AIBU to feel anxious about my husband playing tennis with a woman?

[Bunnysdoingliterature]

DH and I are 29 and 30, he loves playing tennis, usually plays once a week and goes to the club social, I have no interest in tennis, would rather watch paint dry!
He’s been a member of the same club for the last 5 years, we’ve been together for 6 years.
I feel bad for him as some of his friends he would normally play with are moving further out of London and joining clubs local to them. It’s hard at his club to play with non-members.
I am pregnant with our first child so perhaps a bit anxious and paranoid in general and I can’t tell if I should be worried about this or not.

On Wednesday night he went to the tennis social, he came back and told me he had got chatting to this girl and they might go and play tennis together at the weekend. I didn’t want to be controlling so I said that’s nice.

This morning he went to play tennis with this girl, 11-12. He then messaged and sent a pic showing they were having a drink at the club house. This made me a bit anxious, I don’t know this girl.

When he came home I asked how it was and I told him I felt a little anxious about him spending time alone with a woman I don’t know. He said he didn’t want to make me uncomfortable and wouldn’t see her again, but it sucks as he’s running out of people to play tennis with as everyone moves further out and she is actually good so he enjoys playing against her.
I feel bad, I don’t think he would cheat but it’s making me anxious. It probably hasn’t helped that I asked about her and he showed me her insta and she’s clearly very very attractive, Italian and young (I think 25). I will admit I’d probably be less bother if I didn’t feel so threatened by her.

AIBU to feel anxious about this? I worry I’m being controlling, he hasn’t argued that he wants to, says it’s fine, joked it would be easier if I just played too then we could play together.
Should I just suggest we all meet up, maybe after they play again and try to not let my anxiety control me?

My OH used to play violin with a woman at her home. It never occurred to me to worry about it. I trusted him.

Agree with others it's not a super idea

Who said she thinks this? Maybe it makes her anxious to think that he is choosing to spend leisure time with an attractive woman who he may become attracted to. Maybe that's enough to bother her at a moment in her life when she's vulnerable.

It's funny how these poor men with hobbies always seem to find young attractive women to team up with! No other men there age available to have a game with? Very strange but oh so predictable 🙄

wow

can people be THAT bitter and insecure in real life?

I totally agree. Having someone be faithful to you because they never have the opportunity not to is not the same as having someone be faithful to you when they have the potential opportunity to pursue others but choose not to and choose you instead

No suggestion at all of anything improper. I mean, something like that is wildly impossible and never happened before in the entire history of human beings.

maybe it's a refreshing change to be with a young fun woman and they can go back to being fun themselves, which is why the young attractive women like to exercise with them too?

Just a thought 🙂

No one has ever had an affair with their attractive neighbour either, or
their child'd teacher
their wife's best friend or sister
the post office lady
their work colleague
the woman they seat next to in the train to work
the barista from the coffee shop down the road
the HR team

My god that's A LOT of people your husband must be banned from speaking with 😂😂

If he's going to stray he's going to stray and you are better off without him.
The problem is not solved by policing him.

Do you actually have any knowledge of tennis culture before going on a pseudo feminist rage-fuelled rant?

This has absolutely nothing to do with whether she's "allowed" go to a dinner party alone but everything to do with club etiquette. If someone wants to play for the sake of playing but don't have a partner, they pay for a trainer. It's that simple. They don't usually pair up with someone who they don't know very well, let alone one of the opposite sex. It's tacky because it implies they're trying to save money by cutting out the trainer and if someone is wealthy enough to join a club, they should be able to afford a lesson. It's also customary for tennis partners to go for a drink after the game so agreeing to play with someone you don't know that well is an unspoken agreement to form a closer friendship together.

Gosh all these people getting their knickers in a twist who clearly have zero experience with tennis! It's not the same as padel, football, yoga, running or cycling where people may pair up for the sake of convenience.

....a gorgeous, fit, 25 year old Italian tennis player. She probably won’t be wearing one of those cute little tennis skirts

What a disgusting post. What's the problem with her being Italian? Do we have racism to add to the sexism and ageism already on this thread?

And I thought girls and women could wear what they liked?

I think some women would be happy if every other woman went around in a burqa. Or better still, stayed at home where they couldn't possibly interact with men.

I don’t know if this is true?
Maybe it varies club to club but in the time I’ve known DH it’s been fairly normal for members to meet at socials then plan to play together during the week or whatever?
This is just the first time it’s been a woman and he hasn’t actually done that in a few years as he had a group he met up with for a while.

Maybe other clubs have different cultures but I don’t get the impression that the members at this club expect you to either play with close friends or trainers, I think they actively encourage members to meet up.

Because it's very rude to pair yourself up with someone you don't know very well, especially someone of the opposite sex. There are loads of subtle rules in tennis culture. She knows they will have to go for a drink after every single game so she's knowingly setting herself up for "dates" with a married man.

Not sure why everyone is jumping to defend this mystery woman. Do you know her? It could be totally harmless but she could easily be that one woman at work who constantly flirts with your DH and genuinely doesn't give a shit if you are pregnant or have kids. Just based on the facts, it's an unusual setup for tennis so that's what make it suspicious.

You couldn't make up any more nonsense if you tried.

It's not the same as padel, football, yoga, running or cycling where people may pair up for the sake of convenience.
yes, because THESE are typical sports where you do pair up indeed. You are absolutely right.

who clearly have zero experience with tennis!
Hi *User774563! *That would be you
😂😂

I am trying to figure out what movie you have in mind when writing this
because I am loving the vision of a random woman "forcing a man to pair up with her" and setting up herself with a married man for drinks.

Are you living through your anxiety, or wishful thinking? I can't quite decide 😂

Shame on you for adding to the anxiety of a pregnant woman by posting utter nonsense though. You should be embarrassed.

The husband doesn't want to seduce her? It's all down to her lusting over him, spectacular creature that he is? Yea right.

Oh come on, no guy has ever made the first move and seduced a woman. Especially not an attractive, young tennis player. Could never happen.

you have already said that. Must you repeat your post over and over again?

I don’t think you know anything about tennis club etiquette. It’s very very common to meet up with people you don’t know well to play. It’s rare to pay to play with a “trainer”

Gosh, what a load of meanies! This is very familiar territory for me, OP. I can totally understand why you’re feeling a bit sensitive right now but don’t worry, tennis players just want to play tennis. Maybe you’ll meet her at a social later on but probably best not to go out of your way to do that right now.

This isn’t my experience at all - how odd. People hire coaches (we don’t call them trainers) to coach them, not because they want a match. We play with strangers because we want a match. Maybe this was how it was decades ago because nothing you’ve said resonates with me.

But you implied it was all down to the young woman lusting over the ops DH.

Is this Lily Allen? Is her name Madeleine?