WIBU to go / not go on this work trip?

[Cantdecidewt]

aibu for going / not going on this trip?

dh and I both work full time. 2 primary kids.

they spend some summer in holiday clubs. My job is more flexible than dh so when not in clubs they are with me.

I travel 2-4x a year, long haul mostly, for work.

work are offering a week luxury holiday (long haul - Caribbean / Mexico area) - buts in in the middle of summer holidays! This is just for staff not family.

I’ll have already done 2x long haul trips this year and 1x short haul (working - this is the first relax one they’ve offered!)

reasons to go:
perk of the job
luxury adults only all expenses paid trip
sort of once in a lifetime

reasons not to go:
summer hols
kids would need to go to club 9-5 mon-Fri that week to accommodate dh working (instead of a few half days/occasional full day we can manage)
if the company is all at this trip I can basically take the week off with the kids without annual leave
i already travel a lot for work and I think dh is finding it alot
long way to go for just under a week
difficult week logistically for dh as the holiday club is quite different to school logistics - further, need to make pack lunches etc

would you go? I need to decide and rsvp by tomorrow!!

I don’t know if want to go I feel really conflicted. I don’t do well with jet lag so won’t feel refreshed unfortunately!

But agreed men don’t seem to overthink things do they!

Sorry if this has already been asked, but What would happen if your husband was offered this?

as a Pp has said - these trips are often great for networking and connections, I think I’d find a way to make it work

I think he would go

Why not arrange a holiday nanny for the week? Are you in London? Should be easy to find one in the summer holidays if so. Kids can choose outings to go on and will have a ball.

Children of lone parents spend most/all of their summer holidays in holiday clubs. They cope.

I think you should go.

I hate being away for work and I only travel UK wide not international so am rarely away for more than 1 or 2 nights. But that is due to Mum guilt not because it has any negative impact on my kids or my DP (who works part time to facilitate my career).

1. It will benefit your career
2. A week to chill is not a bad thing and you do deserve it
3. Its a one off (if it was every year you might need to compromise and only go every other for example)

I think that a family discussion is more about listening to what the children have to say on the matter and allowing the parents to understand their view and any worries and concerns they have. And enabling them to explain what arrangements there will be , and possibly make minor adjustments to accommodate any specific worries the children have. It's not about them deciding whether OP goes or nit

I suppose I'm talking parenting styles here: the mum and dad making the decisions and telling the children what will happen . Versus family discussions where what mum and dad decide is still the final outcome but the children get to feel involved and that their opinions matter.

I'll agree to differ with you.

easy peasy decision then.

Tbh that is a good rule of thumb with most work situations: think, what would a man do?

No @CantdecidewtI wouldn’t go. Firstly, you’re not even sure you want to go, you certainly don’t sound like you want to. Secondly, no way would I fly long haul for just 1 week with the jet lag, it’s at least an 8 hour flight with an extra 2 to 3 hours before that spent travelling to the airport and hanging around the airport so approx 11 hours each way. You’ve already been away several times this year, it’ll be in the middle of the school holidays and your DH would prefer you didn’t go.

Also, the Caribbean / Mexico will be sweltering in July probably nearly 40 degrees, do you cope well in that heat? Spend the time with your children (they grow up so quickly!) as you’ll most likely be off if all your colleagues are away. Are any of your colleagues in your situation with young kids and if so what have they decided to do?

Out of interest, what job do you do at as it’s unusual for a company to treat employees to a fully paid luxury holiday abroad?

Why can’t your DH take some time off, a few days? Long weekend? Then it’s not the woke wee of holidays clubs?

I have to go to the US every August, my DH takes DC to visit family or hangs out with them

Only if she wants to go for herself, she shouldn't go just because he would want to.

I would definitely go

As a PP said, if the answer is is that your DH or any other man would go, then go. There will probably be great networking opportunities.

Do you actually want to go? Or do you feel you should go?

What your husband would do is irrelevant, I feel.

I would be raging at my work, for being so inconsiderate of working parents in their timing, tbh. I bet you are not the only person finding it a tricky one.

I wouldn't go, and make sure they knew that their shit timing was why. But I'd also hate it, which would make the decision easier!

I would decline. I would not want a week's holiday with my colleagues, even though I enjoy working with them.

If the company mentions corporate and social responsibility, then they are hypocrites to be supporting a long haul break. Easy enough to reward colleagues if they wish by booking somewhere for a week somewhere in the UK.

You should go for all the reasons already stated.

are you in London - my son is home from uni, he can be your nanny for the week ;-)

Honestly though, enlisting a little student help is cost effective, and they will appreciate it.

Would you DH go if it was his work? Go, the kids will be fine and DH will live.

I was going to say it is a bit unreasonable to go, but if he’s been on “fun” holidays this year already and you haven’t, then you absolutely should go and have an amazing time!

Most of the colleagues are based in the US, so a UK trip would be long haul too… but for more people.

Could your husband take a weeks parental leave? It is unpaid but it’s a right (I.e. employer can’t ripeto ) as long as 21 days notice is given. Might be more manageable if he doesn’t have to work? Obviously there is the financial hit to consider.

if op were a man I think there would be a bit more push back on “taking a jolly” when he’d already been away loads and the timing wasn’t great.

that said, I’d be ok with it, and if I were op I’d be ok with going. I’d just make sure my partner got some time or something themselves

Firstly, where do you work and are they hiring? 😁

From your posts it sounds like you'd quite like to go but aren't desperate to. Your DH is being sulky so you're erring towards not going.

My kids spent plenty of full weeks at holiday club at primary school age, lots and lots of other families have to do this for most of the school holidays. Is PGL / some sort of residential club for a week an option? They get a little holiday and so do you. Plus your DH doesn't have to content with the abject horror of having to get up a bit early and (gasp) make packed lunches for his own offspring.

she should want to go because this type of thing helps advance your career (or keep your job)

That is worth a week away.

But it is up to her, and she is a grown woman. What a lot of women forget is that sometimes you put your kids first, sometimes you put your work first. For me, this is a job first thing.

Husband would go in a heartbeat I’m sure. I think it’s quite important for your career and visibility and bonding with colleagues. You should go. And a supportive loving husband would understand that and support you. I hope he does.
Go.