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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Partner on holiday with a female friend!

531 replies

Daisymay1000 · 02/06/2026 11:43

I need to ask peoples honest opinions.

my partner went away on Sunday “with the boys” I wished him off well, hope he has a lovely time etc. been FaceTiming me, sending me pics etc. then yesterday a female friend may be flying over. I said I wasn’t very comfortable with this especially as she would be staying in the same apartment. He said he wasn’t sure if she even was yet she just said she may do. I looked on her story on instagram and she was already there, had been the whole time! Tagging him in pics etc. Iv broke up with him as the lies and the disrespect for me are too much. Am I being unreasonable or over reacting? He said I was and it’s just a friend and I’m controlling. But for me I can’t imagine he would ever allow me on holiday with a male staying in the same apartment?! There’s 3 men and her.

OP posts:
CoralOP · 03/06/2026 21:25

AMurderofMurderingCrows · 03/06/2026 20:54

I don't think OP was talking about you and your son on a quad bike nor was she talking about your vagina. You brought that up and made it weird.

And you're completely missing the point cos you're too busy talking about yourself, your son and your vagina 😂

Wtf wierd response. It was OP who was shouting about vaginas, i simply compared it to the exact same situation i had on my quad.
If you compared my picture on a quad and her boyfriends picture on a quad they would look exactly the same, one person behind the other.

OP sees that picture and shouts that she's rubbing her vagina on him, surely you know that's not a normal reaction?

I'm not missing the point at all, of course he shouldn't of lied but OP is seriously giving unhinged crazy woman vibes so you can kinda understand why he spends his time trying to hide things instead of just being in a healthy, reasonable relationship. Time for them both to move on.

StarlingTheConqueror · 03/06/2026 21:30

Actually there is a huge difference between two people on a quad that are physically close together or not. And yes it’s visible on a photo.
like wrapping your arms around the person.
Being close enough to have torso fully touching
I know my son would never do that with me but would do it with a gf.

Firefightress1 · 03/06/2026 21:33

Darklight1 · 03/06/2026 20:41

I think I’d be thinking hang on why wasn’t I invited then? Why aren’t any other partners there if there are any? As doesn’t sound like just a lads holiday unless the one female friend always meets up with them all when they do. I think men and women generally struggle to just be friends. Often one wants something more if heterosexual. How do they know her? Is she an ex of one? I think more context is needed BUT he lied about it. I don’t think I’d have an issue if she was a genuine friend and nothing going on but it’s the lying that makes it seem so suspicious but then that could be that he thought you’d ban him as you’re saying he’s sharing an apartment with a member of the opposite sex which tbh seems a bit extreme as that doesn’t automatically mean anything unless it was just the 2 of them

Absolutely nonsense

TheDreamyFinch · 03/06/2026 21:40

I absolutely hate it when women blame women for how men are behaving.
Said kindly, this woman has no loyalty to you. You’re not friends. You’ve said yourself you don’t get on.
Whether she has questionable morals or not, she has absolutely no responsibility for your feelings. But your now ex boyfriend does.
He is the one who has lied and god knows what story he might be spinning her about you while he is away.

ghostofchristmaspasta · 03/06/2026 21:43

I have male friends, I’m actually going on holiday with them soon. My husband has female friends too and it doesn’t bother me in the slightest. I have no say over who he spends time with and vice versa and I actually think people that have an issue with it are pretty immature (or hurt and therefore insecure).

All that to say good job breaking up with him I would’ve done the same. The disrespect and the dishonesty is more than enough reason.

This isn’t about mixed sex friend groups but telling lies.

Besidemyselfwithworry · 03/06/2026 21:44

@Daisymay1000

its the lying
so you say “partner”
do you live together or are you just seeing each other - how serious is this? How long together?

bakebeans · 03/06/2026 21:45

aquitodavia · 02/06/2026 11:50

I disagree if she's a member of this friendship group. Men and women can be friends, would you honestly not be able to go on holiday in a mixed group? The dishonesty is an issue but perhaps he was concerned about this reaction? If it was the two of them together then that would be one thing but I don't really see an issue with a female friend joining a group of male friends, on the face of it.

yes You are correct so then why has he needed to lie about it if it’s all innocent

AMurderofMurderingCrows · 03/06/2026 21:49

CoralOP · 03/06/2026 21:25

Wtf wierd response. It was OP who was shouting about vaginas, i simply compared it to the exact same situation i had on my quad.
If you compared my picture on a quad and her boyfriends picture on a quad they would look exactly the same, one person behind the other.

OP sees that picture and shouts that she's rubbing her vagina on him, surely you know that's not a normal reaction?

I'm not missing the point at all, of course he shouldn't of lied but OP is seriously giving unhinged crazy woman vibes so you can kinda understand why he spends his time trying to hide things instead of just being in a healthy, reasonable relationship. Time for them both to move on.

Nope, it's your response that's weird talking about your son and your vagina. You didn't need to bring up your experience but you did and you made it creepy.

Anyway, I don't want to derail the thread as you seem hellbent on your experience MUST be the same as the OPs ex quad bike ride. So, as you were...

Seasonofthesticks · 03/06/2026 21:59

I have a mixed friendship group, been friends with them since high school. I was invited on my friends stag do in Madeira recently which would have been just the ‘lads’ and me. I didn’t go due to childcare but I am a single woman and also have no desire to sleep with any of my male friends.

APinkAndSpottyGiraffey · 03/06/2026 22:03

proseccoprincess612 · 03/06/2026 18:25

As a previous poster has said, If he had nothing to hide, but why has he lied about it? He must have felt a reason to be dishonest with you, and I don’t believe it’s because he thought he would get this reaction, as you’ve said you’re absolutely fine with it, just not fine with the lies. don’t let people tell you that you’re being unreasonable because I would feel the exact same!!
In fact, my ex partner actually went on holiday “on his own” to the same island as his estranged wife, dumped me the next day and reunited with her a couple of days later! And at the time, I wasn’t suspicious that he was going to do anything of the sort. Don’t let people tell you that your reaction is unjustified, you are allowed to feel as you do! 💛

Edited

😂 My ex’s ‘good friend’ was a lesbian, a very argumentative, difficult personality typed lesbian…. Who I definitely wouldn’t get on with.

I came home early from a weekend away and found out she’d been sharing my bed with him! Funny that, she wasn’t gay anymore then!

SleepingStandingUp · 03/06/2026 22:22

DrKartz · 03/06/2026 19:07

Just pointing out what is quite common in these situations

you doing it doesn't make it common. even if you go around shagging all your married friend en masse, the common denominator is you

SleepingStandingUp · 03/06/2026 22:27

just asked hubby if he minds if I go in holiday with 3 male friends.

he said "enjoy"
"but I might want to have sex with them all??"
"do you?"
"I can hardly say yes!"
"fair enough"
"well they might all want to have sex with me!"
"I wouldn't blame them"

🤣🤣

I feel like we're doing jealousy wrong 😆

DrKartz · 03/06/2026 22:28

SleepingStandingUp · 03/06/2026 22:22

you doing it doesn't make it common. even if you go around shagging all your married friend en masse, the common denominator is you

I assume you dont get out much.

Cooshawn · 03/06/2026 22:36

FlyingCatGirl · 02/06/2026 18:43

Oh calm down! I have never given a stuff about my partner having lads nights out and vice versa and at times we go out as couples. I've been with my partner and not even married so we are not insecure people in the slightest so don't be arrogant or think you have a superpower. But if you think the Instagram posts of the woman in over was fair then maybe you aren't so great towards your own partner. I also have make friends and I would never disrespect their wives, I'm not needy for their attention.

I don't post on Instagram so no I wouldn't be posting photos on there. But the woman was posting normal photos of her and her friends at the beach which OP has gone hysterical over because a
she was half naked. At the beach. For fucks sake, was she supposed to wear a polo neck and a pair of slacks?

babyproblems · 03/06/2026 22:48

Bizarre that he didn’t tell you - IF she was only a friend.
Even more not ok if they are there alone!!!
I think run for the hills. X

Ohdearnotthisagain · 03/06/2026 22:59

RoachFish · 02/06/2026 12:19

WTF!? So women and men in relationships who have friends who they like to spend time with of the opposite sex have no standards?

Not if they lie about it

JenniferBooth · 03/06/2026 23:10

Ive got to the bottom of page 5 and still nothing has been said about the fact that the OP said HE doesnt like it when its the other way around. One must wonder why this is being glossed over!

SleepingStandingUp · 03/06/2026 23:53

DrKartz · 03/06/2026 22:28

I assume you dont get out much.

or I just have morals? and my friends have morals? because of they suggested we had group sex every time we went on holiday, we wouldn't be friends any more.

SleepingStandingUp · 03/06/2026 23:54

DrKartz · 03/06/2026 22:28

I assume you dont get out much.

and if you like having sex with your male firn3ss8so much, maybe that's something you should explore 121

DrKartz · 04/06/2026 00:01

SleepingStandingUp · 03/06/2026 23:54

and if you like having sex with your male firn3ss8so much, maybe that's something you should explore 121

But I do. Everything theres a hard cock to suck im ready

Daisymay1000 · 04/06/2026 00:05

Texasish · 03/06/2026 18:59

I'm an old lady, so you're getting a very biased opinion. I was engaged to a guy (late 1980's) who turned out to be incredibly dickish and cruel. When we were dating he had a few "great" girl "friends only." Turns out that he was banging every single one of them. Gross!!

He love bombed me to death, so of course I had on those rose-colored-glasses. He went on vacation with these "friends" as well. I knew about those trips and I trusted him. When we broke up, he said it was because of my insecurities, NOT his. He also said that he was grossed out by my cellulite. I was 5'4" and 110 lbs! I was so devastated and hurt, but with the help of my family and friends, and a lot of booze, I survived. (I gave up the booze a long time ago, but I kept my family and friends ;-) .

Lying by omission is still lying. Protect your precious heart and stay away from that man child.

BTW, in my lifetime, I’ve known both men and women who have been unfaithful to their partners. It's still very much a universal problem. Wishing you the best, you're gonna be okay! XOXO.

Thankyou for your sweet reply. I totally agree, there’s certain boundaries that you should have in friendships with the opposite sex especially when in a relationship. If the friend was there prior you may not have as much as a right but if it’s after you got together it isn’t anything you signed up for so absolutely should be able to say no it’s not ok. Especially when tables turned there would be holy hell!

OP posts:
JenniferBooth · 04/06/2026 00:07

Daisymay1000 · 04/06/2026 00:05

Thankyou for your sweet reply. I totally agree, there’s certain boundaries that you should have in friendships with the opposite sex especially when in a relationship. If the friend was there prior you may not have as much as a right but if it’s after you got together it isn’t anything you signed up for so absolutely should be able to say no it’s not ok. Especially when tables turned there would be holy hell!

Thats what a lot of posters on here have chosen to miss That he doesnt like it when its the other way around

Loloblue · 04/06/2026 00:13

You sound controlling tbh.

Emilyannie · 04/06/2026 00:17

I don't think it's having a female friend that's an issue it's the fact that he lied to you.

Daisymay1000 · 04/06/2026 00:19

CoralOP · 03/06/2026 21:25

Wtf wierd response. It was OP who was shouting about vaginas, i simply compared it to the exact same situation i had on my quad.
If you compared my picture on a quad and her boyfriends picture on a quad they would look exactly the same, one person behind the other.

OP sees that picture and shouts that she's rubbing her vagina on him, surely you know that's not a normal reaction?

I'm not missing the point at all, of course he shouldn't of lied but OP is seriously giving unhinged crazy woman vibes so you can kinda understand why he spends his time trying to hide things instead of just being in a healthy, reasonable relationship. Time for them both to move on.

I’m crazy and unhinged… says the woman rubbing her vagina on her son 🙃

OP posts: