Page 15 | AIBU to say my dogs were always part of the package deal of dating me?

whygodwhy · 31/05/2026 11:28

This doesn’t bode well for having gor children together … you love your dogs and if he truly loved you in the way you need, he’d accept this part of your family as they were already part of your world when he met you

trying to change someone or a long established dynamic doesn’t make for the happiest of worlds

no criticism of his wants but why enter a relationship with some who has dogs if you’re not a fan …

I feel sorry for your dogs who will sense his exclusion and sorry that you have to juggle so much

for me it would be very definitely “love me love my dogs”

ChristmasBaby2026 · 31/05/2026 11:28

Andouillette · 31/05/2026 11:00

Of course that is your absolute right. But this man claimed to accept OP's dogs when he obviously had no intention of accepting them. That is dishonest and controlling.
Tragically yes, there have been cases of children killed by dogs. Sadly this is often because the dogs' owners are absolute twunts and do things like leave babies and small children alone with dogs/do not supervise/acquire dogs which are totally unsuited to family life.

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But the Op has conveniently omitted the breed of these dogs. This is extremely relevant if you are thinking about their suitability to be in a home with children

SpecialAgentMaggieBell · 31/05/2026 11:30

Nah, I'd ditch the man if he can't accept your dogs. He knew you came as a package deal, trying to change it now is not on. Also the fact that he doesn't really have a relationship with them is very telling. How can you live with 2 huge dogs and not really interact with them?

I was never an animal person before we got our dog, it took a lot of persuading by DH and the kids for me to agree to it. And I was adamant that they were the ones that wanted him so they should be the ones to do all the work. Ha! From the minute we brought him home 10 years ago he's pretty much been the LOML. 😂I don't understand how anyone can live with 2 gorgeous dogs and not have a relationship with them, let alone do none of their care!

BashthatTerriesorange · 31/05/2026 11:32

101Nutella · 31/05/2026 11:23

It’s not the same though.

OP had 2 dogs when they met, he proceeded with a relationship - his choice.
the conditions were he will have 2 dogs in their house when they live together.

he agreed, but then didn’t split responsibility or finances (fine with finances as they are hers. But as partners- you tend to help each other out don’t you? Otherwise what’s the point?

id drop a partner’s car off for MOT, pick up dry cleaning, do the food shop. I don’t just refuse to do anything that I deem to be ‘his’. And I think that’s the issue- he doesn’t want to fully engage with her life and now is pressuring her to get rid of them.
it’s not like he asked once and accepted the answer.

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The comparison I was making was that for extreme dog people, whatever the situation is, the dog person is always the good guy and the non-dog person is not. The H in the previous thread was clearly not a good guy yet the extreme dog people thought he was.

I am also taken aback at the idea that non-dog people are expected to take on responsibility for dog people's dogs. It would never occur to me that a boyfriend would expect that. I may share someone's home but would not have imagined they expect me to share the work of their dog. Its not a child. I would not be a step parent. Their pet, their work just like their car or bike or any other of their hobbies are their work and not mine. (Obvs for OP, if they have a child the boyfriend would have to co-'parent' the dog for that to work, but I would not have expected him to do that pre-baby).

I guess this is a fundamental difference between extreme dog people and other people. Extreme dog people see their dogs as at least equivalent (in practice usually superior) to people, whereas other people don't share that view.

Anyway, I really do need to go out now.

elessar · 31/05/2026 11:32

SanFranBear · 31/05/2026 11:25

My BF is highly allergic to almost everything 😁 including dogs and cats. I had two cats when we met and initially, he was really unsure whether we could continue due to his allergies. He dosed up a little to start and thankfully, he has somehow adjusted to their presence and doesn't have the same problems. But my cats were non-negotioble and he never once suggested them leaving in favour of him staying.

It's been genuinely wonderful watching him bond with my cat (sadly, one died last year) as he's never been able to be close to one before - it makes me love him so much when he actively encourages her onto his lap or has a little conversation with her when she's being a bit needy.

The fact your DP won't even interact with two members of your household (which your dogs absolutely are!) beyond having a moan and an occasional pat would make me really sad. I know you've said the dogs are staying and other than this, he's wonderful but I don't understand how he can remain so completely aloof from them when he's basically living with them?

Same with my partner.

There was never a question of me rehoming my cats when he moved in, they’re my family. And now they’re his family too.

our old boy died this year and my partner was as devastated as I was.

@Forest28I think your partner is really unreasonable and I think this has to be a deal breaker in the relationship if he can’t get over it. You’ve said you don’t even want more dogs after these die, so this isn’t even a lifetime commitment, it’s probably another 4-6 years at most.

Anarchy99 · 31/05/2026 11:32

ChristmasBaby2026 · 31/05/2026 11:28

But the Op has conveniently omitted the breed of these dogs. This is extremely relevant if you are thinking about their suitability to be in a home with children

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She has said they are mixed breeds but the mixes are normal family breeds.

It’s not remotely relevant though. The post is not about whether the baby would be safe around the dogs. it’s about someone who sees pets as disposable.

The anti dog lobby is always looking for a chance to have a go though 🤷‍♀️

Original poster

Forest28 · 31/05/2026 11:33

BashthatTerriesorange · 31/05/2026 11:15

I'm really struck in this thread how dog people are convinced this man is an abusive arsehole, despite the fact he is not and OP does not think he is not.

There was a thread a while ago where there was a couple who had spent a life together and raised grown children who had left home. The H decided he wanted a dog. OP did not but finally agreed on the grounds he looked after the dog. He got a dog. The dog was very destructive, destroying her beloved garden and making her feel she had to hide away from it in her own home. After six months she told her H how she felt and asked him to rehome the dog. His reply was ' I would rather get rid of you than the dog.'

There was a notable lack of posters accusing this H of being manipulative by pressurising OP to get a dog despite knowing she did not want them. Compare and contrast that to this thread. Dog person persuades non-dog person to have a dog in their home and then values dog over life partner- not manipulative or abusive. Non-dog person wants dog person not to have dogs in their home - manipulative and abusive.

The H in the thread got support from dog people who said they would do the same. They agreed that throwing away a life time of marriage, the person you raised children with, for a dog of six months was reasonable and justified. I felt this was shocking.

Anyway, I am bowing out of this thread now. I feel this thread has moved from the reasonable people saying OP on this thread has an incompatibility issue to the extreme dog people on the previous thread I mentioned who think in all and every circumstance a relationship with a dog trumps a relationship with fellow humans, and that anyone who tries to disrupt that is obviously the scum of the earth.

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To be fair I don't think he's a bad person and I don't think he's wrong if he doesn't like dogs or want to live with them, but he went into this with eyes wide open.

I think the bit I'm struggling with is him waiting until we lived together to have an issue with it. Also that he has an issue despite me not asking anything of him in terms of responsibilities and care.

I've also been clear that these are my last pets, but I just want to see this through and give them the last few years they deserve.

OP posts:

Daisymay1000 · 31/05/2026 11:33

Forest28 · 31/05/2026 09:14

I've had my dogs for around 6/7 years. I got them with a previous partner. When that relationship failed, I took on both. They are large breed dogs, and as puppies were a lot of work, but they spend most of their time asleep these days. When dating, it became clear that many men had an issue with the dogs, both from a "you care about something other than me" perspective and a "this is an unwelcome psychological connection with your past relationship" perspective. I was disturbed by how many men expected me to just throw them out.

I'm in a new relationship of nearly two years and it's been going very well. He seemed to accept the dogs, but as soon as we moved in together, he started with the rehome the dogs pressure. I've done everything I can: I pay for all food, vet visits, insurance and kennels. They have a large dog-gated area in the house so they don't come into our lounge or bedroom. I do most of the walks, all feeding and all toilet breaks. I work from home so I keep them active in the day. We pay for a weekly cleaner. I pay for expensive regular shaves and baths. I have a dog sitter on standby.

The latest thing is that we're planning to try for a baby and he's become obsessed with rehoming the dogs in case we can't cope with a newborn and dogs. He wants to rehome them now even though I'm not even pregnant. In any case, I have no intention of rehoming them. It seems like we're at a stalemate and I'm exhausted by it.

AIBU to say I love my pets, I'm responsible for them and he knew when we met that I would never get rid of them? I'm especially not going to entertain this conversation when it's entirely theoretical. We don't know if we can have kids and we don't know what the dynamic will be if we do. I feel it's just because he doesn't like dogs, which he says is unfair and untrue. I think it is true.

Never in my life would I even contemplate getting rid of my dog. He’s my child - end of discussion. I’d get rid of my partner before I would my dog😂

Alucard55 · 31/05/2026 11:34

Get rid of this awful man.

BloodySoddingFlies · 31/05/2026 11:34

When I said you clearly don't like them, he said he does and it's unfair to accuse him of that. It's sad because one dog now just ignores him because she knows he won't interact anyway

It's what I'm advised to do when I visit friends who have three very well trained working dogs. They are happy and waggy and have a tendency to greet you rather overwhelmingly which makes me a bit uncomfortable. I'm told to ignore them so that they learn they will get a perfunctory stroke of acknowledgement and no more. No messing around with toys or tummy tickling or ear scratching.
It's not sad, and they're not sad they just learn boundaries. Which dogs need and are so lacking in the general dog population.

Ricequark · 31/05/2026 11:34

Forest28 · 31/05/2026 11:33

To be fair I don't think he's a bad person and I don't think he's wrong if he doesn't like dogs or want to live with them, but he went into this with eyes wide open.

I think the bit I'm struggling with is him waiting until we lived together to have an issue with it. Also that he has an issue despite me not asking anything of him in terms of responsibilities and care.

I've also been clear that these are my last pets, but I just want to see this through and give them the last few years they deserve.

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So end it Op
I mean it really is that simple
you say that time isn’t on your side…

Lolalady · 31/05/2026 11:34

its love me, love my dogs in
my house I’m afraid. Dont even think about having a baby with this man. You might come home one day and find the dogs gone!

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 31/05/2026 11:35

He probably doesn't interact with the dogs because they are your dogs .
The dogs probably make it very plain they are your dogs

The OH has probably realised on MN Land a woman who is pregnant or looking after a newborn does nothing more than wash a spoon so he (the OH) will be doing all the housework./cooking/shopping/work full time too
And don't forget he is living under the constant cloud of this is MY House . We are not married . The door is there

How many sweet tempered dogs change when a baby arrives . Something new noisy and protected . Takes the attention off them . Can lead to jealousy . Dogs as they get older don't cope with things as well.

I fucking hate all this glib unfunny "Re- Home The Bloke" which piles out on threads like these .

If a woman was thinking of having a relationship with a man who refused to rehome his dogs the answers would be "How SELFISH , what will he do when the baby arrives . Never trust him not to leave the baby unattended "

I am very much a beleiver of every animal is for life . But sometimes you cannot have everything you want

Anarchy99 · 31/05/2026 11:35

BashthatTerriesorange · 31/05/2026 11:32

The comparison I was making was that for extreme dog people, whatever the situation is, the dog person is always the good guy and the non-dog person is not. The H in the previous thread was clearly not a good guy yet the extreme dog people thought he was.

I am also taken aback at the idea that non-dog people are expected to take on responsibility for dog people's dogs. It would never occur to me that a boyfriend would expect that. I may share someone's home but would not have imagined they expect me to share the work of their dog. Its not a child. I would not be a step parent. Their pet, their work just like their car or bike or any other of their hobbies are their work and not mine. (Obvs for OP, if they have a child the boyfriend would have to co-'parent' the dog for that to work, but I would not have expected him to do that pre-baby).

I guess this is a fundamental difference between extreme dog people and other people. Extreme dog people see their dogs as at least equivalent (in practice usually superior) to people, whereas other people don't share that view.

Anyway, I really do need to go out now.

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It’s not even about being into dogs. I don’t like them but I wouldn’t be enough of an asshole to expect someone to give up their much loved pets.

honeylulu · 31/05/2026 11:36

This isn't going to work. You are a dog person and your dogs are part of the family. He is not a dog person but pretended to be until he got his feet under the table and tuned himself into your biological clock.

Now he's trying to get rid of your dogs as if they were inanimate pieces of furniture without really thinking or caring about how this would affect you (not that you're going to do it). He's trying to change you and dominate you. This is not a good relationship.

Please get rid of him. There are lots of men out there who love dogs. You and they deserve someone nicer.

LizardLore · 31/05/2026 11:36

BashthatTerriesorange · 31/05/2026 11:15

I'm really struck in this thread how dog people are convinced this man is an abusive arsehole, despite the fact he is not and OP does not think he is not.

There was a thread a while ago where there was a couple who had spent a life together and raised grown children who had left home. The H decided he wanted a dog. OP did not but finally agreed on the grounds he looked after the dog. He got a dog. The dog was very destructive, destroying her beloved garden and making her feel she had to hide away from it in her own home. After six months she told her H how she felt and asked him to rehome the dog. His reply was ' I would rather get rid of you than the dog.'

There was a notable lack of posters accusing this H of being manipulative by pressurising OP to get a dog despite knowing she did not want them. Compare and contrast that to this thread. Dog person persuades non-dog person to have a dog in their home and then values dog over life partner- not manipulative or abusive. Non-dog person wants dog person not to have dogs in their home - manipulative and abusive.

The H in the thread got support from dog people who said they would do the same. They agreed that throwing away a life time of marriage, the person you raised children with, for a dog of six months was reasonable and justified. I felt this was shocking.

Anyway, I am bowing out of this thread now. I feel this thread has moved from the reasonable people saying OP on this thread has an incompatibility issue to the extreme dog people on the previous thread I mentioned who think in all and every circumstance a relationship with a dog trumps a relationship with fellow humans, and that anyone who tries to disrupt that is obviously the scum of the earth.

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Totally agree with this post. People are crazy about rehoming animals here.

OP doesn’t say how old she is but if she cannot realistically meet someone else to have children with now and he makes rehoming the dogs a condition for having a baby, then she must rehome them. Of course she must. I believe absolutely anyone would, no matter what people here claim.

Would it be unreasonable of him to insist, when he knew about the dogs all along? Yes, a bit (though I expect he couldn’t know how much he’d hate living with the dogs until he actually did). But if OP is intent on having a baby she will just have to comply with this unreasonable demand. There’s a much bigger picture to look at here.

rwalker · 31/05/2026 11:37

Forest28 · 31/05/2026 09:34

Normally I'd agree, but I'm at the age where we don't have time to wait.

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Go for a sperm donor
the dogs are a growing issue that’s not going to go away so
ether rehome your dogs or end the relationship

sounds like your just going to use him to get pregnant then end it

Anarchy99 · 31/05/2026 11:37

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 31/05/2026 11:35

He probably doesn't interact with the dogs because they are your dogs .
The dogs probably make it very plain they are your dogs

The OH has probably realised on MN Land a woman who is pregnant or looking after a newborn does nothing more than wash a spoon so he (the OH) will be doing all the housework./cooking/shopping/work full time too
And don't forget he is living under the constant cloud of this is MY House . We are not married . The door is there

How many sweet tempered dogs change when a baby arrives . Something new noisy and protected . Takes the attention off them . Can lead to jealousy . Dogs as they get older don't cope with things as well.

I fucking hate all this glib unfunny "Re- Home The Bloke" which piles out on threads like these .

If a woman was thinking of having a relationship with a man who refused to rehome his dogs the answers would be "How SELFISH , what will he do when the baby arrives . Never trust him not to leave the baby unattended "

I am very much a beleiver of every animal is for life . But sometimes you cannot have everything you want

No if a woman wanted the man to rehome his dogs it would be her that was unreasonable.

It always strikes me as odd how the anti dog peeps try to turn round a thread like this to be about safety between the dogs and the non existent child, thus missing the point

Seriously12 · 31/05/2026 11:38

You thought he was fine with the dogs when he clearly is not.

He is now nagging and nagging you to get rid.

He lied to you and now when you are living together is showing you who he really is.

You have made a mistake moving in.

You certainly shouldn't dream of having a child with a liar.

I'm not a dog person at all, but i hate lies more.

He clearly cannot stand the dogs and intends to grind you down.

Don't inflict a liar on a child.
Accept you have made a mistake and that his mask has dropped.
This is the real him.

StickyProblem · 31/05/2026 11:39

There are plenty of people who adore dogs and want more and more of them. You’ve been unlucky not to find one of them as a partner. This would never be resolved between a dog lover and someone else who doesn’t adore your dogs too.

RandomMess · 31/05/2026 11:39

He’s being ridiculous, you were very very clear with him.

You need to have a full and frank discussion with him perhaps with a counsellor too and lay all cards out.

What if he decides that any DC are too much work for him? Will he just walk away and do one night a week?

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 31/05/2026 11:39

Anarchy99 · 31/05/2026 11:37

No if a woman wanted the man to rehome his dogs it would be her that was unreasonable.

It always strikes me as odd how the anti dog peeps try to turn round a thread like this to be about safety between the dogs and the non existent child, thus missing the point

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I am not anti dogs . Where did I say that?

But I have eyes in my face and I can read many things about dogs and the changes that occur when a baby enters their life .

Anyway , I'm off to wash a spoon.

LeftieRightsHoarder · 31/05/2026 11:40

OP, when I met my last ex-boyfriend he insisted he couldn’t sleep with my cats in the bedroom. If only I’d read the signs and dropped him then! I shut them out of the bedroom and put up with him until I realised that I’d rather be single for the rest of my life.

Later, when I was first seeing DH, I noticed that my girl cat, who rarely approached humans, went straight to him and sat on his lap. When I asked if he minded them in the bedroom, he laughed and said “Well it’s their house, not mine!”

I made the best choice I’ve ever made.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 31/05/2026 11:40

The red flags are flying here OP, he cares so little for your pets that you love. Having a baby with this guy will likely reveal his attitude towards your dogs is also his attitude towards your children, I.e your responsibility not his

Redcars · 31/05/2026 11:40

I’m not a crazy dog person and we have only had one dog as family. He was a big gentle breed , never so much as growled and a total member of our family , we all loved him so much . If someone had persuaded me to rehome him I ‘d have never been able to forget it and probably not forgive . Big dogs don’t live that long anyway ( sadly ) Edited to say if they are xl bully types I get your partner, no way around children.