WIBU to go / not go on this work trip?

[Cantdecidewt]

aibu for going / not going on this trip?

dh and I both work full time. 2 primary kids.

they spend some summer in holiday clubs. My job is more flexible than dh so when not in clubs they are with me.

I travel 2-4x a year, long haul mostly, for work.

work are offering a week luxury holiday (long haul - Caribbean / Mexico area) - buts in in the middle of summer holidays! This is just for staff not family.

I’ll have already done 2x long haul trips this year and 1x short haul (working - this is the first relax one they’ve offered!)

reasons to go:
perk of the job
luxury adults only all expenses paid trip
sort of once in a lifetime

reasons not to go:
summer hols
kids would need to go to club 9-5 mon-Fri that week to accommodate dh working (instead of a few half days/occasional full day we can manage)
if the company is all at this trip I can basically take the week off with the kids without annual leave
i already travel a lot for work and I think dh is finding it alot
long way to go for just under a week
difficult week logistically for dh as the holiday club is quite different to school logistics - further, need to make pack lunches etc

would you go? I need to decide and rsvp by tomorrow!!

I was leaning towards not going, until you said he'd had two trips away himself. How old are the kids? I know you said primary but 4 and 6 is very different to 9 and 11.

Can’t your DH take a couple of days holiday off work so the DC only need to do 3 days at holiday club?
Or could the DC go and stay one night with family so it breaks the week up a bit for them?
I think if your DH would go without hesitation if it was offered to him you should definitely go if you want to

I agree 100% with this.

If my spouse worked for a company that had him travelling regularly, and that company then thought it was a great idea to provide him with a reward that had him spenfing even more time away from his family, I would be mightily annoyed with the company.

I disagree, there's no should here at all when it comes to what she wants to do. The op just needs to think which she would most like to do, it's her oreference that matters. I wouldn't want to as I'm not keen on travelling long haul alone and I wouldn't choose to visit in hurricane season.

only if she promises not to come back in 20 years whining about how her career has taken a back seat, and her pension is shit?

of course she "should" do what she wants. But if she wants a career, unfortunately since US companies want you to work as though you have never heard the word "child" let alone have one, she needs to make difficult decisions.

Would her DH be swithering like this? we already know the answer is "no"

Give it a miss it's completely unfair to your husband and children.

Why can't your husband book a few days off work that week?

A week away with colleagues, hours away from my home sounds like hell. It doesn’t matter where it is. If it’s anything like my work we would be doing rubbish team building all the time. I’d rather stay with my family.

Quite apart from DH and the kids, you don't sound like you'd especially enjoy it. It's a lot of effort to go to for a jolly you're not that arsed for. And I agree, it doesn't sound that attractive to me either. Hurricane season, jet lag for quite a short trip, enforced colleagues.

Can’t DH take leave so the DC aren’t in a club?

I think this is a really good opportunity to get to know everyone at work, especially as you're remote so might not be as visible. I think it is work rather than just a holiday, especially if your work is both well paid and flexible, as you describe.

I wouldn't go. Especially if you think you can basically get the week off and be at home with the kids during the summer holidays.

If my DH was suggested that I take a fifth of my annual leave entitlement to facilitate him going on a works junket during the school summer holidays I'd have told him - No Way!

A "holiday" with work colleagues would be my idea of hell. So that's the main reason I wouldn't go.

The other reason I wouldn't go would be that a week is just far too short a time when you take jetlag into account. There'd be so little time when I felt human enough to start enjoying myself properly. Then it would be time to go home.

I think you should say yes to the trip (for networking/visibility reasons) and hire a temp nanny/babysitter for that week; someone to help DH with logistics and take the kids on a couple of fun days out so they aren't doing a full long week festering in holiday club.

It sounds like you do the bulk of the summer childcare when you are not travelling?

I don't know, is this how women get left behind, missing out on company events where they could be building relationships, because of guilt?

I totally get the guilt.

But it sounds like you do your fair share overall.

Just catching up!

I do go to all the other travel things, this would be the first I’ve said no to.

re: dh taking time off, he is self employed so not as straight forward and honestly my kids would hate to be with a new face / babysitter / nanny or equivalent! They’d be happier at club, where they know the staff and have made friends there - they’ve got on and off in holidays for the last 2 or so years to this specific one!

I would definitely have an easy week. I have no core hours, only meetings that are set times and they’d all be cancelled if the team were away! So just a few admin bits to do which I could easily manage around the children.

Ah I just don’t know. I don’t WANT to, but it’s whether I SHOULD, iyswim

I could also probably take the week off once back to spend time with them. I have loads of annual leave where I rarely have to take it due to the flex nature of my job.

It’s not even a full week! 5/6 days depending on flights. And the nearest airport that flies to the location is over 2 hours away, the nearer ones aren’t direct flights. So the jet lag for a few days when you minus a day each side for travel is just a lot

Can’t they do 3 days club and your husband take a couple of days leave?

What do you think would be the benefit of going, would it help you work-wise?

The benefits are:

• potential visibility among leadershop - but I don’t think it has a significant impact, I’m not based in the head office and so these trips off temporary visibility etc
• relationship building, but again the impact is limited due to be remote whereas the others work together all the time so naturally are closer
• an opportunity to stay in a luxurious 5* property in a beautiful location
• adult only time! Rare when you have kids lol

Go - why would you not ?

Do you actually want to go or is it just FOMO? You've listed a lot of reasons not to go but putting the kids in holiday club is fine for a week as long as your DH is happy with it.

I have only skim read the thread, but to me it depends how much the household needs your job from a financial perspective.

It may just be a jolly but having worked for a US company, it will be badly received if you don’t go particularly as you’re already fully remote.

I would go but as a work trip not as a holiday. Going forward if there is too much travel in this job, then that should be reviewed.

Oh, if you don't WANT to, just don't go! Give yourself the treat of a nice easy week at home.