To have asked what his daughter normally eats in a foodless house??

[AlwaysSomeKunceInTheWay]

Bloke I’ve been seeing invited me over for dinner Saturday night. Idea was he’d cook dinner, I stay the night and then drive to the coast Sunday morning.

So I got there and he said he’d decided we should get a takeaway instead of him cooking. I said I don’t like to eat takeaway but I’m happy to eat anything … beans on toast would do. He said he didn’t have anything in. No bread, nothing. I’d noticed there was a pizza in the fridge so I suggested we cook that, he said no as it’s his daughters (she lives with him, 12) and she’d given strict instructions not to touch it. I said “well surely we could just replace it tomorrow before she comes home?” He said no as she’d made it herself … it was an asda pizza!! Ok she may have chosen the toppings but surely we could have just had the same one made again??

Anyway I agreed to the takeaway but made it clear that I wouldn’t be making a habit of it as I’m health conscious. I ended up paying for half of it which normally I would expect but he’d invited me over for dinner!!?

Anyway next morning we got up, he made a coffee and then said we’d only be able to have the one as he was running low on coffee but he said he had plenty of tea bags in. I don’t drink tea.

Anyway time is ticking on and he asked if I was ready to head out to the coast … I said “are we not having any breakfast?” He replied “I don’t really have anything in”. So I said “no cereal?” He said no. I said “what do you normally do for breakfast?” So he said “I don’t normally bother or I have a packet of crisps”.

Now the next thing I said is my AIBU …

I said “what does your daughter eat for breakfast?”. He looked pissed off and started stuttering etc before saying she just has crisps or whatever. I didn’t say anything else but I told him I’d be stopping off at shop on the way to buy MYSELF something to eat. He then starts banging on about McDonald’s breakfast etc etc which I refused.

Hes messaged me this morning saying he’s a bit upset that I implied his daughter isn’t well taken care of. I simply asked what she normally had for breakfast since there was fuck all in the cupboards!!

Was I wrong to ask??

My thoughts too.
If he really cared about you (and his daughter) he would try a lot harder!! 🚩🚩

I’d leave the relationship. Honestly, this is weird.

What sort of things would you buy that would be used in one meal though?

Most things, like a bag of potatoes, or porridge, or bread or crackers, or cheese, tin of tuna, bag of peas, jar of mayo etc, would last for more than one meal

Perhaps he does as well which explains his poor executive functioning and self neglect.

The child has 2 parents who are responsible for her care. Mum does need to be informed that her daughter might not being fed properly.

If she enters into a CHIN or CP plan, both parents will be involved.

But what about things that you buy in larger quantities than you can eat in one sitting like bread, ketchup, jam, butter? Surely at some point you’d have half a jar of jam, half a tub of ketchup etc?

Did you buy ready meals instead of ingredients? Eg a frozen lasagna, a refrigerated apple pie? What about breakfast? If you were thirsty, was it water only?

I have always been an ingredients person so I’m really intrigued by this, I’m definitely not asking in a snarky way.

Edited to say sorry, I see you don’t have breakfast. What about lunch? I’m genuinely fascinated!

Me too, Ive got 2 entire cupboards of spices alone. I cant comprehend this.

Well done for ending it OP.

What a total loser.
Yes you should have gone home.
Lesson learned.

Well done for emailing the school.
Poor child.

this

So no effort for his daughter to be able to eat a balanced diet.

He invites you for "dinner" @AlwaysSomeKunceInTheWay but gets nothing in so he could not cook for you.

He will be low effort with everything. You deserve more than that (so does his daughter).

What makes me uneasy in this situation is it seems to me that you are staying over at the house of someone that you don't know at all. I think I'd feel a bit freaked out by the empty, except for 1 pizza, kitchen.

How well did you think you know this guy? I have seen he has stayed at yours. How many times have you been on a date, out for a meal or drink? Out for the day? It just feels like you are going to a strangers house and that seems dangerous to me.

As someone reluctant to have even a single takeaway he seems completely incompatible with you. I have seen you have ended it now but I think you need to get to know someone more before going to their place.

This. No food to feed his DD. So she gets terrified you might eat her pizza. I'd feel sorry for the DD but dump the negle tful Dad.

Social care referral. The fact that he couldn't even answer what his daughter has for breakfast is very alarming

There are plenty tastier and healthier takeaways than an Asda pizza so I wouldn’t have been encouraging him to eat his daughters food but after everything I highly doubt I’d still have headed off on a day trip the next day. Sounds a bit of a loser 😬

It might be useful to build up a picture. They could already have other concerns.

I definitely wouldn’t see him again, he clearly can’t be arsed with you and even worse, with his daughter. I couldn’t be involved with someone like that.

It was also shit that he didn’t cook and you shouldn’t have paid for the takeaway.

But, you were being precious about the takeaway. You could have ordered loads of healthier options that the Asda pizza.

Every word of this.

I would find it impossible to continue to see a man who couldn't fulfil a child's basic need to be fed, I really would.

And I'd have to make sure he knew that this was the main reason that I could never see him again. Fuck the 'you implied I'm neglecting her' - he IS neglecting her.

Him trying to claim victimhood here is the icing on the (non-existent, never bought, never will be bought, let alone baked by him personally) cake.

Poor fucking girl.

I bought lunch daily. No butter, no jam, the occasional bottle of salad cream.

I never understood the meal planning thing - I sort of get it with a family but I didn’t know what I wanted to eat from one day to the next.

Yes, I understand that, but an email, presumably to a general contact address, from an unknown person who has stayed over once, while the 12 year old was not present, alleging there was only a pizza in the house, is not going to add much value to a file. Particularly as the OP says the child is overweight.

I have to admit, I was thinking, not even a gyoza in the freezer?

😂

@AlwaysSomeKunceInTheWay guy sounds awful and I’d definitely not want to date him but I don’t understand your point about takeaways.

It’s just food you order to your house - do you never eat in restaurants either? Just order the healthy option you’d normally order from the restaurant.

You were prepared to eat the frozen pizza so presumably you are happy to eat the occasional pizza - why not just order a takeaway pizza with as many healthy veg toppings as possible.

Or most Chinese and Indian restaurants have healthy options. You could have got sushi or a bean based option from a Mexican restaurant.

There's every likelihood that there was an email for pastoral care or specifically for safeguarding on the school's website. It's immaterial that OP stayed there once. It is clearly normal that there is no food or drinks in the house.and the jouse isn't clean or tidy. The child being overweight is actually an indicator of possible neglect. The school has a duty to upload the concern and they may already be aware of lots of other concerns.

He sounds dirty, tight and clueless.

What did you eat for lunch and dinner?

@AlwaysSomeKunceInTheWay thank you for emailing the school.

Too many people think 'leave them to it' and don't actually step up to safeguard children.