To have asked what his daughter normally eats in a foodless house??

[AlwaysSomeKunceInTheWay]

Bloke I’ve been seeing invited me over for dinner Saturday night. Idea was he’d cook dinner, I stay the night and then drive to the coast Sunday morning.

So I got there and he said he’d decided we should get a takeaway instead of him cooking. I said I don’t like to eat takeaway but I’m happy to eat anything … beans on toast would do. He said he didn’t have anything in. No bread, nothing. I’d noticed there was a pizza in the fridge so I suggested we cook that, he said no as it’s his daughters (she lives with him, 12) and she’d given strict instructions not to touch it. I said “well surely we could just replace it tomorrow before she comes home?” He said no as she’d made it herself … it was an asda pizza!! Ok she may have chosen the toppings but surely we could have just had the same one made again??

Anyway I agreed to the takeaway but made it clear that I wouldn’t be making a habit of it as I’m health conscious. I ended up paying for half of it which normally I would expect but he’d invited me over for dinner!!?

Anyway next morning we got up, he made a coffee and then said we’d only be able to have the one as he was running low on coffee but he said he had plenty of tea bags in. I don’t drink tea.

Anyway time is ticking on and he asked if I was ready to head out to the coast … I said “are we not having any breakfast?” He replied “I don’t really have anything in”. So I said “no cereal?” He said no. I said “what do you normally do for breakfast?” So he said “I don’t normally bother or I have a packet of crisps”.

Now the next thing I said is my AIBU …

I said “what does your daughter eat for breakfast?”. He looked pissed off and started stuttering etc before saying she just has crisps or whatever. I didn’t say anything else but I told him I’d be stopping off at shop on the way to buy MYSELF something to eat. He then starts banging on about McDonald’s breakfast etc etc which I refused.

Hes messaged me this morning saying he’s a bit upset that I implied his daughter isn’t well taken care of. I simply asked what she normally had for breakfast since there was fuck all in the cupboards!!

Was I wrong to ask??

Did you actually stay the night? He’s completely irresponsible, a shit father, not a fully functioning human, has a dirty house, is fat and seems to live on takeaways. How unattractive.

Poor child. 😞

Now that you are aware of neglect it’s your responsibility to pass on that information to safeguarding via the councils social services department. Safeguarding is everyone’s responsibility after all.

That poor 12 year old.

And you weren’t treated well at all either OP.

More red flags the a Communist Party rally!

This is what I was thinking. Mine also didn't eat breakfast in the 12 -16 years. Did you actually go through his cupboards/ freezer and there was nothing? I go shopping on a Monday and often we will have a takeaway on Saturday so the only thing in the fridge is whatever I have planned for Sunday tea 🤷‍♀️ I wouldnt be impressed that he invited me for dinner and then I had to pay for half a takeaway though!

wow..he sounds a real catch.....if he treat you like shit this early in the relationship....batten down the hatch, youre in for a bumpy ride long term

Crisps for breakfast? He sounds completely feckless. That would have been the end for me...

He has no food in the house to feed his child. His child is so used to food poverty she has to make a huge fuss for him not to steal her food. That is neglect not efficient.

Honestly I'd be tempted to report the lazy fucker to SS for child neglect. He has a 12 year old and there's no food in the house and or he feeds her take aways? This is not a decent man.

This is the honeymoon period, right now is the most effort he will put into this relationship and he can’t even be bothered to make you dinner or buy in some breakfast? The fact he doesn’t even do the very basics of parenting is such an ick too!

But you can't put the child aside. Because he has a child. Who lives with him. He should have some basic essentials in the house, milk, bread, cereal, eggs, a bunch of bananas. He's a weirdo. A selfish, neglectful weirdo. And that's even before we've got go inviting somebody over for dinner and then not cooking, but suggesting they get takeaway. Everything about this is meh.

He’s clearly skint And struggling

Nta for asking about the food for his kid he got upset at you pointing it out

This reminds me of my Dads house growing up, he never did a food shop and never had anything in for us. We’d have to remind him that we needed to eat and we’re hungry when no breakfast or lunch was provided. He would make a fuss about having to go out to get milk and cheap bread, scrabbling around for coins. Never seemed to budget for food or think about what we needed. Luckily we were only there every other weekend. Very sad for this little girl dealing with this scarcity every day.

Poor child and poor you OP! That is stressful. He is not the one for you and he can’t regicnis he had been unmasked as a poor father.

i Can’t imaging having f so little food in the house. We have tin and a freezer for emergency meals.

You do need to pass the information in to the authorities s the easiest way to do that it to phone the children’s services at the council’ rather than school.

He hasn’t got a clue though as he told you he has crisps for breakfast he doesn’t think this is wrong.

but I suspect he is not the one for you

I have had friends who had no food in the house, and they had quite serious mental-health issues. I had an all-day job interview once, stayed in Central London with the friend the night before, and went out for the interview without so much as a cup of tea or bowl of cereal the next morning as she didn't have anything.

And when my dad got older, there was never any food in the house and we'd have to send a full shop before we got there.

No food in the house is not generally a good sign.

It’s very telling, that his response to a question about his dd’s care, wasn’t to reflect on how he might do better for the child in his care, but to complain that you hurt his feelings.

Agree ! My brother was a just eat driver for a while & often delivered to the same addresses multiple times a day! He was quite shocked at the number of families just living off junk food as if it was normal.

Just run for the hills and don't look back!

Putting aside the food issue, is this really the family/situation you want to get you self involved in? And then what? Brings kids into the mix???

If it made him stop and think about his daughter's nutrition, then that's wonderful.

This is perfect. I’m absolutely disgusted with that guy!

What a shame for his daughter. I’m sure she’ll have been seriously affected by her mums behaviour and now all she’s got looking after her is a dad like that.

It’s sad how terribly some people parent and I can bet because he’s a single father he gets all this automatic applause and admiration for it (that single mums often don’t get).

Glad you won’t be seeing him again.

It's weird that he had bare cupboards when he invited you over for dinner and a morning together. Surely minimal effort to get some snacks and tea/coffee for guests. Fair enough he wanted a takeaway on a Saturday night, but not fair enough to invite you to dinner and then make you pay for the dinner. It's concerning that gives his daughter crisps for breakfast, and has no real food for her in the home. This would bother me more than the takeaway. I agree with PP's that I'd have to raise this with him and it would be a dealbreaker. If he is this low effort now, what happens when he gets comfortable?

No that’s not being nice. That’s being daft, are you seriously suggesting he doesn’t know how to do beans on toast? Or at least have additional frozen pizzas or other frozen food in for his guest and stick them in the oven?

He obviously wanted a takeaway and decided he would split it with her to cut costs, rather than properly host her like she had done with him.

OP should not be reeled into “supporting and encouraging” a man that she’s just started seeing to cook and do basic life skills. Especially when he has a child of his own.

If he’s struggling that much he isn’t ready for dating, and really needs to do some therapy and maybe seek practical help from a community centre or find some easy cheap recipes online and have a go himself. Like I managed to do when I learnt to cook as a 17 year old with my mum away.

He’s not her son or even her little brother for her to be taking that kind of responsibility on, he was meant to be a grown man and her love interest for goodness sake.

She’s done the right thing by walking away. Especially as he’s being so defensive.

Oh and you don’t need to have any cooking skills to have some cereal, milk and a loaf of bread and some fruit in for your guest. And to to get more coffee in for them.. He clearly just couldn’t be bothered.

I had similar with a guy once. I had traveled a long way and he didn’t have any dinner plans for us despite my arrival time being at 8pm. I had even gone out my way to tell him I wouldn’t be eating on the way there since I got travel sick, so he knew I’d not eaten for several hours. I ended up having to eat some gross leftovers he had.

Not only that but he didn’t have the breakfast /snack stuff I’d asked him to get me for the long weekend, which was basically a variety of fruit, and dairy free milk.

I told him what for and made him go out the next morning to get the stuff From wholefoods.

I couldn’t get past how selfish and inconsiderate he had been though and never saw him again after that weekend. I also never slept with him much to his dismay lol but there was nothing attractive about his lack of regard for me.

I'd have said I was going to the supermarket, got in my car, drove home and blocked him. Left him waiting for the food he thinks you're going to rock up with for the maximum time possible, until he finally realised you'd matched his energy and effort.