Do you pack your husband’s bag when he goes away..?

[ShillyShallySally]

Was chatting to a friend of a friend the other day. She was having a moan about her useless husband. In the course of this moan she mentioned that she’d had to pack his bag for a work trip. Just breezed past it as if it was the most normal thing. I was like wait…why are you packing his bag for him?? She huffs and puffs about “oh he won’t do it properly” or some shit. Didn’t really have much of an answer.

Mentioned this exchange at work. Seems this is not particularly uncommon. Had women moaning about having to do “all the packing for everyone” for family holidays etc.

i am quite baffled by this. Why are some women packing their husbands bags for them..? If nothing else, my husband wouldn’t want me to pack his bag for him. Being a grown adult he’d rather choose his own clothes.

Some men are absolutely fucking useless but my god, some women really don’t help themselves…

No he's a big boy, he knows what clothes he wants to wear. When we go on holiday he packs for the kids at least if not more often than me. I say we're both mums in this house.

Some women like to flap about their incompetent men it makes them feel needed and important, this is probably your husband, i have packed once for my husband in 35 years and that was for a hospital stayhe was physically to ill to do it,

Lol no because he's not 12.

We had a row last year after I'd packed for me and both the kids, and the toys, swim stuff, food, kitchen equipment and the hobby equipment we needed.

DH got very grumpy because I hadn't packed for him . . . (Which I had never ever done before either and didn't I have enough to do?! And shouldn't he have helped with the rest?)

I've been suppressing slight feelings of guilt and unreasonableness on each subsequent trip, while he's packed his own stuff with a few deep sighs.

But not any more! This thread clearly tells me IANBU.

Ask him why. Ask him to justify as a grown adult why he thinks you should pack his case for him.

I would help a partner who genuinely struggled that much , whatever the cause of the struggling.

Absolutely not 😂

He might occasionally ask me to fold something like a shirt for him to pack as I'm better at it but otherwise he sorts his own stuff out.

I love my husband very much but he is not more important than me that he can't sort his own stuff out! I mean if you are happy doing it crack on but just because you cluck about him doesn't mean you are a better partner than any body else on the thread !

Quite the opposite in this house, my husband packs all the bags😂 I do sort my own clothes, we jointly sort the kids clothes/stuff, but he is by far the superior bag/suitcase packer. In another life I assume he was a professional tetris player, the amount he can fit into one case is truly a mystery to me!

No, absolutely not. I don't pack my 15yo ds's bag either, it would just be teaching him to turn into another man child. To be honest, I barely help my 9yo dd either, but that's because she's really independent and organised. I have a quick look through her things just to check she's got all bases covered. I do tend to be the one to pack everything the family generally needs though.

That's me! I can pack like a pro 😂😂😂

No packing and definitely no ironing

Ah, I wouldn't be put in a situation to refuse - since he'd have to come home anyway to collect his bag, he wouldn't even think to interrupt what I'm doing to ask me to save him a minute of his time because he decided on a whim to change his plans for the evening. I don't think that particularly considerate, it's just standard behaviour.

Exactly, I had my kids doing their own packing (with a list) from pretty young. Then fewer accusations of "you didn't pack my xxxxx" !

I think there's a difference between packing their bag as a kind gesture and packing their bag due to weaponised incompetence if that makes sense. My fella has his own system and has always preferred to do it himself though. I've been on the other side of the fence with a manchild ex who couldn't organise a piss in a toilet but I partly enabled that by doing everything for him and maybe she's doing the same 🙈

No, never. We did get into a pattern for a few years where I'd pack the kids bags while he moaned about how we were late but we have amended that so he is just as likely to pack for them or supervise their packing as I am (admittedly the task is much easier now they aren't small)

My husband has never been away on work trips (I have, lots) but for holidays I generally leave his packing to him. The exception is our long delayed (10 years!) honeymoon in a few weeks. We are, for once, staying in some very nice hotels and going on a short cruise, and I have insisted on input on what he takes and on ironing before the things are packed. This is because of two main things:

He started working from home during lockdown and has since retired, so he now wears much more casual clothes - he would never wear T-shirts for instance, it was always proper shirts and waistcoats and/or jackets

He has developed a huge liking for Temu, and has bought some really nasty cheap slimy shirts and T-shirts recently. There is no way I'm letting him wear those anywhere nice!

I'm making an effort to look nice, so I think he should too - and he does like looking nice - it's just that he seems to have forgotten what nice looks like. If we're just staying a couple of nights in a Premier Inn then it's up to him what he takes and wears, but this is different.

The only time I have packed a bag for my husband was when he got taken into hospital unexpectedly, as obviously he couldn't do so.

But what's wrong with that? If he stuffs it in how does that affect you?

😂😂😂😂

I don't hate my husband either, but he can still pack his own bags!

Not entirely sure why your DH can't throw a gun bag together in the morning 🤔🤔

My DH works long hours and works hard for us, and we're grateful, but he can definitely spare 20 minutes to pack his own clothes.

I book all holidays, sort transport, insurance, parking at airports, book flights, sort visas, sort and book any activities, plan food/meals out, make sure passports are in order, sort car with petrol, service, Eu packs etc pack DDs stuff, retrieve holiday paraphernalia from shed/loft, pack car, drive car to wherever, get all toiletries sorted, sunscreen, chargers, packed lunches if required for journey, sort DDs car bag with books/puzzles/toys etc - all because I don't hate my husband and want him to have nice holidays with us. He literally just is a passenger.

All he has to do is book time off work and pack his own bags 😂

The only time I packed, was when we had 1 small suitcase between 3 of us as we didn't want to pay loads of baggage fees. Even then he needed the gather what he wanted...

So don't make out like we're absolute cunts for daring to suggest a fully functioning adult should be able to pack a small bag of clothes for themselves and we must hate that person.

Its a binary choice of love and hate now?

In fairness, he does try. But for example we went away last weekend, and I packed my bag and DCs bag on Thursday. I knew we were leaving at midday on Friday, so I just went upstairs and started packing for him. Then he panicked (very common amongst autistics) and had to try everything on first, even though we went through his clothes at Easter. If he hasn’t gone through them in the last week, he can’t take them on holiday. He just can’t.
It’s much easier if I do it when he’s out of the house - means no panic attacks or trying on every single item I pack!

Not a chance. DH packs his own bag. As do all three DC (11, 14 and 17) and have been for years. I pack all the other shite we take with us but they pack their own stuff.

I pack toilet roll for him so he can wipe his own arse