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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to say my dogs were always part of the package deal of dating me?

1000 replies

Forest28 · 31/05/2026 09:14

I've had my dogs for around 6/7 years. I got them with a previous partner. When that relationship failed, I took on both. They are large breed dogs, and as puppies were a lot of work, but they spend most of their time asleep these days. When dating, it became clear that many men had an issue with the dogs, both from a "you care about something other than me" perspective and a "this is an unwelcome psychological connection with your past relationship" perspective. I was disturbed by how many men expected me to just throw them out.

I'm in a new relationship of nearly two years and it's been going very well. He seemed to accept the dogs, but as soon as we moved in together, he started with the rehome the dogs pressure. I've done everything I can: I pay for all food, vet visits, insurance and kennels. They have a large dog-gated area in the house so they don't come into our lounge or bedroom. I do most of the walks, all feeding and all toilet breaks. I work from home so I keep them active in the day. We pay for a weekly cleaner. I pay for expensive regular shaves and baths. I have a dog sitter on standby.

The latest thing is that we're planning to try for a baby and he's become obsessed with rehoming the dogs in case we can't cope with a newborn and dogs. He wants to rehome them now even though I'm not even pregnant. In any case, I have no intention of rehoming them. It seems like we're at a stalemate and I'm exhausted by it.

AIBU to say I love my pets, I'm responsible for them and he knew when we met that I would never get rid of them? I'm especially not going to entertain this conversation when it's entirely theoretical. We don't know if we can have kids and we don't know what the dynamic will be if we do. I feel it's just because he doesn't like dogs, which he says is unfair and untrue. I think it is true.

OP posts:
Ricequark · 31/05/2026 19:03

Forest28 · 31/05/2026 18:54

He didn't say he didn't like dogs, just that he was more of a cat person. By the time it came out, I'd signed a rental agreement.

I’m talking about the guy you dated who did say that he didn’t like dogs.

Forest28 · 31/05/2026 19:06

Ricequark · 31/05/2026 19:03

I’m talking about the guy you dated who did say that he didn’t like dogs.

He said it on the fourth date and then it was obvious that it wouldn't work. My experience is that guys will downplay a lot of issues if sex might be on the cards.

OP posts:
Holdinguphalfthesky · 31/05/2026 19:07

I was with an extremely emotionally abusive man. I left him, thought I’d worked enough on myself to be better. Dated. Met another man, moved in. He turned out to be even worse! I’m so sorry @Forest28 but honestly having been emotionally abused it’s quite possible that you are programmed to be manipulated by these types. I still don’t understand how they do it but they can twist everything around and they wait until you feel relaxed and then pull the rug from under you. By which time you feel obliged to do whatever to repair the relationship you feel responsible for damaging.

My dd was my unmoveable object, my irresistible force, in both situations. She was a massive protective factor. Sounds like you have the dogs as yours- but sadly I do feel that this man is not for you, because he’ll never accept the dogs (and then it will be something else he won’t want, maybe some aspect of parenting or the way you live or where, and you’ll constantly find yourself off balance, unsure where the centre line is, unsure if you’re going mad or are really unreasonable because nothing makes sense any more…

JahanaraBegum · 31/05/2026 19:09

Your dogs love you and trust you. They have a home with you. People talk about getting rid of dogs like they are accessories but they are beings with feelings and emotions. I would no more give up on my dog than I would my kid. I could never forgive myself. Sounds like your fella is one of the 'dogs as accessories' crew.

BloodySoddingFlies · 31/05/2026 19:10

Dogs absolutely do know when someone doesn't like them. They can sense human feelings and body language

I doubt very much it makes them sad.

Ricequark · 31/05/2026 19:12

By the time it came out, I'd signed a rental agreement.

had you moved by the time it came out or just signed the agreement? So you have known about his stance on the dogs since the rental agreement?

mydogisthebest · 31/05/2026 19:12

I think it's worse that you say he used to sit and cuddle with the dogs but now does not even want them in the same room as him.

So either he was pretending to like/love your dogs or he did like/love them but doesn't like them having your attention so can just be cold to them

mydogisthebest · 31/05/2026 19:13

BloodySoddingFlies · 31/05/2026 19:10

Dogs absolutely do know when someone doesn't like them. They can sense human feelings and body language

I doubt very much it makes them sad.

Dogs definitely do feel sadness. Whether they are sad that this horrible man doesn't like them who knows (I doubt it though)

Forest28 · 31/05/2026 19:14

Ricequark · 31/05/2026 19:12

By the time it came out, I'd signed a rental agreement.

had you moved by the time it came out or just signed the agreement? So you have known about his stance on the dogs since the rental agreement?

It was a week after we moved in together than he said the dogs will need to go.

OP posts:
Ricequark · 31/05/2026 19:16

Forest28 · 31/05/2026 19:14

It was a week after we moved in together than he said the dogs will need to go.

So you have known about this for some time
now?

Ricequark · 31/05/2026 19:17

Forest28 · 31/05/2026 19:14

It was a week after we moved in together than he said the dogs will need to go.

How long ago was that?

HomeTheatreSystem · 31/05/2026 19:19

However, I have relocated hours away from family and friends while his life has remained unchanged.

He seemed to accept the dogs, but as soon as we moved in together, he started with the rehome the dogs pressure.

The last time I thought we'd reached an agreement that we would make it work, but then he's back on it again.

I just feel he probably always planned to exit them somehow.

These are your words! He's a tricksy gas lighting fucker and you know full well what he's up to, quite aside from gaslighting you about the fact he likes the dogs when his actions scream otherwise. If you want a baby that badly use a sperm donor. This man will make you miserable in the long run, especially if you have a baby with him. Stick to the dogs and be grateful they saved you from a disaster.

Shoopshawady · 31/05/2026 19:20

He got with you knowing you had them.. he can fuck off!

Silverbirchleaf · 31/05/2026 19:20

Was that a complete surprise? Was he okay with the dogs before?

So he made you move to a new area, and then start imposing new rules? Surely when you were looking for somewhere to live, you discussed properties which were dog friendly, and he never said anything then?

neilyoungismyhero · 31/05/2026 19:21

I definitely think re homing is the way to go.
Tell him he can come visit you anytime though.

BloodySoddingFlies · 31/05/2026 19:25

Bear in mind, I havent seen if the OP has answered any of the questions I have asked for a few hours. I will check now

I've seen a lot of questions about the dogs' behaviour which haven't been answered.

Seriously12 · 31/05/2026 19:26

BloodySoddingFlies · 31/05/2026 19:10

Dogs absolutely do know when someone doesn't like them. They can sense human feelings and body language

I doubt very much it makes them sad.

You couldn't be more wrong.

My friend had a lovely dog, Shirley, for years and was pregnant.
The last two days of her pregnancy Shirley never left her side.
Unusually so.
She went into hospital late in the evening as she was concerned about a lack of movement.
Her baby had died, the umbilical cord around her sons neck.
Heartbreaking.
When she came home Shirley never left her side for many many weeks.
Always beside her.

She thankfully was able to have more children, but when her darling Shirley died 8 years later, she grieved her precious son all over again.
She always says that it was Shirley that stopped her doing something silly.

I don't have dogs, don't want one, but i think dogs are incredibly intuitive and the greatest support some people will ever experience in their lives.

BuckChuckets · 31/05/2026 19:36

Forest28 · 31/05/2026 19:14

It was a week after we moved in together than he said the dogs will need to go.

I genuinely don't understand why you're still with him and talking about babies??

He's manipulative, he deliberately waited till you were locked in (to some extent) before telling you what was going to happen.

gentlemum · 31/05/2026 19:37

BloodySoddingFlies · 31/05/2026 19:25

Bear in mind, I havent seen if the OP has answered any of the questions I have asked for a few hours. I will check now

I've seen a lot of questions about the dogs' behaviour which haven't been answered.

Agreed. As far as I can see no answer as to what breeds they are or about their behaviour. I do feel there is more to this story. There is a reason that apparently so many men have had quite an issue with these two dogs. I don’t think they’re friendly labradors or other family type dogs.. I think we can guess as to what kind of dogs these are and therefore why so many men are having issues with them.

HopeIsAScaryThing · 31/05/2026 19:39

Why have you entertained these conversations?

Once. That's it. And frankly, that's probably too many times for someone to ask you ditch your pets (for no good reason other than they don't want them around). After that once (which is your first red flag), for the request/demand/complaint to be repeated should have resulted in you dumping the arsehole.

Please don't have children with this guy. He thinks living dependent creatures are disposable.

Mydoreston · 31/05/2026 19:39

Forest28 · 31/05/2026 19:14

It was a week after we moved in together than he said the dogs will need to go.

Come on OP please wake up, even I as someone who doesn’t like dogs can see that this man is manipulative and scheming.

He waited until he reeled you in before he became honest about his plans for the dogs. Do you think it really just occurred to him after you moved in together?

This is not about him disliking dogs because I wouldn’t behave like this. I’d just have been honest from the start and not dated a person with two dogs.

Marycontrarygarden · 31/05/2026 19:43

Forest28 · 31/05/2026 09:46

We love each other and the relationship is otherwise very compatible and healthy. He would be a great dad. We said it ourselves, this is the only point we ever have tension over. Maybe it's something we can't overcome, but I don't know.

Would he be a great Dad? You most certainly cannot tell this by someone's behaviour pre baby. But based on his comments on getting rid of animals you love....I wouldn't be so sure.

seanconneryseyebrow · 31/05/2026 19:46

If he truly loved you he wouldn't even ask this of you. He would knowingly put you through that pain and grief - and watch you! You need to leave him.

Portakalkedi · 31/05/2026 19:49

Odd that you got to this stage, I would think a person who really does not like dogs would not get into a relationship with a dog owner. I couldn't. Anyhow he clearly doesn't accept you as you are, so dump him.

LouiseTopaz · 31/05/2026 19:58

I have a two year old and a Labrador, she was a rescue with resource guarding issues. She’s amazing with my son, they are best friends. She never guards near him, never touches his toys, extremely gentle with him. This man is not the right person for you, if he was he would understand that you love them. You don’t give dogs up that could be perfect when a baby comes along. You see the future together as a family.

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