Refusing to drive on a motorway/long distance in a Fiat 500?

[CheeseSandwich1]

What the title says really!

DC’s Dad and I aren’t together. He moved 30 minutes away and now lives in the countryside.
He expects me to drive to his new home but it’s very hilly and is in the arse end of nowhere, I really don’t feel comfortable driving there in my small car. For reference his own Mum also won’t drive there in her small car.

I also really don’t like motorway driving in my car as I feel nervous as it’s so small and I have to put my youngest in the front seat rear facing. This means anywhere the children need to go that includes motorway driving DC’s Dad has to take them.

I can’t afford to upgrade my car at the moment.

DC’s Dad thinks I’m being unreasonable about driving but he has a huge car (I would feel safe if I had his car as the children are all in proper car seats in the middle of back of the car).

AIBU?

Why buy a car you don't want to drive? was it a pretty colour? Cute looking?? 😆

Well, her dad definitely shouldn’t be driving.

How can somewhere be in the arse end of nowhere and a short thirty minute drive from a city?

A 2015 fiat 500 with 50 on the clock is about £3-4k to buy, there are thousands of larger cars with five doors available in the the UK for a similar price or less. So it does seem a bit odd to choose a car you don’t like, when there was no need to do so.

Mad. As fiat 500s are made for all the twisting and turning of winding roads and the cliff side Roads of Italy.

They are fine on the motorway. The only way to get over is to do it. Stick to the slow lane give yourself extra time but it’s not really fair to put all the driving on him because you have a small car.

30 minutes isn’t really long distance.

As I said previously you shouldn’t be driving at all, neither should his mother!

Bloody liabilities!

Don’t like motorways, hills, twists or turns!

Could you stretch to an advanced driving course, to give you more confidence in your own safety in your own car? Advanced Driver Course | IAM RoadSmart

I do hope you never have to dream of an income so small that all you can afford is a small car🙄

@CheeseSandwich1 I grew up in the arse end of nowhere, no white lines or street lights type of nowhere. My first car was a little Nissan micra, I got it up and down that road in rain, hail and drifting snow! My first trip out was down the motorway to the big shopping centre that I was desperate to go to! I have mostly always had small cars, shockingly even when my children were little.

Your anxiety around driving is more likely to cause you issues than they type of car you drive!

You are obviously pissed off about how he has treated you and the financial settlement you received. Whether or not you are reasonable to feel like that, I don’t know. But, it has happened now. Even if he did screw you over, wasting your time being (understandably) bitter and angry about it, only hurts you.
A Fiat 500 is perfectly safe for a 30 minute drive, as you know op. I had one and drove all over the country in it. I loved it, dirt cheap to insure and fill up.
If he has behaved like a complete twat, your best revenge here is to live well. Yes you might “only” have a Fiat 500, but it’s yours, you bought it, that is brilliant.
And, if he is as much of a selfish twat as you suggest, you are now rid of him, which is also brilliant!

I didn't vote as you are not unreasonable to expect him to do some running about given he chose to move but you are unreasonable not to build up your confidence on the road in general.

I can't believe how manipulative you are being. This is all a big game because you want him to buy you a big car. You're not together and he doesn't owe you a car.

Your finances are the way they are because of choices that you made. Of course you're getting loads of support on here because they all love this type of thing.

YANBU OP but Google Maps has a setting so that it will avoid motorways. Sat navs are part of the driving test nowadays (so I am told)

What type of thing?
Many, many posters have told the OP that she can’t expect to have a car bought for her.

It’s a legal, roadworthy car, not a go-kart. Why wouldn’t you drive on any roads? Not sure I understand the problem.

That is exactly the sort of terrain that small cars are good at.

At least that is my experience.

Yes, it’s like OP had no control that she was in a relationship with a man 20 years her senior, had two children quickly and wasn’t married or arranged any financial security. Two difficult pregnancies meaning she couldn’t work, all very risky in quick succession was quite foolhardy in such a fragile situation.

Im not sure why the fact he’s so much older has become an issue and cause for anger,

I don't do motorway driving as i lack confidence and get very nervous making me liable to cause an accident, I just take the back roads hilly or narrow! Of course it takes longer to get somewhere but id rather do that than make a dangerous error on a motorway endangering my life and others potentially. Everyday driving im fine !

Sorry but this is hilarious. I had a classic mini when DS was a baby and never gave it a second thought when driving him around in it. Trust me, that was a lot smaller than a Fiat 500 and had absolutely no safety features whatsoever.

I’ve now got an ancient Smart ForTwo and regularly drive that on the motorway, and do 2-3 hour journeys in it when I go camping. Other than a little bit of drag when I overtake a lorry, it’s no different to being in a bigger car.

Get some advanced driving lessons to improve your confidence.

Women who couldn't be bothered to look after their own interests, expecting their ex to look after them.

I didn't say everyone agreed with her.

Why can't you put the baby in the back seat?

Or is this one of those situation where you've bought a huge extended rear facing car seat for a 5 year old that won't fit in the back?

No wonder you're angry OP. He's an arsehole, no doubt about it.
ake your peace with that and concentrate on you and your kids:

dont drive to his. He wants them, he drives.

I suspect a lot of people drive big cars as they are nervous and can’t actually drive competently. There is no reason why a fiat 500 can’t be driven on very hilly roads providing the gear is correct. And there are thousands of 500’s on the motorway every day.

You're talking rubbish. It's just not true to say you live in the inner city, he loves 100m from a national park, those 2 areas are a 30 min drive apart but he also lives in the arse end of nowhere.

Arse end of nowhere is not a 30 min drive from a big city.

Also, how can there possibly be substantial motorway driving on a 30 min journey which starts in the inner city and ends on the arse end of nowhere?

Also, front seat rear facing is perfectly safe as long as the air bag is switched off.

You need to let go of your anger to him. It's done, it is what it is. Don't let it limit your children's life because you won't drive to spite him. And get some lessons to build your confidence up

That is totally fair enough too, because everyone is different.

But it appears OP does not like motorways or small roads.

Personally, I am ok with motorways , A roads and rural, but it is urban driving I am not keen on. But OP appears ok with urban.

Why is he an arsehole?

So, your advice is to be a completely uncooperative co parent out of pure spite?

I’m not a confident driver. I drive a Ford KA on the motorway and up hills. The hills bit is completely down to the driver, it’s hilly around here and I just have to make sure I’m selecting the right gear.

I’ve got a two year old who I drive around regularly in it too.