WIBU to go / not go on this work trip?

[Cantdecidewt]

aibu for going / not going on this trip?

dh and I both work full time. 2 primary kids.

they spend some summer in holiday clubs. My job is more flexible than dh so when not in clubs they are with me.

I travel 2-4x a year, long haul mostly, for work.

work are offering a week luxury holiday (long haul - Caribbean / Mexico area) - buts in in the middle of summer holidays! This is just for staff not family.

I’ll have already done 2x long haul trips this year and 1x short haul (working - this is the first relax one they’ve offered!)

reasons to go:
perk of the job
luxury adults only all expenses paid trip
sort of once in a lifetime

reasons not to go:
summer hols
kids would need to go to club 9-5 mon-Fri that week to accommodate dh working (instead of a few half days/occasional full day we can manage)
if the company is all at this trip I can basically take the week off with the kids without annual leave
i already travel a lot for work and I think dh is finding it alot
long way to go for just under a week
difficult week logistically for dh as the holiday club is quite different to school logistics - further, need to make pack lunches etc

would you go? I need to decide and rsvp by tomorrow!!

I wouldn’t go just because a week with my colleagues (aside from about 3) would be my idea of hell

under those circs, my DH (with my mum's help) did absolutely everything they could to make sure i could go on the trip (incentive trip for good performance in my case)

Everyone did their bit, including me getting as much ready for the week I'd be away as possible before i went, and taking on extra household stuff etc when i got back to give my DH a break after doing it solo for a week.

And the converse has been true: whenever my DH has had things like this offered, i have done all i can to make it happen.

ETA: the kids will be fine, your DH will be fine. having read the rest of your posts, this is a very important networking trip for you. Your DH needs to step up and parent for a week, and since he's been on a few weekend jollies already, you can offer another one maybe as a sweetner?

And if the OP doesn’t go on a work related trip because her children don’t want to her and the next week they say they don’t want her to go to work at all -what should she do then, give up work ??? Or they say they don’t want her to go out for an evening to the gym, book-club, dinner or whatever.

Like all parents who work, the OP and her DH can explain that she will be away for work related reasons for a week, they will keep in touch over FaceTime and the plan for the week is summer club, dropped and collected by Dad, etc. etc

You don't want to go. It's not like you never get to travel. Sounds like you do lots of travel with work and presumably you take holidays with family as well. I see no harm in just skipping it. I wouldn't go to something like this unless it was pretty much compulsory.

I don't travel with work as it's not common in my industry, but DH does. I'd be pissed off TBH if he wanted to go on a non essential trip in the middle of the summer holidays and leave me holding everything. It's enough to cover the essential stuff, but adding in more weeks would be a big fat no from me.

Do the kids have to do the holiday club the whole week? Are there any friends they could spend a day or two with (offer to return the favour and have the friends over at another point in the summer)? They'd probably love that and it might assuage any guilty feelings that they are having a worse summer because you are having a holiday

I’d go then

@Yeahyeahyeahnooooo which is completely fair. Dh rarely travels for work now but when he used to in a prior job, I found it a little annoying so I think I’d agree about the ‘fun’ trip tbh which is why I’m in 2 minds

Yeah I don’t think there’s another option. Most of our parent friends work too, and probably won’t have much time off the summer. Where we have 2 kids (different age and gender) the friends are very different too so would have to find different parents for each of them.

We could in theory ask family to help out for a night or two, but they’re about an hour away so logistically not much better for dh tbh

No harm kids being in club for the whole week, been there, done that. No way would I go on abholiday with my work colleagues, it’s bad enough that I have to interact with them 9-5.30.

lol yeah I do feel a bit like that. Plus where I’m remote I don’t know many of them that well!

I'd be put out, too.

Taking the solo-patent load regularly while my spouse travelled abroad for work? Yup, I'd do that to support them and their career.

But if they then threw in a freebie top-of-the-range holiday trip in the middle of the school holidays, I'd think they were now taking the piss. And taking for granted my willingnes to solo parent.

This is where you start from.

im not sure if your kids are old enough but once my DS got to like 7 or 8 he was basically bored at holiday clubs, so I found more adventure style camps for him, he had a blast.

if you’re remote, spending time with the team really IS important.

I spent almost 5 years wfh with a London office but all my team were elsewhere. Seeing them a few times a year in person really made our team stronger.

if your H would be off like a shot, then this is all about mum guilt. Find a really fun holiday clubs, if your H is incapable of making sandwiches (he could treat this as a great opportunity to fucking learn..) then make some damned sandwiches, put them in individual bags and freeze them. Take them out the evening before, or even the morning of, and they’re defrosted by lunchtime.

my cousin taught me this! It was brilliant when DS was small and I was working FT (single mum)

What's your instinct? "I really want to go and will look forward to it and have a lovely time" or "<sigh> I ought to go but CBA really" ?

I think go with your instinct. Personally, I wouldn't but that's because I don't really want to see my colleagues outside of work.

Also, if they really wanted to reward you they'd say "here, go with your family, have a week here" but they're saying "have a week with colleagues in school holidays, which we know is inconvenient but whatever"

It's also peak hurricane season for the Carribbean, could still be lovely, but worth remembering when considering if you fancy going or not.

My comment was in response to the pp who said this required a discussion between OP and her DH.

I just feel it should be a discussion that the children should be a party to. I'm not saying that what they want to happen should happen. But having been brought up in a family where as children we were expected to be " seen and not heard" I'm very much in favour of children being party to discussions that affect the family

I just don't understand an attitude that what happens to them over the summer holidays is absolutely nothing to do with them. It has.

From the career perspective and given you are a remote worker, then I think you should go for the networking. As a PP said, this type of thing is where relationships get made and can lead to promotions etc.
If kids are in a kids club all week that’s not actually a bad thing. If they go in for a couple of days and what they perceive as good stuff is happening the days they aren’t in, they could actually be annoyed about not being in all week! That happened with our kids once!
Your DH is jealous and to be honest I don’t blame him, but he can suck it up. It’s only a week.

So you'd be "on holiday" with your colleagues? Oh, no, that would be a straight no from me.

And the company sound shit to plan something like this in the middle of school summer holidays.

If I was WOH, then I’d agree with you, having worked remotely for 5 years, it was actually really nice and productive to spend time together

put it this way, I left the job last year, my previous line manager is now herself leaving and her leaving do is coming up. She’s coming over to London for meetings and handing kit in. I’ll go up for the leaving drinks because I like her, and I like a lot of my old colleagues - probably specifically because I didn’t work 9-5 days/ mon to Friday with any of them.

im sure the feeling is mutual 😂

There is nothing stopping him taking a few days off and spending time with the kids, or even taking time off and still putting them into holiday club.

it’s a longer day in holiday club than it is in school, so it’s actually easier than a non holiday season.

Yes, their mom going away on a work related trip during their summer break obviously has something to do with the children. Which is why their parents will make arrangements for their care while their mum is away and their Dad is working. I’m sure they will chat to their children, explain that Mum is going away for work, their Dad will be with them in the mornings and evenings, they will be going to a lovely summer club that week that maybe they will have a takeaway one night while Mum is away, maybe a trip to the cinema, keep in touch with Mum over FaceTime, etc.

But for them to have a say in whether she goes or not, that would be a definite no from me.

That was my first thought!

Do you want to go? Go, it's one week everyone will manage and you'll probably have a great time and come back refreshed.

Do you not want to go? Don't go. You're not obligated.

Yes, you have kids and responsibilities, but you have a partner and options.
Do men ever agonise over decisions like this? I doubt it.

Good point!

Well it’s always a dilemma with children. I have to say that I can’t see many dads turning this down. Your DH may disuade you from going because it would be far more convenient for him if you stay at home.