To have asked what his daughter normally eats in a foodless house??

[AlwaysSomeKunceInTheWay]

Bloke I’ve been seeing invited me over for dinner Saturday night. Idea was he’d cook dinner, I stay the night and then drive to the coast Sunday morning.

So I got there and he said he’d decided we should get a takeaway instead of him cooking. I said I don’t like to eat takeaway but I’m happy to eat anything … beans on toast would do. He said he didn’t have anything in. No bread, nothing. I’d noticed there was a pizza in the fridge so I suggested we cook that, he said no as it’s his daughters (she lives with him, 12) and she’d given strict instructions not to touch it. I said “well surely we could just replace it tomorrow before she comes home?” He said no as she’d made it herself … it was an asda pizza!! Ok she may have chosen the toppings but surely we could have just had the same one made again??

Anyway I agreed to the takeaway but made it clear that I wouldn’t be making a habit of it as I’m health conscious. I ended up paying for half of it which normally I would expect but he’d invited me over for dinner!!?

Anyway next morning we got up, he made a coffee and then said we’d only be able to have the one as he was running low on coffee but he said he had plenty of tea bags in. I don’t drink tea.

Anyway time is ticking on and he asked if I was ready to head out to the coast … I said “are we not having any breakfast?” He replied “I don’t really have anything in”. So I said “no cereal?” He said no. I said “what do you normally do for breakfast?” So he said “I don’t normally bother or I have a packet of crisps”.

Now the next thing I said is my AIBU …

I said “what does your daughter eat for breakfast?”. He looked pissed off and started stuttering etc before saying she just has crisps or whatever. I didn’t say anything else but I told him I’d be stopping off at shop on the way to buy MYSELF something to eat. He then starts banging on about McDonald’s breakfast etc etc which I refused.

Hes messaged me this morning saying he’s a bit upset that I implied his daughter isn’t well taken care of. I simply asked what she normally had for breakfast since there was fuck all in the cupboards!!

Was I wrong to ask??

I'm not going to get into a big argument, I don't disagree in principle, but I do suspect this thread is a bit of a windup.

I've just googled several local primaries and none of them has any contact details other than a general info@. I'm a school governor and have been involved with referrals before. There are certain ones that would immediately escalate to being taken seriously i.e. extra large bully in a house with young children, a young child left alone at home or walking about on their own.

For an allegation from a random who spent the night at the house with the child not present to be given any degree of credibility the school would have to already have a pretty substantial file on the family.

That’s the right thing to do I reckon

But surely you have basics, bread, butter,milk,cereal, potatoes, eggs, fruit and veg? These will last several days.

Perhaps its buying a sandwich or bowl of salad, just one meal

And then a ready meal or bag of salad/bits of chicken for tea.

I suppose theres no left overs then.

Expensive though.

I mean I can barely get in the fridge either theres just too much in there, and I sometimes wonder if I could simplify my life if I just ate ready made food.

But I like cooking and love ingredients and lots of different components to a meal

Plus some can’t make the most basic meal! From the items I mentioned, many meals could be made.

I dont think thats the odd thing. We get lots of referrals in which would read (in this case) - a child lives in a house where there is no food habitually in the house, no breakfast on a regular basis, the house is slightly grubby, the child is overweight

Its not a CP referral so technically we would want the parents consent to a referral.

What is odd though, is why someone would a) know what school the child goes to, given she doesnt reallly know this bloke that well and b) not just make a standard phone call or email to the Local Authority given that information is obviously known, she knows the address, knows the child's name, knows the fathers name. I dont know why OP would know the child's school

But there you are.

I know. I could live like a king on basic ingredients.

I think i would have had the ick do badly about how he 'cares' for guests and his own daughter that I couldn't have got into bed with him. Or if I did it would definitely have been the last time once I discovered he couldn't provide either of you with breakfast. He'd have to have conceived his daughter by the age of 6, absolute max, for this to be an appropriate way to live. 🤢

You don’t eat takeaway but you will eat an Asda pizza 🍕 stop it.

Did he have pillow cases and a sheet on the bed ? He sounds crap

My first thought was he hasn’t been paid yet, we’ve all been there just before payday. But even on them days I’ve freezer food & tins etc

Next thought is they survive on takeaway, either way you don’t sound compatible at all.

Tbf, he can't be THAT hard up if they're living on takeaways - they're not exactly cheap.

It's laziness, perhaps a lack of knowledge, in my opinion. Very neglectful of his daughters health.

OP is 100% not BU.

He sounds vile. What a role model! Pity his poor daughter.

YANBU. His life sounds chaotic and it’s a miracle him and his daughter don’t have scurvy. He’s really setting her up to fail on so many fronts with the terrible nutrition.

It’s clear he invited you over for sex and to buy him dinner, which is all deeply unattractive. 🫤

For some reason I am very invested and need to know if there was milk for the (unwanted) tea.

@likelysuspect in some areas there is only one school the child would go to, others being too far away.

I'm not convinced he'd be very scrupulous about changing and washing his bed linen, either.

Did he reply OP?

Yes sometimes. Its just very odd, and something I only really see on here that people make 'referrals' to school, rather than social services.

Sounds like a keeper 🤣

Id run a mile. He must be either broken or too lazy to shop, including take care of his daughter.
I'd avoid him at all costs and question what kind of dad he is

You did the right thing following up regarding food for the daughter. I’d urge the father directly to sort it out too. Good you’ve got yourself out of that one!

I didn't know women in this day and age would date an overweight man.

Is that because you don’t know how to meal plan or cook?

I very rarely meal plan, I just buy all the basics and a number of specialist things that I need for one dish, and eat them in any order. For example I always have bread, beans, butter and cheese in so that beans on toast and cheese on toast just from stuff I have in permanently in the cupboard/fridge/freezer.

Then if I have carrots and courgettes, or I buy them with a plan, I can do the curry thing I like. The other ingredients for that are covered in my basics.

But I don’t say ‘today is Monday so I’m having the thing I planned for’.

So do you shop every day or two? Sometimes I don’t go for a fortnight!