Refusing to drive on a motorway/long distance in a Fiat 500?

[CheeseSandwich1]

What the title says really!

DC’s Dad and I aren’t together. He moved 30 minutes away and now lives in the countryside.
He expects me to drive to his new home but it’s very hilly and is in the arse end of nowhere, I really don’t feel comfortable driving there in my small car. For reference his own Mum also won’t drive there in her small car.

I also really don’t like motorway driving in my car as I feel nervous as it’s so small and I have to put my youngest in the front seat rear facing. This means anywhere the children need to go that includes motorway driving DC’s Dad has to take them.

I can’t afford to upgrade my car at the moment.

DC’s Dad thinks I’m being unreasonable about driving but he has a huge car (I would feel safe if I had his car as the children are all in proper car seats in the middle of back of the car).

AIBU?

From what I have seen the occupant death rate in SUV's is higher than other cars as they have a tendency to turn over

Everyone is focusing on the motorway.
But, the location of his new home is very rural. We don’t know where. But if a hilly and prone to flooding I can see why she is concerned.
In some places many people have a 4x4 for a reason !

I completely understand because I’ve lost
my confidence in driving as I’ve got older so I won’t drive on motorways anymore and I don’t have to anyway.
If he’s moved away then he should be collecting them anyway. If you’d be happy to compromise would you be willing to drive them nearer to him but not get on the motorway? I mean a different route where you can avoid it but you’re still showing willing?

I’m so sorry OP, you are very bitter and understandably so. In your position I would ask for nothing for him - he won’t give it to you anyway and will love your desperation I suspect. I would howeve use any legal means at my disposal as some helpful posters have suggested.
Im afraid you are just going to have to drive to the school despite your discomfort with your car - of course you put your children first and I applaud you for that. But I don’t get why you have to drive to your ex’s place at all. He moved away, so he can pick up and drop off his children. I would not be accommodating him in any way. Ok, if he doesn’t like it he can take you to court and force you to - well let him then. Refuse until that happens.

There is nothing wrong with a Fiat 500, and 30 minutes is not "long distance", it's not even mid-distance, it's quite a short trip. YABVVVVVU. You should probably get supplementary driving lessons to improve your confidence.

Fair point. 😌

Maybe counselling instead of driving lessons or both.

There is a lot of fixation on 4x4's and SUV's

1. Unless you have the proper training a 4X4 is just a bigger vehicle to lose control of
2. Whatever you have unless its amphibious you should NEVER enter water in a vehicle, 4x4 owners have a lethal tendency to do this
3. If the weathers poor then look at the forecast and whats happening and make an appropriate decision irrespective if if you are in a Fiat 126 or a Range Rover - and the decision in most cases should be identical

30 minutes away is slightly more than my daily drive to the rail station 🥴

Unreasonable and absolutely ridiculous in my opinion.

I was, ahem, speeding on a the motorway recently and was overtaken by a Fiat 500!

It's obviously a shitty situation but at least you've got a car to use. Can you get a smaller stroller that'll fit in the boot or front seat so that your LO can sit in the back?

Fiat 500 is NCAP 5 star. It’s obviously not a great family car. His car is definitely a high class family car! it’s also 5 star but there’s a big difference in these cars. As a mum, I’ve no idea why the op had a Fiat 500 in the first place.

30 mins is not far. Plus she needs to disable front air bags with a child in the front seat. That makes it less safe. Ex is clearly not looking out for dc but neither has op. She just had a girly run around.

Obviously ex doesn’t care but we don’t know what money he has. The Fiat is ok but needs replacing. It does have 2 seats in the back though so not sure why dc aren’t in the back.

But that isn’t why she’s concerned. She’s concerned because she feels entitled to a bigger car.

Whether OP feels it’s right or wrong, they are now separated parents in different households. If she wants a bigger car, she will need to buy it herself. Where would it end otherwise? A bigger car again in 15 years time when they are teens and need more leg room?

All those saying he should fund a new car for her, I wonder whether their answer would be the same if OP was the higher earner and he was demanding SHE bought HIM a new car!!

Then make the CMS do their job properly and take into account his dividends, lifestyle incompatible with income etc

The OP has not mentioned flooding once, but you have now mentioned it at least 3 times. I live very rurally - in the North York Moors. There are many steep hills. There are narrow roads. There are bends. We get floods now and again. There are sheep. Possibly werewolves. Despite this loads of local people do perfectly well with perfectly normal cars, including Fiat 500s. It is fine. Stop being wet.

He doesnt have a responsibility to buy you a car. You have one.

You're what, early 30s now? Why cant you get a job? How did he fuck your finances, and still be able to afford a 90k car?

Can you get smaller seats for both of them? We managed a four year old and a one year old rear-facing in a Fiat 500... You need a more slimline seat but it is possible.

Honestly, after you've done it a few times you will feel confident, I promise. You could always do it with a driving instructor if you are really anxious. I think that unfamiliar roads are hard, but with familiarity it becomes much easier: you know where to pause and where to speed up.

I've always had ancient small cars. Big cars give a false sense of security IMO.

As long as there are HGVs on the road, any car of any size is 'small' and vulnerable in comparison. Yes a Fiat 500 is a little bit smaller than the average car, but it is the size of the HGV that matters more in this equation.
Treat lorries with respect whatever car you are in and crack on with life.

You sound similar to my mother. She also won't drive on the motorway, regardless of what she is driving, because she is too anxious... and that was reinforced by one of her parents. As a result, her world (and ours, when we were younger) is very small. I did not want to be stuck there forever (as I was encouraged to be), so I started motorway driving in the 'slow' lane and at quieter times to build up my confidence, just on short journeys at first... in a Toyota Aygo. Since then, I've been all over England and into Wales. I've never had an accident.

Anxiety takes over your life, if you let it. It's hard to get past it, but it's doable, in small steps. Once you've done it a few times, it builds your confidence and you question why you were so reluctant in the first place!

Half an hour? I thought you meant an hour at least.

YABU, and possibly a bit bloody minded.

I was trying to understand where her anxiety was coming from.
My original post mentioned flooding because depending on her location I wondered if it was something that could happen. And why a larger car makes sense. As you will understand living where you do.
It would seem she feels aggrieved that her ex is not willing to stump up some cash to help her buy a bigger car.
Given that situation I would, as I originally suggested, think he has to pick up his children.

I lived on the side of a mountain until recenlty, one of the highest houses in the country, I had an 03 Fiesta when DD was a baby, it was fine. We never had a 4x4 and only got snowed in a handful of time, 4 days last winter was the longest, and it was great fun!!

Don’t tell me. Tell the OP then.

Errr, I'm not sure you quite understand how normal forum interaction occurs.

He needs to pick them off then drop them back again.