To have asked what his daughter normally eats in a foodless house??

[AlwaysSomeKunceInTheWay]

Bloke I’ve been seeing invited me over for dinner Saturday night. Idea was he’d cook dinner, I stay the night and then drive to the coast Sunday morning.

So I got there and he said he’d decided we should get a takeaway instead of him cooking. I said I don’t like to eat takeaway but I’m happy to eat anything … beans on toast would do. He said he didn’t have anything in. No bread, nothing. I’d noticed there was a pizza in the fridge so I suggested we cook that, he said no as it’s his daughters (she lives with him, 12) and she’d given strict instructions not to touch it. I said “well surely we could just replace it tomorrow before she comes home?” He said no as she’d made it herself … it was an asda pizza!! Ok she may have chosen the toppings but surely we could have just had the same one made again??

Anyway I agreed to the takeaway but made it clear that I wouldn’t be making a habit of it as I’m health conscious. I ended up paying for half of it which normally I would expect but he’d invited me over for dinner!!?

Anyway next morning we got up, he made a coffee and then said we’d only be able to have the one as he was running low on coffee but he said he had plenty of tea bags in. I don’t drink tea.

Anyway time is ticking on and he asked if I was ready to head out to the coast … I said “are we not having any breakfast?” He replied “I don’t really have anything in”. So I said “no cereal?” He said no. I said “what do you normally do for breakfast?” So he said “I don’t normally bother or I have a packet of crisps”.

Now the next thing I said is my AIBU …

I said “what does your daughter eat for breakfast?”. He looked pissed off and started stuttering etc before saying she just has crisps or whatever. I didn’t say anything else but I told him I’d be stopping off at shop on the way to buy MYSELF something to eat. He then starts banging on about McDonald’s breakfast etc etc which I refused.

Hes messaged me this morning saying he’s a bit upset that I implied his daughter isn’t well taken care of. I simply asked what she normally had for breakfast since there was fuck all in the cupboards!!

Was I wrong to ask??

And you can't afford takeaways

He sounds like a shit dad and a man child who is incapable of doing normal things such as having some basic food in, cleaning or making a small amount of effort for someone he is dating. Sounds like a total deadbeat, lazy loser and I feel really sorry for his daughter. I hope she gets fed properly by her mother.

I would block him and move on, raise your standards and find an actual functioning adult (if you want). Would also consider reporting him.

I'm no pearl clutcher but absolutely tell the school and do a children's safeguarding, you can often do this online.

Poor girl is really bring set up to fail. He needs parenting classes and a telling off.

And to think people people agonise in here about a weekly McDonald's!

Yeah that’s neglect op i would be contacting social services.

Well any dreams of sharing a lovely home cooked meal and enjoying cooking for each other are well and truly over. Unless you want to do all the cooking and food shopping forever or live off takaways then throw this one back.

I'd like to warn the op that this bloke sounds like exh , who is a terrible father and an absolute shitbag. My kids would return from his house ravenous and raid the fridge immediately because dad would only think about getting food when he was hungry , rather than stocking up on healthy foods for growing kids.

I can't blame this man's daughter for being possessive of her pizza if she didn't know when the fridge would be filled again. Poor kid , she's being failed.

I’m just wondering how often he changes his bedding. I’m having grim mental images. @AlwaysSomeKunceInTheWay whats his personal hygiene etc like if this is how lazy he is with the basics of adulting?

The fact that he had empty cupboards and the only thing in the freezer was a pizza which he said his dd had made herself when it was an Asda one suggests he is too dysfunctional and of really low intelligence that he is incapable of looking after a child.

I would be messaging the girls mother with your concerns

Plus I would be dumping someone who didn’t know how to use a supermarket. And had invited you round for a meal and hadn’t given a moments thought on what you would eat and drink, not just for dinner but for breakfast the next day

The mother is very strange, she left after shagging a bloke at work but had no fixed abode and just sofa surfs, I think she has mental health problems (not been mean, I’ve seen her a couple of times walking around town talking to herself and we bumped into her once and she started ranting on about traffic cones etc making no sense at all).

No I won’t be seeing him again and I’ve emailed the school.

Just seen your update.

I would be messaging SS because neither appear to know how to look after a child

Please tell me you've dumped his stained arse?

Regarding the pizza, the pizza counter at our Asda is always open on a Sunday. I didn’t want to eat the pizza, it’s just that it was the only thing in! I’d been at work all day and was exhausted and hungry by time I got there. In hindsight I should have just come straight home.

Too many women have extremely low expectations.

Blimey, I'm glad you've messaged the school. That poor girl!

Soo did you reward the low effort with a shag or not?

It sounds like a pretty obvious case of neglect. The only reasons I can think of to have literally no food in the house (other than extreme poverty) are if you're either going on holiday or moving house the next day. I'd try to contact her school's safeguarding lead. And obviously you've dumped this prince of a man????

I am betting it is a yes!Anyone else?

I guess she had to get something out of this visit (assuming he's good in bed that is)!

I remember blokes like this when I was in my late teens/early 20s but that was bad enough! A bloke old enough to have a 12 year old daughter and his own place? No thank you.

It isn't normal to have literally no food
In your cupboards, even if you are due a food shop.
Most people would have something in their cupboards eg a few tins such as baked beans, tinned tomatoes, bit if pasta, stuff like part-consumed boxes of cereal, end of a loaf of bread, one or two bits of fruit, maybe the end of a bag of carrots, potatoes etc. It's not at all normal to have totally bare cupboards before a food shop. That's poverty.

That poor girl.

No wonder she was so emphatic about the pizza, she knows it’s the only thing in the house.

He isn’t taking care of her properly. You did the right thing telling him straight and telling the school.

And obviously he has shown himself not compatible with you.

Poor girl

I would phone social services. This 12 year old sounds neglected. No food in the house and crisps for breakfast is very concerning. Also her being fiercely protective of her only item of food (Asda pizza) is a massive red flag for food insecurity. it is every adults responsibility to look out for children and young people and report neglect.
also you sound incompatible-you are health conscious and look after yourself. He eats crisps for breakfast.

Actually it’s not always poverty. There are many reasons why it might be the case.

Not everyone likes the kind of staples that most people have in their cupboards. It is often more efficient to shop as you go.

I wouldn’t have invited someone to come round for something to eat in that position though ☺️

Is he skint? Toss that one back.

If I have guests staying over, I make sure I have milk, tea, coffee, bread, milk and eggs as minimum.
I’d also be annoyed at having to pay for a takeaway when he said he’d cook.
Regardless, you both obviously have different lifestyles. He doesn’t want to eat healthily and you do. It’s never going to work.

His daughter lives on takeout food because her dad is a shit dad who doesn't keep food in the home and cook it.

Having been a kid in that situation, you were extremely unreasonable to suggest eating her pizza. That's her only food and he wouldn't have replaced it in a timely manner. She would have gone without. You would have missed a meal. She would have missed for who knows how long. She's fucking hungry.

Your new bf is a neglectful piece of shit dad. You should call social services.

When my dad first split with my mum he lived like this for a bit. They had been together since he was 20 something and he’d gone straight from living with his mates (living off bacon sandos) to my mum cooking for him. Sometimes when men first split they can be a bit like this (and I’m not saying it’s okay btw it’s just a fact). If he’s been split form the girls mum long enough to be dating though he really really should have sorted himself out…