To have asked what his daughter normally eats in a foodless house??

[AlwaysSomeKunceInTheWay]

Bloke I’ve been seeing invited me over for dinner Saturday night. Idea was he’d cook dinner, I stay the night and then drive to the coast Sunday morning.

So I got there and he said he’d decided we should get a takeaway instead of him cooking. I said I don’t like to eat takeaway but I’m happy to eat anything … beans on toast would do. He said he didn’t have anything in. No bread, nothing. I’d noticed there was a pizza in the fridge so I suggested we cook that, he said no as it’s his daughters (she lives with him, 12) and she’d given strict instructions not to touch it. I said “well surely we could just replace it tomorrow before she comes home?” He said no as she’d made it herself … it was an asda pizza!! Ok she may have chosen the toppings but surely we could have just had the same one made again??

Anyway I agreed to the takeaway but made it clear that I wouldn’t be making a habit of it as I’m health conscious. I ended up paying for half of it which normally I would expect but he’d invited me over for dinner!!?

Anyway next morning we got up, he made a coffee and then said we’d only be able to have the one as he was running low on coffee but he said he had plenty of tea bags in. I don’t drink tea.

Anyway time is ticking on and he asked if I was ready to head out to the coast … I said “are we not having any breakfast?” He replied “I don’t really have anything in”. So I said “no cereal?” He said no. I said “what do you normally do for breakfast?” So he said “I don’t normally bother or I have a packet of crisps”.

Now the next thing I said is my AIBU …

I said “what does your daughter eat for breakfast?”. He looked pissed off and started stuttering etc before saying she just has crisps or whatever. I didn’t say anything else but I told him I’d be stopping off at shop on the way to buy MYSELF something to eat. He then starts banging on about McDonald’s breakfast etc etc which I refused.

Hes messaged me this morning saying he’s a bit upset that I implied his daughter isn’t well taken care of. I simply asked what she normally had for breakfast since there was fuck all in the cupboards!!

Was I wrong to ask??

I can assure you people do it

"Putting the child aside for a moment, I can’t see the issue in not having food in. I used to buy food as I needed it so never had bread/milk etc in the cupboard. My executive function was and is perfectly fine."

Yes, I live like this as well. I live close to shops so I'm not going to starve even if I have nothing in.

While I rarely have takeaways myself (preferring easy meals or restaurants), I wouldn't want to go out with someone who would refuse to have one from time to time.

He’d stand as much chance as you would, with your pleasant and charming self.

You implied OP was the problem.

Crisps?? He thinks it's ok for his daughter to eat "crisps or whatever" for breakfast??! The reason he got pissed off is because you forced him to realise how shit he is being as a dad. This isn't about you, it's about him! Needless to say, this is a massive red flag and you should run for the hills if you ask me.

If you are health conscious about what you put in your body as fuel and if you are socially conscious about children living in a home with a parent who appears not to be looking after this minor- aged child of his, I think you are being unreasonable to be with this person.
This person who thinks it's okay to have packet of crisps for breakfast and thinks it's okay for his child to have the same, and who invites you over for dinner and then says there's nothing to make dinner with, this would be a red enough flag for me.
Possibly he'd be better with someone who enjoys takeout and quick meals on the run, and then gets them to pay for them.

OP glad you're not seeing him again, he sounds like a loser. Just to add I've seen some people say to tell him you've notified the school/social services. I'd really advise against this. You don't know him well, he knows where you live. You need to be mindful of your own safety as you don't know how he'd react. Appreciate he may put 2 and 2 together anyway even without you telling him, and I'm not trying to be dramatic but just something to bear in mind as violence against women and girls is a very real thing and you telling him what you've done could put you at risk.

Ok so I get your point and your concerns, but perhaps he just doesn’t know where to start with cooking and so takes the simplest option and gets take aways! Perhaps if you supported him showed him some simple meals to cook plus the fact it would save him a fortune he might start!

I used to think this. Growing up, my mum always had (and stil has) heaving cupboards. That was the norm for us, and I just expected that that was how everyone else lived. Until I met my first proper boyfriend.

I was shocked to learn that they had literally half a bag of broth mix left every second week. They would buy a 4 pack of toilet roll and, when they inevitably ran out (as they had 6 who lived in the house, plus any visitors), they would buy a roll of kitchen roll from the local convenience shop.

It's probably more common than you think.

It doesn’t sound like you are compatible.

So you have teenagers?? Mine can go through a pack of cereal amd various yogurts with chopped fruit/honey amd refuse what ive cooked.

Ive also found on my dark hole times i can easily munch on crunchy nut cornflakes if ive hit zero on lack of food. Milk has to be warmed though.

Why the fuck should she try and teach this man baby how to look after himself. She’s right to end it.

I'd tell him I didn't have the energy due to the lack of food!

She's not going to see him again. Why would she want to teach him to cook.

What now. She’s not said he’s additional needs and he’s not a child.

yes because women should always be mens support humans Ive seen women get told on here , hang on you have only just started dating when they mention something like exclusivity but somehow the OP should be responsible for giving this tool cooking lessons?????? When they have only just started dating. Talk about double standards!! No wonder the men are laughing FFS

He’s a grown man. If he wanted to learn to cook he could get himself a basic cook book or get recipes online. It’s not up to OP to take pity on him, he’s old enough to have a 12 year old child who he should be capable enough to support. Plus, nobody needs to be able to cook cereal, he didn’t even have that in the house for breakfast.

I mean, if he’d have said to OP ‘’I’m crap at cooking, how about you show me the ropes and we cook dinner together?’’ At least that would have shown willing but he didn’t do that.

To be fair @JenniferBooththe woman in this scenario has fucked off and abandoned her child, this man has stepped up. While he might seem incompetent around the house this isn't the usual case of the woman who does everything while supporting a lazy man.

I totally agree he should be able to cook! I just mean perhaps he’s struggling with life generally more than he can’t be arsed! In which case he needs help, support and encouragement! I would have at least found that out before writing the bloke off! Its nice to be nice sometimes! Something many mumsnetter don’t seem to understand!

If a woman was providing the same things as he is and no more would we be saying she has stepped up?

I mean, doesn't anyone else think that if this happened, he might have been winding the OP up? If you invite someone over for the night and all they do is whinge about the food on offer, you might be pretty tempted to fuck with them.

I mean, I'm all for eating healthy home-cooked food, but if I was going over to some guy's house to shag him, the last thing I'd be thinking about is, oh, no! I can't possible eat a takeaway. Plus, as @Gloriia pointed out, there's plenty of takeaway that's pretty healthy. Salads, sushi, grilled chicken. I just looked at deliveroo and I could get a takeaway from Jean-Georges at the Connaught if I was so inclined.

People would rightly say that its not great and she should do better but there would be some excuse given for poor MH or some such condition to say why she lives like that, just a mum doing her best sort of thing. Houses dont need to be perfect and comments like that.

No food at all doesn’t sound good and I feel bad for the daughter but I do think your attitude to a takeaway is a bit extreme.

No we'd quite rightly be criticising her. I said he was incompetent but at least stepped up when the mother left her kid. I wasn't complimenting him. But sadly of the two parents he is the better one. Also the country is full of obese kids the majority of which have mothers who are equally incompetent. My point is this isn't a man thing.

That would be the last date for me.
He's showing you who he is. Which is lazy thoughtless and won't stick to what he says.
You can come over ill cook.
Doesn't go buy food. I fact. Doesn't have food. The daughter knows this so well she has to say "don't eat my pizza" nope.

Also you are healthy food he's junk food.