Partner on holiday with a female friend!

[Daisymay1000]

I need to ask peoples honest opinions.

my partner went away on Sunday “with the boys” I wished him off well, hope he has a lovely time etc. been FaceTiming me, sending me pics etc. then yesterday a female friend may be flying over. I said I wasn’t very comfortable with this especially as she would be staying in the same apartment. He said he wasn’t sure if she even was yet she just said she may do. I looked on her story on instagram and she was already there, had been the whole time! Tagging him in pics etc. Iv broke up with him as the lies and the disrespect for me are too much. Am I being unreasonable or over reacting? He said I was and it’s just a friend and I’m controlling. But for me I can’t imagine he would ever allow me on holiday with a male staying in the same apartment?! There’s 3 men and her.

I agree except he lied about it. That’s when all trust was lost.

I was the only female in my place of work for 8 years. I loved all the guys I worked with as friends and have been happily married for 18 years. My hubbie never got upset over our nights out or away as we really needed destress time with our job. Only folk in the same environment will understand so im sorry buut its just my experience.

We often went on nights away and mini breaks and I shared with the guys. They were very respectful and left me in the room alone to shower and get dressed every morning. We were stingy do it saved costs. Nothing else in it.

I would be mortified if I thought their other halves suspected I was some sort of slapper.

That was never the case.

One of the guys didnt tell his wife I was going, he said it wouldn't be worth the aggro and he wouldn't be able to go which was madness to me because I always sent cards and bought presents from us all for special occasions.

If she wanted to pinch your man Im sure she would have done it by now.

Just another perspective.

Do the other guys have girlfriends? Do they know?

I feel if he lies about this, he might lie about other stuff. Like the boys being there.

The issue here isn’t the friendship. It’s the lie. He told OP the female friend may or may not come, when in fact she was already there.

This is a pretty unhinged reaction and clearly why he would keep things for you.
I went on holiday recently and shared a quad bike with my son, I can assure you my vagina wasn't rubbing on his back as you disgustingly put it.
Have you ever sat on a quad bike? Was your vagina rubbing on people?

OP - always remember, people that care about you, care how they make you feel.

If he knew it would make you uncomfortable and did it anyway that’s unacceptable. The fact he lied makes me think that he knew you wouldn’t be too happy about it but did it anyway, then proceeded to tell you after it was already ‘too late’ and she was there already.

Sorry this happened to you, find a better boyfriend.

You can definitely get a sense of how she behaves / reacts when he does something that she isn't happy with so I can see why he is reluctant to tell her things. He was trying to gauge her reaction by saying his friend might be coming.
I come from a circle of male and female friends so I can't even begin to understand why he can't have a female friend, regardless of if she likes her or not.

The lying is an issue. But I get the impression you wouldn’t have agreed or been happy about it if he told you the truth. I think mixed groups are fine if different sleeping areas etc and they are friends anyway. I mean he could cheat on you without going on holiday.

I suppose if I was in your shoes I would be asking myself 'if he lied about this what else is he lying about?'

Yes mixed groups can be friends but if that was genuinely the case he would not have needed to lie.

His reaction to being called out is typical gaslighting.

So pack his stuff and don't look back

How do you think he would feel if she took a male friend on holiday & lied about it? He was the one who lied, anyone trying to blame the GF as she wouldn’t like it if he was honest, the female friend may not know he has a GF or said he split up who knows but blaming either women in this scenario when the one at fault is the lying BF.

It would be good if some women knew more about their own bodies?

I think I’d be thinking hang on why wasn’t I invited then? Why aren’t any other partners there if there are any? As doesn’t sound like just a lads holiday unless the one female friend always meets up with them all when they do. I think men and women generally struggle to just be friends. Often one wants something more if heterosexual. How do they know her? Is she an ex of one? I think more context is needed BUT he lied about it. I don’t think I’d have an issue if she was a genuine friend and nothing going on but it’s the lying that makes it seem so suspicious but then that could be that he thought you’d ban him as you’re saying he’s sharing an apartment with a member of the opposite sex which tbh seems a bit extreme as that doesn’t automatically mean anything unless it was just the 2 of them

An ex of mine did this , told me he was going away with friends, it wasn’t until i overheard a phone call that I discovered that all the friends were women including his recent ex who he was going to collect en route.
He Had no idea how I’d react as we’d never dealt with any situation like this before.
I turned a blind eye to multiple things with this ex and he repaid me by doing exactly the same thing secretly with another ex further down the line .
I had said after the first one, I don’t care who you go away with as long as you’re up front from the beginning and he did exactly the same again.
they talk shit like I didn’t tell you because I knew how you’d react, it’s the oldest line in the book, and rubbish because nine times out of ten, people react to the lie, not the situation.
if you don’t want your partner to go away with other women then you need to have the opportunity to speak up about it, by hiding the facts you’re not given the opportunity to speak out or walk away etc.
its typical men being boys and people pandering to them here blaming you for not liking being lied to

And I say men and women often struggle to be just friends from experience as I have had several male friends in my life as I generally get on well with guys but every single time they have eventually declared feelings for me and left me feeling a bit odd about the entire thing like they were only my mate as fancied me if that makes sense when I genuinely liked them as a friend and got on well with them

If the other boys have GF’s I would tag their partners on the social media post.

I don't think OP was talking about you and your son on a quad bike nor was she talking about your vagina. You brought that up and made it weird.

And you're completely missing the point cos you're too busy talking about yourself, your son and your vagina 😂

It’s not the fact a female friend is there that’s an issue it’s the fact he’s lied about it. I’m about to go abroad with a male friend, DH has no issue, it’s for a joint hobby, completely upfront. I’d only be lying if I was trying to hide something. If I felt I needed to lie because I was worried out DHs reaction I wouldn’t be married to him.

The fact he lied says everything

Absolutely agree but there's a time and a place and I don't think this is it 😊

Good for you! It sounds to me like he was just trying to cover is own arse Incase you happen to see pictures by saying "oh she might come" casually...I think you've made the right call

He should have been honest before he went. Yes, the OP may not have been happy about it, but at least they would have had the opportunity to discuss it openly beforehand.

The issue isn't whether men and women can be friends. The issue is that he appears to have known this woman was going and chose not to be upfront about it.

Everyone's relationship boundaries are different. The fact that you would be comfortable with this situation doesn't mean the OP has to be, and it certainly doesn't make her unreasonable for feeling hurt by the lack of honesty.

Oh well, it was never going to work anyway. He wants to be friends with a female. You don’t want him to be friends with her so it was always going to come to a head anyway.
stop following them on social media, get his things together for when he gets back.

He wouldn't "ALLOW" you? That's controlling. Everyone, male or female, has the right to their friends. He shouldn't stop you, nor you stop him.
It's also fine to want your partner to go on holiday with you, not someone else.

It’s not a lads holiday if there’s a female there so why couldn’t you have gone? Please block him and move on

Just pointing out what is quite common in these situations