Do you pack your husband’s bag when he goes away..?

[ShillyShallySally]

Was chatting to a friend of a friend the other day. She was having a moan about her useless husband. In the course of this moan she mentioned that she’d had to pack his bag for a work trip. Just breezed past it as if it was the most normal thing. I was like wait…why are you packing his bag for him?? She huffs and puffs about “oh he won’t do it properly” or some shit. Didn’t really have much of an answer.

Mentioned this exchange at work. Seems this is not particularly uncommon. Had women moaning about having to do “all the packing for everyone” for family holidays etc.

i am quite baffled by this. Why are some women packing their husbands bags for them..? If nothing else, my husband wouldn’t want me to pack his bag for him. Being a grown adult he’d rather choose his own clothes.

Some men are absolutely fucking useless but my god, some women really don’t help themselves…

So surely he’s doubling your joy by shoving stuff in the case because you get to iron it all twice!!!

I don’t think I’ve so much as held an iron for at least 15 years.

No way, I’m not his mum 🤣

No of course not!

No. My 12 year old can pack their own bag - my 50 something husband can cope. And if they can’t - too bad - go naked 🤣

Er, no. I hate packing so would not voluntarily take on that role. I tend to do more of the holiday stuff but that’s one task I will not take responsibility for!

If anything my dad would have been more likely to pack for my mum, as he was retired while she was still working and she would often be working right up to their departure date.

That's ridiculous! My 10 year old packs her own bag (I do check it to make sure she has everything needed), my 7 year old packs herself after we have jointly made a list. Why on earth can't a grown man pack? That would give me major ick

OMG how old are you? That comment from you sounds ridiculous that doing housework, laundry etc are girls jobs and I find it incredible and a bit gross that if you weren't around your husband would not wash bedsheets or towels etc. I am 66 and yes whilst I acknowledge I notice these things more than my husband he will do them because he is not a slob. Even when we were younger and I worked shorter hours than him he still would put the odd wash on or cook a meal or run a hoover round. He shares it equally now we are retired. Supposing something happened to you and you were unable to do these things? Surely your DH would have to do them then?

I used to pack my DHs bag.
Because he would make it MY fault if he forgot something. And he'd sulk and moan and 'you should have known' etc etc. So I packed for both of us to make sure he didn't ruin a holiday by forgetting his swimming things or his favourite shirt.

He is now, obviously, an ex. Because, eventually, EVERYTHING was my fault.

No. Why would I? We all pack our own bags. It transpired that I was the only one to pack any pants on one short break so DH and DD set off to buy some on the first morning of the holiday while I read my book in bed and they brought me back a coffee. DH had been on holidays for 34 years before we got together so had acquired those skills and DD packed her own bag from age 5 and I would check she had what I thought she needed. She is now very organised for a trip and writes lists in advance. Pants are at the top these days! I do think this whole 'he wouldn't do it right' attitude is odd. He's an adult. I don't want him to be with me because he 'needs' me but because he loves me, and I certainly don't refuse to pack his bag because I hate him. He'd never ask.

I don't see anything wrong with this point of view. It's just strange to me the vitriol the viewpoint attracts. I'm not inclined to piss up a wall or chew tobacco without a bra to show what a strong, independent woman I am .. lol

There are extremes in views and there really doesn't need to be...it isn't that deep.

How did your dh pack before he met you?

I imagine himself but it wasn’t on my list of questions to ask when we started dating…

I hate the notion that if a woman chooses to pack her husbands bag, laundry etc that the husband must be a lazy misogynist. It just couldn’t be further from the truth. The first time I packed his bag was before he went on holiday to Greece (it was booked before I met him and I had a work commitment so I couldn’t go), but we lived together and I just thought ‘he’s been at work all week, coming back late - I’ll just make HIS life easier by packing his bag ready’ … and it was of great help to him and he was grateful. He doesn’t expect it but of course, it just makes his life easier. If he packed MY bag, it would make life more difficult, not because he’s not capable of folding clothes but as a woman I have greater variety of clothing - skirts, blouses, trousers, dresses, jumpsuits, hats, sunglasses about 10 different handbags… he would be lost and I’d imagine that would be the case for a lot of men as I’ve many conversations with men joking about how many clothes his wife has! He just wears chinos or shorts and a shirt / top so it’s easier for me to pack his bag. BUT if I had to go to hospital or it was emergency, of course he’d pack my bag.

There’s no point in me explaining how my husband would literally do anything for me (yes including packing his back) to a bunch of strangers on the internet but if a woman WANTS to help out her husband it doesn’t make her subservient. It’s different if she was being forced to do so, and I’m not being ignorant of the fact there are some men that do expect it from their wives but it’s not whacky to say that I’m sure a lot of men appreciate it, whilst also not being some lazy, entitled pig that people seem to be pairing here

But does he really appreciate it? When you say yourself that you wouldn’t really if the roles were reversed?

Maybe he recognises you are trying to do a nice thing, but would really prefer to do it himself?

It’s the weirdness of it for me. I would hate my husband to pack my bag for me. Even if I’d laid out the stuff I like to methodically go through it and pack it myself so I am happy that everything is there. It’s such a weird, personal thing to delegate.

I think if a woman posted here and said her husband chose her clothes and packed her bag for her, they’d say he was controlling. That’s sort of what I think about the posters on this thread who claim to pack their husbands bags because they can’t be trusted to dress appropriately. It’s controlling.

Tbh, if I met a man and they took pride in doing their laundry or dare I say, ‘girls jobs’ I’d find them a bit wet??

What an absolutely ridiculous thing to think. Head in hands here. Truly some women love to prop up the patriarchy.

I would hate someone to pack for me. I make a list in advance of what I want to take, so I can make sure everything has been washed, or purchased ready.

I gather things together and mark of when packed so I don't forget anything. I couldn't do that if someone did it for me, so wouldn't relax until I could unpack and check I had everything.

I think you're putting a lot of thought into something that doesn't exist for the majority of people who pack DH bags.

Most have said that they do it to assist, to reciprocate helpfulness, save time, stress etc. I can't see anyone on here saying they do it because they don't trust their husband to pick his own clothing.

In fact, having reread your original post, even your friend didn't give this as a reason.

So, maybe it's not as weird as we all thought at first? Maybe your friend is just being a helpful partner and didn't know how to answer you when you questioned what she thought to be perfectly normal so she just threw you a 'nothing burger'?

That would be my take.

Genuinely cannot fathom why anybody would pack a bag for a fully-functioning grown adult?!!!
My husband would be appalled at even the suggestion! Tbh, he'd find it insulting.

No never - my husband goes away a lot. He does his washing whilst hes away too.
My son has been packing his own bag since he was 10 ish (cubs and scouts!) and been doing is own laundry for 2/3 years (hes 19 now) including beds/towels.
My mum used to pack my dad's bag for holidays and when I was a child he would sometimes say - 'wheres my x or why didn't you bring my x' I mentally thought then (I'm never going to pack for another adult!).
My mum died last year and I had to teach my elderly father how to use a washing machine and change a bed.
My brother has also been taught how to use a washing machine and change a duvet as my sil realised he could also do neither! He does do his own packing though.

we lived together and I just thought ‘he’s been at work all week, coming back late - I’ll just make HIS life easier by packing his bag ready’

Had you not been at work all week then?

I worked from home whereas he does not but it’s irrelevant. I wanted to help my husband, I would’ve done it if I was in the office too

That’s exactly it. ‘He wouldn’t ask’. That’s how it is with us. Packing a bag with your clothes and toiletries is as personal as deciding what to wear everyday, showering, looking after our health. We don’t need help with that stuff. And if he did need help because he was running late at work or whatever (he wouldn’t because he’d have done it before), he’d tell me exactly what he wanted and where to find it.

His poor little man brain couldn’t possibly pack and hold down a job, just like its clearly unnatural for him to do laundry as washing machines are operated with a vagina.

Wow, you make feminism sound so vulgar.

🥴 An art to it? Come off it.