AIBU to feel anxious about my husband playing tennis with a woman?

[Bunnysdoingliterature]

DH and I are 29 and 30, he loves playing tennis, usually plays once a week and goes to the club social, I have no interest in tennis, would rather watch paint dry!
He’s been a member of the same club for the last 5 years, we’ve been together for 6 years.
I feel bad for him as some of his friends he would normally play with are moving further out of London and joining clubs local to them. It’s hard at his club to play with non-members.
I am pregnant with our first child so perhaps a bit anxious and paranoid in general and I can’t tell if I should be worried about this or not.

On Wednesday night he went to the tennis social, he came back and told me he had got chatting to this girl and they might go and play tennis together at the weekend. I didn’t want to be controlling so I said that’s nice.

This morning he went to play tennis with this girl, 11-12. He then messaged and sent a pic showing they were having a drink at the club house. This made me a bit anxious, I don’t know this girl.

When he came home I asked how it was and I told him I felt a little anxious about him spending time alone with a woman I don’t know. He said he didn’t want to make me uncomfortable and wouldn’t see her again, but it sucks as he’s running out of people to play tennis with as everyone moves further out and she is actually good so he enjoys playing against her.
I feel bad, I don’t think he would cheat but it’s making me anxious. It probably hasn’t helped that I asked about her and he showed me her insta and she’s clearly very very attractive, Italian and young (I think 25). I will admit I’d probably be less bother if I didn’t feel so threatened by her.

AIBU to feel anxious about this? I worry I’m being controlling, he hasn’t argued that he wants to, says it’s fine, joked it would be easier if I just played too then we could play together.
Should I just suggest we all meet up, maybe after they play again and try to not let my anxiety control me?

Don’t suggest meeting up with this woman, she wants to play tennis, not prove she’s not a man stealing tramp to an anxious pregnant woman. Either you trust him or you don’t OP, and if you don’t trust him why are you with him?

IMO you are overreacting and it’s a non issue.
edit to add- is there a reason not to trust him?

I agree. Meeting up when you don’t play tennis is odd.

Unless it’s tonsil tennis, YABU. You either trust him to be out in the world, or you don’t.

What advice would you like? You either trust him or you don’t. You need to decide.

No, no reason. I’m not usually anxious, he has female friends and they don’t bother me.
Pregnancy has made me quite paranoid and anxious in general, it’s unfounded I think, but I keep having these visions of having our baby and him running off into the sun!
I have no reason to think that, he is excited, involved and communicates well but I’m terrified of it and I think this has triggered it a little.

Why? Do you think she will beat him and his ego would take a bashing?

Looked like one of them had an Aperol spritz and one of them a can of cola, I imagine DH didn’t drink, he isn’t a massive drinker.

It would make me feel uncomfortable. Funny how the only person he can find to play is a young, attractive woman who he has to have drinks with afterwards. You are pregnant and should be his priority.

If he's going to stray/cheat then it's what he's going to do. If not this lady then someone else. I don't know this for a fact, but I would be surprised if proximity was the main factor behind why people cheat. So the question is about how secure you feel or don't feel and why that is.

Well yeah they agreed to play 11-12 so it ended at 12, not sure how that’s early. Do you feel men shouldn’t play tennis with women? What’s the problem exactly?

He’s played for years, you don’t play, you acknowledge that his usual playing partners aren’t available. I don’t really see the issue.

Besides, I’ve always been of the opinion that I don’t want my DH to be faithful just because I’ve spent my time and energy blocking women he comes into contact with. If he cheats then he cheats, that’s on him, and would probably happen with someone else if it didn’t happen with the person I banned him from seeing.

imagine you join a running club and your husband bans you from running with men..

Imagine how suffocating it must be to have someone who doesn't trust you. They can't even speak that much with each other while they're playing tennis

Goodness sakes OP he belongs to a tennis club and gasp played tennis with someone who happened to be a woman.

You know that he goes to work and gasp probably talks to women too?

YABVU

maybe suggest a "man only" tennis club if that makes you feel better? 😂 (speaking to you, not the OP)

I could be that woman, I used to play padel with a work friend until his wife banned him. Not relevant for your situation, but It was another one of those things that hold women back at work - the guys can hang out together but the minute I found some common ground with one of them, it got shut down as his wife felt uncomfortable. There was zero interest or chemistry between us (apart from getting on well as colleagues) and we talked about our kids and work most of the time. My OH was happy I was being active and had a fun colleague!

why would she be interested in your husband ?

Check your internal misogyny, treating other women as (automatically) predatory, and up for sex with any old random man.

Don't worry, any man coming up with a pathetic " I am not allowed to speak/ play tennis with you, by my wife" becomes so unattractive and cringey that she will have no interest in him whatsoever 😂

Not that she even had any to start with, the woman is just playing tennis with a .. member of her tennis club.

The OP didn’t say he had no one to play with. So you are laughing at nothing

Not sure you’re being fair op. You know you’re not, but you’re doing it anyway. And blaming pregnancy as you’re jealous of how she looks.

you can’t ban your husband playing tennis with women or women you deem too attractive, if you want your marriage to end, that’s one sure fire way. No one likes being in a controlling marriage with a jealous person.