Do you pack your husband’s bag when he goes away..?

[ShillyShallySally]

Was chatting to a friend of a friend the other day. She was having a moan about her useless husband. In the course of this moan she mentioned that she’d had to pack his bag for a work trip. Just breezed past it as if it was the most normal thing. I was like wait…why are you packing his bag for him?? She huffs and puffs about “oh he won’t do it properly” or some shit. Didn’t really have much of an answer.

Mentioned this exchange at work. Seems this is not particularly uncommon. Had women moaning about having to do “all the packing for everyone” for family holidays etc.

i am quite baffled by this. Why are some women packing their husbands bags for them..? If nothing else, my husband wouldn’t want me to pack his bag for him. Being a grown adult he’d rather choose his own clothes.

Some men are absolutely fucking useless but my god, some women really don’t help themselves…

I do work. But DH doing the long work trips is the reason he's paid so well. He wouldn't quit, and he's actually hoping for ALL of us to move to that location one day.

And why wasn't he taught this as a child? Did mummy do it all for him?

Yes, if I didn't wash the bedlinen, DP would maybe change the bed after about a year. I live with a man who is basically feral when it comes to clothes. Dresses like a tramp, never buys new clothes. I don't subscribe to the "puppy dog training" theory that men should be forced to change by either persuasion, or punishment, or reward. Why should he change? I dress like I want. He's every right to dress to please himself. EXCEPT when going on holiday: since we're going to be out in public, together, I dictate terms by doing all the packing. Swings and roundabouts: I haven't mowed a lawn, put the bins out, or been in a supermarket since about 1998. He does it all. While dressed as a down and out 😂😂 seriously, you'd probably give the poor chap money if you met him in the street. So yes, I pack for him.

Pmsl
You dont pack your husband's suitcase therefore you dont ever do anything for them at all and you hate them.

What a crock.

Why does the state of his suitcase and its contents concern you?

Who said they dont do anything at all?

I think that as much as there is a category of useless and incompetent men, there's also a category of ridiculously house-proud women who bring the problem onto themselves, buy putting their pride and worth in the shine of their kitchen sink, when they rest of us really couldn't care less. House is clean because it's comfortable, not because Pamela from next door might judge if she comes to borrow some salt.

I am not sure I have ever heard a man going into full panic mode because he needed his house to be "visitor ready".

I know many men who are a lot more tidy and neat freak than most women, but they don't make it their entire personality and it's about their own comfort, not what people might say.

Because we share a suitcase! 😀

Tbh, if I met a man and they took pride in doing their laundry or dare I say, ‘girls jobs’ I’d find them a bit wet??

This would actually make them more attractive to me!!

I really couldn't marry a man that wouldn't change the sheets often. And I'm pretty slack.

As for scruffy old clothes etc couldn't care less tbh

Oh id hate that

Some people just don't have the knack 🤷‍♀️
My sister can't do it either. She can't "see" how things could fit in a space.

I am a pro 😁

Some might posit that being "house-proud" is a virtue, specific to the traits of some women, and not ridiculous at all. It's a real source of pride, for some, to showcase a home they are proud that they own, rent or whatever and want to share that space, in its best light, with the people they care about and love.

People show appreciation and love in different ways.

Some cook. Some bake. Some sew or make handmade cards. Some keep the house clean and smelling good. Some dress well. Some pack lunches or make gift bags on special occasions etc.

Men value things differently than women so that may explain why you don't see men going into "panic mode" for a "visitor ready" home, although, I know plenty of men who appreciate a tidy house for visitors, so your experience isn't universal.

This thread is shocking and hilarious at the same time.

Thinking about all the males in my extended family - the only one who categorically wouldn’t be able to pack a bag for a trip away is a 7 month old baby.

Everyone else would likely have a view about what they want to take, and would prefer to do the actual selection of the clothes themselves - in exactly the same way that all the females in the family would.

One family member has severe cognitive and physical impairment after a stroke.
Even he only needs a bit of verbal prompting/reminding, and that’s only because he can’t read a list. He can’t fold, but he can roll clothes up and transfer them to a bag.
He hates needing to be dependent on others, so definitely wouldn’t want someone else “taking over” tasks he can actually manage just because they might be quicker, neater or more efficient.

Incidentally, he has regular physio, and always packs his own gym bag too.

Do all the husbands/partners who get no say in what is packed for them to wear on holiday actually appreciate it, or secretly find it a bit of an imposition?

I’d find it a step too far personally, if DH packed a bag for me.
Putting the pile of clothes I’d already picked out into the suitcase - fine.
Burrowing through my drawers and wardrobe to find clothes (ones that he feels make me look “presentable?”)- not at all fine.

The difference between them cooking you a meal vs insisting you let them feed you said meal with their fingers, because it’s a loving gesture.

who said anything about being universal?

Read my post, some women and men like a tidy home because they don't like dirt, mess and clutter, and I am one of them. It has nothing to do with trying to show off to the neighbours.

It's harmless, but it's a bit pathetic if someone's achievement in life is to have clean and ironed curtains, surely they can find more interesting things to achieve?

My point was that these ridiculously house-proud women who refuse for anyone to even put a food in their perfect kitchen bring it upon themselves if their partner leave everything to them

If we go on holiday, everyone gets out what they need and I pack it because I am better at getting more stuff in and I quite like it. Same as I like packing my own shopping. Probably a control thing on my part. Packing for work is different they do their own, because I don't care if they run out of room.

I used to pack for my ex-husband. I think it was because my parents had a very traditional marriage as far as divison of labour went and I thoughtthat is what wives did (I got married in the late '90s, not exactly an excuse).

One of the good things about getting divorced and remarried is that you don't make the same mistakes twice. My husband thought it was very odd that I used to pack my ex's case.

I also no longer buy all the christmas presents and wrap them, remember my husband's family's birthdays and do most of the cleaning!

Its not really a skill like brain surgery. Anyone could do it if the desire or need is there. These men must have packed when single

What are YOU ironing them? They are his clothes?

The comment regarding "universal" came from your statement:

I am not sure I have ever heard a man going into full panic mode because he needed his house to be "visitor ready".

So, I pointed out that there men out there, that was all.

I wouldn't agree that it's "pathetic" for anyone to feel a sense of accomplishment in the work they put into their home, despite the lack of value others put into that same work, but you're entitled to your opinion!

No I don't pack for my husband, I usually Do pack the kids clothes as well as my own, they lack their toys, my husband packs his stuff, all electronics and necessary chargers and all necessary toiletries. Works best this way as I'd forget toothbrushes for some reason but am always across what clothes we need while he's not so great at planning other people's outfits ahead. That's for holidays though. If he's going on a work trip I'd barely be aware he was going let alone what he's need.

Absolutely not and my kids were packing their own bags (with some supervision) from age 10ish

Because as said before I love ironing and folding anyone's clothes, bed linen, teatowels you name it.
I've always wanted one of those old fashioned shops where everything is folded in different boxes. Don't know the name, like haberdasher?

Well if you do it for your own enjoyment why do you care how he packs it?

No I do not pack my husbands bags if he is going away whether it is a family holiday or he is going somewhere on his own. Never have and he travelled a lot for work but always managed to pack his own bag and he is not the most organised of people but on the whole he was able to manage that. My feeling was I did most other things from food shops to cooking, laundry, housework, childcare, finances and gardening plus the remembering of birthdays, etc etc. This was alongside me working part time and sometimes full time. DH now has to share cooking, laundry, shopping and housework as we are both retired. My advice to younger women is make your DH pull his weight. Packing his own bag or making his own lunch is a bare minimum.