.

You've not worked in universities, have you.

WhoDidWhatNow · 03/06/2026 09:51

badfinger · 03/06/2026 09:50

You've not worked in universities, have you.

Don't need to to know they are still subject to civil claims which can and do arise from subjective performance references. For someone who works in a university, you seem to comment a lot with zero knowledge and no research.

SparklyHam · 03/06/2026 09:52

Megifer · 03/06/2026 09:41

Youre assuming employers are always correct in their assessment that someone is a poor performer when often its down to bad management and communication.

And sometimes it isn't and people get away with being crap because someone's always kicking the can down the road.

It is possible for people just to be shit.

badfinger · 03/06/2026 09:53

WhoDidWhatNow · 03/06/2026 09:51

Don't need to to know they are still subject to civil claims which can and do arise from subjective performance references. For someone who works in a university, you seem to comment a lot with zero knowledge and no research.

Far out. Such belligerence. Good of you to "educate" the OP, though.

WhoDidWhatNow · 03/06/2026 09:53

badfinger · 03/06/2026 09:53

Far out. Such belligerence. Good of you to "educate" the OP, though.

Always happy to assist.

Backedoffhackedoff · 03/06/2026 10:00

IamAporcupine · 03/06/2026 09:03

Could you elaborate?

Impossible to get sacked, worrying about a reference from another part of the institution after the institution hired a poor person for the second time, a poor performer just allowed to see out her contract……

Megifer · 03/06/2026 10:07

SparklyHam · 03/06/2026 09:52

And sometimes it isn't and people get away with being crap because someone's always kicking the can down the road.

It is possible for people just to be shit.

I really wouldnt spend time worrying on employers behalf, good ones identify issues with new recruits fairly quickly and deal with them effectively 😊

IamAporcupine · 03/06/2026 10:07

badfinger · 03/06/2026 09:38

Academia is not the same as some government organisation or private company, an office, or a shop.

Imagine if the woman is also astonishingly poor in her new role. That reflects poorly on the OP who has been shamed and pressured by this thread to tick "yes", when her honest assessment is "no, however..."

Thank you.
I was also concerned that, given her new role is within the same institution, HR could even get back to us and ask why we did not extend her contract.
Believe it or not, thats why we won't be able to employ someone to replace her...

But I agree, academia is a different world

OP posts:
TappyGilmore · 03/06/2026 10:13

Some of the responses here are just bizarre. It’s not “spiteful” to give a negative reference if the person’s performance justifies it, which apparently it does in this case according to OP. It’s only “spiteful” if their performance doesn’t justify it, and you’re only doing it because you don’t like them on a personal level.

SparklyHam · 03/06/2026 10:18

Megifer · 03/06/2026 10:07

I really wouldnt spend time worrying on employers behalf, good ones identify issues with new recruits fairly quickly and deal with them effectively 😊

Well that depends on what sector you work in.

In the public sector it's very hard to sack someone unless they've done something terrible. Even then, it's a long drawn-out process which often involves kicking the can down the road.

Malasana · 03/06/2026 10:18

It seems to me that the OP is in a dilemma. There’s nothing about her posts that makes me think she would be spiteful or vindictive so it’s unfair to say this. She seems to be genuinely asking a question.

I had someone on my team once that I would absolutely never hire again, not in a month of Sundays so I’m extremely glad that, where I work, references are only for HR to complete and not individual managers. I would have had the same
dilemma myself quite recently about her - in fact I believe that she’s already well on her way to failing probation in her new role unfortunately.

It’s not necessarily the fault of the person who hired a poor performer either. None of us show up for interviews displaying our worst behaviour or admit that there are huge parts of the role we won’t be able
to do. People save that for later once they’re well and truly in the post!

Megifer · 03/06/2026 10:25

SparklyHam · 03/06/2026 10:18

Well that depends on what sector you work in.

In the public sector it's very hard to sack someone unless they've done something terrible. Even then, it's a long drawn-out process which often involves kicking the can down the road.

Its not hard at all? I must have supported 20+ dismissal in the public sector within probation due to poor performance Confused

WhoDidWhatNow · 03/06/2026 10:28

IamAporcupine · 02/06/2026 18:41

I have been asked to provide a reference letter for an employee who recently left my team. She has already been offered a new job in a completely different field. This is fortunate as her performance in her previous role was very poor; we lost time and money thanks to her lack of skills.

The form has a "would you re-employ this person?" I want to be honest and just say "No". I can explain that I believe this field of work was not for her, and that she will very likely perform well in her new job.

AIBU?

Are you a team leader or a senior member of the company? If team leader, do as you were told by HR or senior staff. If you are senior staff, refer to HR, personally. You can be held liable via civil litigation, personally and as part of the company, for a bad reference that is not based on fact. There is no reason to risk it just to have your opinion noted. If HR okays it, then good to go. If you don't want to ask, or they say no, just write your feelings in a journal. I don't know how else to professionally tell you to not do what you're tempted to do for the reasons you're tempted to do it.

badfinger · 03/06/2026 10:31

WhoDidWhatNow · 03/06/2026 10:28

Are you a team leader or a senior member of the company? If team leader, do as you were told by HR or senior staff. If you are senior staff, refer to HR, personally. You can be held liable via civil litigation, personally and as part of the company, for a bad reference that is not based on fact. There is no reason to risk it just to have your opinion noted. If HR okays it, then good to go. If you don't want to ask, or they say no, just write your feelings in a journal. I don't know how else to professionally tell you to not do what you're tempted to do for the reasons you're tempted to do it.

Edited

Academia. It's not a company. I thought that had been established.

WhoDidWhatNow · 03/06/2026 10:31

badfinger · 03/06/2026 10:31

Academia. It's not a company. I thought that had been established.

It still is viewed as a corporation with liabilities. I thought that had been established, also. Go away.

SparklyHam · 03/06/2026 10:33

Megifer · 03/06/2026 10:25

Its not hard at all? I must have supported 20+ dismissal in the public sector within probation due to poor performance Confused

Good for you.

Medals in the post.

I've literally never seen it happen in my part of the public sector in almost 30 years but great for you.

I've seen plenty of work-shy people, thieves, sexual predators and bullies just moved around though.

IamAporcupine · 03/06/2026 10:33

SparklyHam · 03/06/2026 09:52

And sometimes it isn't and people get away with being crap because someone's always kicking the can down the road.

It is possible for people just to be shit.

I'm actually very surprised by how many people think that as long as an employee is not late or rude, hasn't stolen or lied then all is fine?
how about being actually good at their job and having the basic skills expected at their profesional level?

Again, this was a lab-based role in STEM, she had several degrees, she was supposed to have the experience, but we found the hard way, she didn't. She worked for a year and delivered nothing. She got support and advice, which she did not take on board. She was just very bad at this job.

Is she employable? Yes, of course
Would I re-employ her? Hell no.

But I will still tick yes...

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread