Refusing to drive on a motorway/long distance in a Fiat 500?

[CheeseSandwich1]

What the title says really!

DC’s Dad and I aren’t together. He moved 30 minutes away and now lives in the countryside.
He expects me to drive to his new home but it’s very hilly and is in the arse end of nowhere, I really don’t feel comfortable driving there in my small car. For reference his own Mum also won’t drive there in her small car.

I also really don’t like motorway driving in my car as I feel nervous as it’s so small and I have to put my youngest in the front seat rear facing. This means anywhere the children need to go that includes motorway driving DC’s Dad has to take them.

I can’t afford to upgrade my car at the moment.

DC’s Dad thinks I’m being unreasonable about driving but he has a huge car (I would feel safe if I had his car as the children are all in proper car seats in the middle of back of the car).

AIBU?

And how do you suggest they get to school - the school she fudged information to get them into?

They were literally built for the Italian hills and mountains to replace donkeys.

I’ve got a little car, it’s our main car it goes and does everything. It’s great. Never underestimate the little ones.
this is a you thing not a car thing, maybe book some lessons or get a confident driver to take you out to get your confidence up.

How do you cope only limiting yourself to places that don't require a motorway trip? That sounds so limiting.

But yes, YABU to limit yourself and your kids, the 'I don't want to drive on a motorway because of my car' sounds like a really flimsy excuse. You can stay in the left hand lane pootling along at 60mph if you really needed to. I think the answer here is to increase your confidence driving.

OP, you haven't said how much of this journey is actually on the motorway. Given that it's 30 minutes away and you say there are all those hills and sharp bends, it must be fairly minimal?

I drove a Micra for years in the 80s/90s. Iwas perfectly happy driving it on the motorway. I have to say though that as I’ve got older I prefer a medium sized car, my last two have been A3s.

I understand you're nervous, but you need to get over it and drive. Like others have said, lessons might be a good option. Otherwise, you will never drive anywhere apart from in town, if 30 minutes, and hills, scares you. Good practice if you want to go away for a weekend somewhere in the UK. This is your issue, you need to fix it.

But I don't understand living where I do! In fact one of the most useful attributes a car can have in my situation - more so than 4wd, ground clearance or wading depth - is to be reasonably narrow. Big cars being driven by poor drivers are a total pain for all concerned on tight country roads, doubly so if they're precious about them and think driving up a grass verge will cause their Range Rover to explode.

Why isn’t he picking the DC up?

30 mins away is hardly the arse end of nowhere

So this maybe about him upgrading your car rather than you being a nervous driver. You've mentioned several times the car your ex drives, its immaterial which car you drive - but how you drive. I've driven1572 miles Birmingham to Faro in a vw UP, it doesn't matter what the car is just drive safely.

If you are really a nervous driver then a course of motorway driving would be useful.

My aygo is a trooper car so im not buying this 😂
do you want him to get you a new car?

I've driven 1 litre Aygos on the motorways for years, its only now that I've gone hybrid that I went to a slightly bigger car with a slightly more powerful engine, but a Fiat 500 will be fine. You just need to drive it to the speed everyone else is doing.

My friend has an old VW UP. He is a single dad and he and his son go everywhere in it, and he would certainly never be asking his ex to upgrade it for him.

Modern small cars, even those with a engine of one litre or thereabouts, have power outputs of over 60PS. A lot more than the Issigonis Mini 850/1000 many of us cut our driving teeth on 40+ years ago. Mine went up Wrynose and Hard Knott with no difficulty albeit in second gear.

Twice when hiring cars in Madeira the agent has tried to tell me the car I've chosen is 'only' one litre and might struggle on the steep island roads. An upgrade is available at a not inconsiderable number of Euros.

I'm not sure 'do I look as though I'm still wet behind the ears' translates into Portuguese but asking how their Grandparents managed in the era of the 2CV and Renault 4 would do the job.

The first time she'd actually folded the hire agreement in such a way as to conceal the engine being (I think) 110PS. It was certainly north of 90.

In my view your problems can be solved by targeted driving lessons--you explain your particular issue and the instructor will get you used to motorways and hills in a comparable car and a safe environment. Not worth restricting your freedom due to these fears.

I love my car and as I pop a bike on the roof (it has roof rack and bike attachments) I have to sue up with all the caravans and motorhomes at the port and sit nessedled in-between them on the ferry, I feel very tiny then

As for the OP I think there is a lot more going on with this than motorway driving. Op I am assuming is very angry about her divorce, the ex moving away and leaving her with a lot less money than previously.

Id say, you can be bitter or happy, you get to choice op and ive been divorced, when I was still pg and he was a philander. Left me high and dry and I had an old Peugeot 108 that I had my baby in the front seat, the carrycot in the back and pram in the boot with dc1 in back also. The speedo didn't work but I had so much fun with my dc in that car going places.

I did manage to sell the Peugeot and buy a second hand saloon car 4 door which made things easier. I wanted to go camping in Spain though and even I couldn't manage to get everything for us in the Peugeot

You could look at selling the fiat 500 and buying a small old salon car - they will be about the same price. It will not be anything fancy.

My daughter and her then boyfriend (now husband) drove from Devon/Cornwall to the Western Isles and back in a Peugeot 107 with, according to Google, 75PS.

No issues at all.

I think YABU. Your car is roadworthy and you only have 2 children.
But I've only ever had small cars, so have had to use them to drive wherever I need to go. However, i have had an accident on a motorway when I was much younger, and yes it does affect my confidence, even 35 years later. However, not to the extent that I wont drive on motorways.
A lot of my driving is in lanes "in the middle of nowhere" and smaller cars are far easier to drive.
I understand this isnt the car you are used to, but this is the new normal for you, so maybe time to build your confidence with the fiat.
As for should your ex be driving to you, well, thats a whole different question.

a quick look and you could buy a second hand ford focus for between £1000 and £1500

how much would you get for your fiat 500? have you had a look online to see what the [price is for it?

It is.
Years ago I had a friend whose dad was in the police. He cautioned her against buying a Mini as he'd seen too many awful crashes because there is so little metal at the front in a head-on crash.

Yes, things have improved but you have to understand an accident in a large car like a Defender is going to protect you more than a Fiat 500.

I've driven a saxo, a mini cooper & astra. Never bothered me at all. Now I have a hyundai tuscon - love it. The car isn't the issue it's your confidence. The more you do it the more confident you'll be.

OP, if you don't feel safe driving the kids on the motorway/in hilly areas in your present car, then you don't feel safe.

You are going to have to get to grips with the school run, but why bother to add on the stress of driving the children to your ex's house on top of that? What's in it for you?

Tell him that you won't be driving them to his house at the moment, but you'll reassess when you can afford a bigger car.

there's no law that says small card aren't allowed on motorways as far as i'm aware.

Most people drive more than 30 mins just to go to work everyday

Have you disabled the airbag for the car seat in the front?

We drove Holyhead to Yorkshire, several times in a 20 year old Honda Jazz. Best road trips we’ve ever had ❤️