Partner on holiday with a female friend!

[Daisymay1000]

I need to ask peoples honest opinions.

my partner went away on Sunday “with the boys” I wished him off well, hope he has a lovely time etc. been FaceTiming me, sending me pics etc. then yesterday a female friend may be flying over. I said I wasn’t very comfortable with this especially as she would be staying in the same apartment. He said he wasn’t sure if she even was yet she just said she may do. I looked on her story on instagram and she was already there, had been the whole time! Tagging him in pics etc. Iv broke up with him as the lies and the disrespect for me are too much. Am I being unreasonable or over reacting? He said I was and it’s just a friend and I’m controlling. But for me I can’t imagine he would ever allow me on holiday with a male staying in the same apartment?! There’s 3 men and her.

Thankyouuuu. Exactly my point. And the fact she purposely felt the need to get his hand in the shot wen the original video was mostly the road n scenario.. finishing off with his hand which is tattooed like look who im with type vibes

I don't see the issue here if she is part of the same friend group. Unless there is some other context that's making you feel insecure (is she an ex?)

I am the older generation and I would not be ok with this. He lied to you so he doesnt respect you. She is loving all this drama and he is basically giving her a stick to beat you with. Glad you dumped him, he will never have your back.

Exactly. “Allow?” “Let”? No no!!
Her being on holiday with the lads? Fine. I have several male friends I’ve known for decades. No one is a threat to anybody’s partner. Him lying about it? Even if he knows you’ll overreact? NOT fine. But I’m not sure it’s worth breaking up over.

well remember what they say. no glove, no love

I seriously doubt she was rubbing her vagina all over him. Maybe just holding onto his waist on the bike. You are being unreasonable about this and just creating trouble.

Because OP is insecure and controlling? He shouldn’t lie. Absolutely not. But I can see why he would.

What would have been @Daisymay1000 's reaction to the mixed group holiday, if she had known beforehand?
If, anything other than 'have fun' then I can see why partner tried to hide it. Men are programed to take the path of least resistance to a quiet life.
Lying is not a great look but in this case don't think it is sinister, more of a mutual security/trust and communication issue.

side note: If the other two guys also have partners do they all have the same concerns, so interesting that one female can potentially cause so much angst at the same time, despite the fact that like most of the rest of us she has no interest in her male friends.

So you’d be okay with the lying too? That is a bigger issue, IME.

TBH OP i think you're coming across as a bit crazy. Totally agree with you that your BF has disrespected you and should be binned, and quite possibly this woman is a dickhead. But the idea that you'd refuse to let him go on holiday with a female friend, and your 'rubbing her vagina' comment is ridiculous.

Some men especially ones from military or police backgrounds where there are alot of masc women tend to have strong female friendships. I would be jealous too no lie but maybe he lied because he knew you would lose your shit about it? How have you been towards this woman before? Did you suspect something between them?

It's disappointing to see your feelings invalidated here. Just because it's not necessarily a real threat that it's a mixed group (strange mix), it doesn't mean you should be invalidated. He said he was going away with "the guys" & it's unfair to make out that he lied because of you. He chose to lie. Like someone else said, there's a lot of variables here. These kinds of things deserve gentle reassuring talks, not judgements & accusations towards you when he was the one deceiving you. I totally understand those who wouldn't have a problem with it, but I understand your position too. We all have our own different boundaries, & you deserve to have someone who respects yours (given there is mutual respect, of course). If he thinks he can "not allow" you to do something, that's a worry too. Control is completely different from reassurance, needing & giving it.

It's the lying about it that's unacceptable.

Aside from this situation would you ever trust anything he said to you again for fear of “him upsetting you” that’s what you need to ask yourself

You sound quite insecure, immature, and controlling, with a hint of crazy. I imagine he didn’t tell you because he knew you’d hit the roof. That is not an excuse for him to lie to you and I’d definitely bin him off for the lies, but also take a look at yourself and why he felt the need to lie. Men being friends with women (and going on holiday with them) is absolutely fine. Your quadbike comments are nuts to be honest, especially to the PP going on one with her son.

Im glad you finished with this lying bastard. You deserve much better.
To those who say you are crazy, WTF. What would they do?. Oh yeah its cool my partner lied about this girl being on holiday with him. I would be fuming too.
Well I hope he dumps her, but I can't see how he wouldn't know you would be angry about this. It's pouring with rain at the moment put all his stuff out in it and he can sort it when he gets back.

You arent overreacting for yhe lying. He should have said to begin with. I suspect he only mentioned it as he thought a picture etc might pop up on fb? The actual gang bit needs more a look at? Is she one of the boys? I went away with 3 girls, 1 bloke last year. Told my husband. Ive known this bloke for 40 years. Everyone ok with situ. But for a min I did wonder if it was a bit odd!

You're not being unreasonable to break up because of the lies. But being on holiday with a female friend should be ok, if you trust him.

i suggest you look up scarcasm and read her comments to myself before speaking 🙃😂

like iv said, i have boundaries… if he doesn’t want to respect those boundaries that’s absolutelyyyyyy fine by me, doors over there, dont let it hit you on the way out! BUT lying to me and not giving me the information to make my own decision based on that is my issue. Yes I would have been pissed off if I knew she was going as I don’t like the girl, but we could have spoke and set some boundaries around it. Instead he LIED to me and clearly thought I was an idiot, that is the part I don’t rate and have taken a massive problem with.

He lied and OP is the one who's crazy?

He lied because he knew that it crossed OPs boundaries. He knew it was wrong. OP has also said if it was the other way around there would be holy hell to pay. He knows how he would feel if it was the other way around but he continued to go ahead and go on holiday knowing the female friend would be there and knowing OP would be hurt and angry.

Shame on you for blaming OP for a man lying!! This is all on him, he chose to lie.

So many posters on this thread doing mental gymnastics to be apologists for a man's bad behaviour. It's disgusting.

Isn’t that the point though.
You say things like ‘doors over there, don’t hit your head on the way out’. But you already dumped him. He left already, he’s the other side of the door & he’s quad biking with another girl.
I appreciate you’re hurt, and this is fresh, but you’ve ended it. What happens now is his own business. All you can do is organise the removal of his things from your house.

You can’t expect a man who lied to you, and disrespected you during your relationship, to suddenly show you more respect now you’re no longer in that relationship. That’s unrealistic.

Every day spent concerning yourself with something you can’t change, is another day of your life wasted on this douchebag.

She hasnt dumped him. Shes thrown a tantrum because hes in the company of an attractive woman and shes insecure. Shes pretending its because he lied, but id lie too if I was with someone has unhinged and wildly hysterically insecure as her. Id have to lie to function. Its called being controlling, coercive and manipulative. She wont admit that. Its because this womans really fit and she doesnt trust her fella. Vagina rubbing on his back? Uh oh, very very weird comment.

In itself having a female friend tag along isn’t a deal breaker for me but lying is. Why did he feel the need to lie to you? The lack of openness between the two of you is the problem.

YANBU. He lied to you about something he knows you’d be uncomfortable with. And knew she was probably posting photos with him, that you (as you did) or your friends might see and tell you about. That’s disrespectful.

I say this as someone whose two oldest, closest friends are men. When I was 19, I lived in a flat with four men. And I’ve shared a room with men for months (dorm in Australia) along with my boyfriend at the time. So, it’s perfectly possible to be friends, go on holiday, and even share a room, with men without flirting with them. Or seeing them as anything other than friends.

But it’s perfectly right you set your own boundaries in a relationship. That isn’t controlling. It’s self respect.

All the best 💐

How do you know the woman is attractive? I’ve not seen OP mention that anywhere.