Refusing to drive on a motorway/long distance in a Fiat 500?

[CheeseSandwich1]

What the title says really!

DC’s Dad and I aren’t together. He moved 30 minutes away and now lives in the countryside.
He expects me to drive to his new home but it’s very hilly and is in the arse end of nowhere, I really don’t feel comfortable driving there in my small car. For reference his own Mum also won’t drive there in her small car.

I also really don’t like motorway driving in my car as I feel nervous as it’s so small and I have to put my youngest in the front seat rear facing. This means anywhere the children need to go that includes motorway driving DC’s Dad has to take them.

I can’t afford to upgrade my car at the moment.

DC’s Dad thinks I’m being unreasonable about driving but he has a huge car (I would feel safe if I had his car as the children are all in proper car seats in the middle of back of the car).

AIBU?

I'm on the fence about this one.

On the one hand, it's not actually very far and, unless your car is very unreliable you should be able to manage it.

on the other hand... Why should you?

also - at one time we were a 2 car family. I had an old Jimny and he had an old Saab. If we were going somewhere together we chose what we thought was the most appropriate car. For visiting my mum down narrow country lanes and with lots of hills, the Jimny because it had 4 wheel drive to get out of ditches etc. and more torque for the hills. For long journeys and ones involving driving at speed, the Saab - it was more comfortable and made less of an effort driving at 70 miles per hour (the Jimny really struggled).

I wouldn't NOT drive a Fiat 500 on the motorway, but it's not something I would choose to do.

You are much more likely to be involved in an accident by going on non-motorway roads. UK motorways are some of the safest roads in the world.

And it's not a small difference -- like 3x or 4x the accident rates happen on A roads compared to motorways, per mile driven.

Do you have to put one car seat in the front because you are putting your buggy in the back seat? Can you get a smaller buggy that would fit into the boot/front seat? I think when you have driven your wee Fiat a bit more your confidence will grow and you will enjoy it more. At the moment the whole car situation is bound up with anger and resentment at your ex.

Just to try and make you feel better - my mum had my little boy rear facing in the front seat of her small car (can’t remember what it was but very low etc) and they got side swiped by a lorry on the passenger side. Even though the lorry hit the car where my little boy was sitting and meant the door was concaved in and couldn’t open - his car seat did not move at all and neither him or my mum had injuries even though car was written off. So small cars definitely can hold up with the safety aspect.

I do understand your frustration of it and actually sounds like the issue is the deadbeat ex and the inconvenience of the small car rather than the actual driving though.

I used to do 600 mile round trips in mine. With children in it. Never once felt I wasn’t safe.

Why purchase a small car if you don’t want to drive that small car?

Just driven my MILs fiat 500 from York to Salento in the South of Italy, on high speed toll roads and through the Alps!

30 minutes away? Assuming he is only asking for a fair share of pick ups and drop offs (50:50) then you are being totally unreasonable.

Guessing it was her first car in her early 20s and then she met her ex and it wasn’t driven for a long time. Now she is forced to drive it again as they have split up.

Oh no, anyway.

She needs to get a grip.

Nervous drivers are a danger to both themselves and to others. Quite frankly, I’d rather OP sticks to being a nervous driver in her small car. Large car or no, she’ll remain a nervous driver.

Plus, RTFT. OP chose to register her children using her ex’ address, rather than send them to a local school. Hence the school run.

How do you even get to "the arse end of nowhere" in a 30 minute drive that includes a motorway? Stop being such a wuss!

This is why motorway driving should be part of the driving test. If you can't drive confidently and safely on the motorway you shouldn't be in a car.

You refer to a Fiat 500. I assume this is the modern version and not the 500cc jobby from way back when. I was hired one on Gran Canaria. It felt small even compared with our Fabia which, derived from a Polo, is in the same category. It was fine on the motorway equivalent roads there and in the hills. Hills though needed a bit of stirring the gears.

My own Mother had similar issues; Dad did all long distance driving. In the end as a widow in her seventies she limited herself to an increasingly narrow set of routes.

Have you looked at driver training either by self help routes or a professional instructor.

https://advanced-driving.co.uk/driving-confidence-tips/

https://www.iamroadsmart.com/

I used to have two tiny Daihatsu's first a Cuore then a Charade drove all over the place with them and never thought about it, with and without oldest son who was then small

We now have a Ceed Estate which is clearly more comfortable and a Picanto. The only issue with it is that if middle son (17) is in the front seat then he can get in the way of the gearstick but he's a chunky 6ft 3

Just act like my mother did when told that we didnt have a driver so she was going to have to drive the trailer with the hot air balloon in it - never driven trailers before or balloon retrieves, she gritted her teeth and got on with it.

Depending on where you are and in particular the weather in the location I can understand reservations in a hilly place and driving with a small car. Many people living in rural areas have large 4x4’s for a reason. If it rains a lot you need one. Flooding in rural areas can happen fast. If near to a river even more so. You can avoid one road only to find another cut off as well.
The motorway is about confidence. If you were never taught to drive on one then it can be understandable.
Lessons if possible with a good instructor will open up motorways to you.
I am afraid at the moment he has to collect his children.

Most people seem to manage without it being part of the test. Plus I wouldn't want learners on the motorway.

This is exactly what I thought!

I'm a very confident driver. Have driven in several different countries and have bombed up and down the UK in a small car.

However, my current car isn't that reliable. I use it for shortish local journeys but definitely wouldn't take it on a motorway or do a longer journey. TBH if it wasn't for the school run and kids clubs, I would just get rid of it. But it cuts down massively on travel time for the DC.

But no, if you're not confident in your car @CheeseSandwich1 , I think it's fine to refuse to drive it to his house. 1) He moved so he should do the driving to / from. 2) He's got a much better car so much safer.

Of course you can drive your car on the motorway. I have a Peugeot 108 which is tiny and drive it everywhere. It is getting a bit old so sometimes argues with me up a very steep hill but it always makes it absolutely fine.

You can’t rely on your ex to take you everywhere that needs a motorway, that’s madness. 30 minutes is nothing.

I have sometimes experienced a level of helplessness with women about things mechanical or men with children, domestic equipment, cooking etc.

But compared with driving on a 'non motorway' road motorways are pretty simple, multi lane, slip roads - OK not all of these are great, numbered and well signed junctions so you know exactly where you are etc

Well they’ve been allowed since 2018!

If it is only nice wide flat roads you cand drive on, maybe you are not sufficiently competent to drive at all?

The car is too small
Scared of motorways
Scared of roads with gradient

I think you are engineering an excuse here because you have grievances against your ex.

I drive all over the place in the tiny car I have had for about 5 years (community nurse in large county with big rural community and sports in the arse end of nowhere). I can think of one occasion in this time I have had to turn around as I didn’t want to risk a flooded road.

From the way the OP describes it I would be surprised if it’s that rural. Fair enough to avoid if she’s trying to get by the river in Worcester or Maismore (or other flood risk areas) after heavy rain but most places it’s fine (and you can always turn back if needed)

They've been allowed on motorways for a few years now.