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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to say my dogs were always part of the package deal of dating me?

1000 replies

Forest28 · 31/05/2026 09:14

I've had my dogs for around 6/7 years. I got them with a previous partner. When that relationship failed, I took on both. They are large breed dogs, and as puppies were a lot of work, but they spend most of their time asleep these days. When dating, it became clear that many men had an issue with the dogs, both from a "you care about something other than me" perspective and a "this is an unwelcome psychological connection with your past relationship" perspective. I was disturbed by how many men expected me to just throw them out.

I'm in a new relationship of nearly two years and it's been going very well. He seemed to accept the dogs, but as soon as we moved in together, he started with the rehome the dogs pressure. I've done everything I can: I pay for all food, vet visits, insurance and kennels. They have a large dog-gated area in the house so they don't come into our lounge or bedroom. I do most of the walks, all feeding and all toilet breaks. I work from home so I keep them active in the day. We pay for a weekly cleaner. I pay for expensive regular shaves and baths. I have a dog sitter on standby.

The latest thing is that we're planning to try for a baby and he's become obsessed with rehoming the dogs in case we can't cope with a newborn and dogs. He wants to rehome them now even though I'm not even pregnant. In any case, I have no intention of rehoming them. It seems like we're at a stalemate and I'm exhausted by it.

AIBU to say I love my pets, I'm responsible for them and he knew when we met that I would never get rid of them? I'm especially not going to entertain this conversation when it's entirely theoretical. We don't know if we can have kids and we don't know what the dynamic will be if we do. I feel it's just because he doesn't like dogs, which he says is unfair and untrue. I think it is true.

OP posts:
Thatcannotberight · 31/05/2026 12:13

Forest28 · 31/05/2026 12:08

It was at his request that they don't come into any rooms that he's in. He has five available rooms where he doesn't have to see them at all. Apparently it's still not enough.

I knew it would be. That's awful. Your poor dogs. I would feel so sad if I had to be shut away from my dog. Do you sit with your dogs or him?

Seriously12 · 31/05/2026 12:13

Is it your house he has moved into?

If so that is huge and so so sinister.

He knew, he lied, and now he is putting pressure on you.

You are not compatible.
He has lied and will not accept you are sticking to whatvyou said.

Do you want another failed relationship?

Your boundaries are poor if you cannot see this.
He's manipulated you and lied if he has moved into your home.

Be very wary of such a man.

You have been totally played if you think this is what a healthy compatible relationship looks like.

It really isn't.

He has taken over your home.

Kindly meant, but women who are desperate for any relationship will tolerate this, get pregnant, and find they have a controlled abusive man who has fathered their child, snd whom they are now stuck co parenting with.

You have made a huge mistake with him.
You will end up a shell of your former self.

Get him out of your home.

WLMummy · 31/05/2026 12:14

Not everyone is a dog person. He clearly loves you and wants to be with you, but doesn’t want to have dogs. He probably underestimated how important they are to you - and if you’re not a dog person, it’s hard to understand quite how deep the bond can run. Personally, I would find it wild to give up what sounds like a great relationship and the chance to have children, maybe your last one, for the sake of dogs who can be rehomed into another happy life. It’s not ideal but it can be done well.

ThisBirdOnThatRoof · 31/05/2026 12:14

Forest28 · 31/05/2026 12:10

The last time I thought we'd reached an agreement that we would make it work, but then he's back on it again.

He is wearing you down and pushing boundaries. Please do not have a child with this man. Children need generosity and consistency, and parents who are on the same page.

NormasArse · 31/05/2026 12:14

Can you get your eggs frozen to give you a bit more breathing space on the child front?

Tbh, a man who moans and doesn’t help doesn’t sound like a great partner, but you know him better than we do.

Do you think your dogs are having a good life at the moment? Are you? If it’s yes to both those questions then he will just have to suck it up- he knew the score when you decided to live together.

Loulou4022 · 31/05/2026 12:14

Forest28 · 31/05/2026 12:08

It was at his request that they don't come into any rooms that he's in. He has five available rooms where he doesn't have to see them at all. Apparently it's still not enough.

This sounds rather ridiculous! You have to decide if this a hill you’re willing to die on! For reference I gave in in a previous relationship and was with someone who had very different cat owning opinions to my own and I was miserable that the cats had to stay downstairs. It very much sounds like he is never going to change his opinion so you need to decide dogs or the man and if you choose the man are you going to be resentful that he made you get rid of your dogs (babies)

BreatheAndFocus · 31/05/2026 12:15

Forest28 · 31/05/2026 12:08

It was at his request that they don't come into any rooms that he's in. He has five available rooms where he doesn't have to see them at all. Apparently it's still not enough.

Oh FGS! What a twat! Get rid of him! What you do will never be enough, and you’ll have a lifetime of sulking and manipulation ahead of you if you stay with this man.

Glidinglikeaswan · 31/05/2026 12:15

I rehomed a dog who had been owned by a woman from a puppy. Her DP took him at the age of 11 to the vet to be PTS because he had a skin problem. When the vet explained the problem was easy to cure he said he "couldn't be arsed". The vet persuaded him to sign over the dog. I had him for three more years, the sweetest, most loving dog you could ever meet, always wanting to be close to you; I suspect the DP was jealous. Your DP sounds like the same sort of uncaring bully who would be as jealous of a baby as he is of your dogs.

ThisBirdOnThatRoof · 31/05/2026 12:15

WLMummy · 31/05/2026 12:14

Not everyone is a dog person. He clearly loves you and wants to be with you, but doesn’t want to have dogs. He probably underestimated how important they are to you - and if you’re not a dog person, it’s hard to understand quite how deep the bond can run. Personally, I would find it wild to give up what sounds like a great relationship and the chance to have children, maybe your last one, for the sake of dogs who can be rehomed into another happy life. It’s not ideal but it can be done well.

How is it a great relationship if he is nagging her and isolating her from her pets? Sounds more like he is babytrapping and Master of the House-ing.

Loulou4022 · 31/05/2026 12:16

And also what if you ge5 rid of the dogs then don’t end up getting pregnant? Can you live with having tossed your dogs out for a baby that never was?

nonumbersinthisname · 31/05/2026 12:16

For me the red flag is that he doesn’t even interact with the dogs. I’m always wary of people who have no affinity for animals.

I’m a cat person and Im not particularly fond of dogs. However, when i visit family and friends with dogs and they come over to say hello, i always make a fuss of them and pet them. I don’t seek them out, but if they come to me then I will interact with them. They know I’m a friend of the household. I’m not sure the dog that ignores him would see him as one of his tribe and worthy of respect and someone to defend.

GelatinousDynamo · 31/05/2026 12:16

Look, I'm just going to say it straight: your guy is being incredibly selfish, manipulative, and honestly, a total idiot.

He completely played you. He pretended to be fine with the dogs while dating because he knew you’d dump him on the spot if he wasn't. Now that he’s moved in, he thinks he has you locked down and is trying to force your hand. You have practically made these dogs invisible in your own home to please him, and it's still not enough. He wants them gone. It's about him wanting total control and throwing a tantrum until he gets his way.

Do not, under any circumstances, get pregnant with this man right now. If he is this exhausting and relentless over a theoretical scenario, imagine how nightmare-ish he will be when a real baby is here to use as leverage against you. Tell him the dogs are staying, the discussion is permanently dead, and if he can't handle it, he knows where the door is.

Tocyprusornot · 31/05/2026 12:17

Forest28 · 31/05/2026 12:10

The last time I thought we'd reached an agreement that we would make it work, but then he's back on it again.

Then there’s no agreement at all, he will keep pushing till you give in. He moved in knowing he was going to do this. Please don’t bring a child into this.

Easilyforgotten · 31/05/2026 12:18

So he's actually been moving them out by degrees since he got there? Wearing you down despite your 'redline'? I'm honestly not seeing this being just 'the only issue we disagree on', it's symptomatic of a much bigger problem. He's looking more like the cuckoo in the nest and less like a brilliant DP with every update .........
Edited to add - also remember that actions speak louder then words. Perhaps the next time he says it's unfair and untrue to accuse him of not liking the dogs, ask him exactly in what way he demonstrates his liking?

GotTheBluePeterBadge · 31/05/2026 12:18

Forest28 · 31/05/2026 12:10

The last time I thought we'd reached an agreement that we would make it work, but then he's back on it again.

OP if you haven't changed your mind then that's the response. You said yourself the dogs have a limited time left.

If this had previously been resolved then refer back to the previous resolution. If circumstances have changed since then a new resolution is needed.

The only part of this that I find so odd is his insistance that he likes dogs when it's clear he doesn't. If you like dogs then you'll interact with them! Very strange behaviour.

Monty36 · 31/05/2026 12:18

Why let him move in if he dislikes your dogs so much ?

SwatTheTwit · 31/05/2026 12:18

I don’t have pets anymore but I don’t think I could remain with someone who disliked my pets. I see pets as family members so that would be a massive issue for me.

We’re considering getting one once DD moves out (allergies) and I will say though, a big point of contention for us I suspect will be how we handle having dogs. I’m a “no dogs on my bed or sofa” person, DP would probably live glued to dogs if he could. However it sounds like you’re already making all the concessions you can… I’d be very wary.

Scared0112 · 31/05/2026 12:20

Sorry OP but I think you feeling the biological clock for a baby is blinkered here- this relationship absolutely isn’t healthy and it’s not solid.

he’s waited until he’s waste two years of your life and has you sharing a home with him to start really laying on the pressure about your dogs. I mean, clearly he doesn’t like them- and that’s fine not everyone is a dog person but after two years I’d have expected him to bond with them in some meaningful way, to not even want to be in a room with them is genuinely bizarre behaviour.

you can’t see it, clearly, but this man has big red flags. I put money on him controlling more, having bigger opinions and laying on more pressure once you have a baby, and not just about the dogs. You’re sleep walking right into a trap.

AgnesX · 31/05/2026 12:21

Don't get pregnant with this man.

You're responsible for these animals, they're not disposable which is how he sees them. Anyone decent wouldn't ask you to do this.

DontShoutInMyEarholeTracey · 31/05/2026 12:22

The dogs have been your loyal companions for 6/7 years. Your latest fella has been with you how long? And might or might not stay with you if you have a baby. Personally I wouldn’t consider a LTR let alone having a baby with someone who expected me to get rid of my dogs! Poor dogs and what happens if they can’t stay together and have to go to different homes?

Mummyoflittledragon · 31/05/2026 12:22

Forest28 · 31/05/2026 09:28

We've both been married previously and aren't 100% on doing it again.

Having children is way, way more of a commitment to a relationship than a marriage. Marriage (generally) protects women financially, due to loss of earnings after having children.

Your partner is eroding your boundaries by stealth. And I would wonder what else is an issue if you actually look.

Having dogs on moving in together is a partnership activity. I really couldn’t have got on board with my dh had he not wanted to take on any responsibility for the dog I had at the time… A dog I took on when I was 21 as he would otherwise have been kennelled for 2 months by an idiot, who didn’t look after him…

After that dog died, dh and I subsequently had a dog together. He was alive when we had dd. He loved dd to bits and was so protective of her as a newborn. It was lovely to see.

Are you sure this is a man to have your babies with?

homelovingalme · 31/05/2026 12:22

EmpressaurusKitty · 31/05/2026 09:18

Ditch him, keep the dogs.

This. Your dogs are family/children. Please don't 'get rid of' them. He's always going to see the dogs as disposable. Would be a deal breaker for me but that's just me.

Pointyhound · 31/05/2026 12:23

This would be the end of the relationship for me because I view my dogs as part of the family and would want to be with someone that feels the same way, id be very resentful too if partner blocked any future dogs.

Are there any behavioural issues he's genuinely concerned about around kids or do you feel this potential baby is just an excuse to re-home the dogs he thinks you'll get on board with?

It's also not a good sign he's applying pressure and trying to grind you down to get his own way because thats a tactic that will be used in other scenarios.
The reality of caring for a baby may not match up to his keeness for one and it's not like he is showing you he's capable of any nurturing or effort towards the dogs.

Pennyfloor · 31/05/2026 12:23

Absolutely effing not! I couldn't be with anyone that doesn't realise pets are part of the family. What he going to do when he's fed up of the baby rehome them aswell? Get rid seriously, you are not each other's person.

ThatGladTiger · 31/05/2026 12:23

Forest28 · 31/05/2026 12:08

It was at his request that they don't come into any rooms that he's in. He has five available rooms where he doesn't have to see them at all. Apparently it's still not enough.

Can you not see how ridiculous this is? I’m surprised you agreed to this in the first place!

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